The hard lesson: Life doesn't stop once we get sober.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Boulder, CO
Posts: 419
The hard lesson: Life doesn't stop once we get sober.
Hey SR,
I don't mean to write this post to discourage anyone but sometimes i struggle with the idea that i deserve to have a painfree life since i got sober. I suppose that's my ego speaking and i know that is just false. Just because i got sober doesn't mean that my life will be all roses and unicorns. It's a hard lesson and i continue to try and let it sink in everyday. There are so many stories on here that have gone through perverbial hell and have come out the other side.
I think i'm writing because i feel like that's where i am right now. Today is my last day at work, my gf recently left me and i've got an impending court trial for a careless driving charge last March. All of these things would be unmanageable if i was drinking. If i was drinking i wouldn't have showed up for work today and wouldn't have gotten a "good job" from the company on completing it. I would've torched any good tidings there were between Dana and I and finally i would have put my condition to deal with this upcoming court in jeopardy. Just thought i'd share. I hope everyone has a great day!
Garrison
I don't mean to write this post to discourage anyone but sometimes i struggle with the idea that i deserve to have a painfree life since i got sober. I suppose that's my ego speaking and i know that is just false. Just because i got sober doesn't mean that my life will be all roses and unicorns. It's a hard lesson and i continue to try and let it sink in everyday. There are so many stories on here that have gone through perverbial hell and have come out the other side.
I think i'm writing because i feel like that's where i am right now. Today is my last day at work, my gf recently left me and i've got an impending court trial for a careless driving charge last March. All of these things would be unmanageable if i was drinking. If i was drinking i wouldn't have showed up for work today and wouldn't have gotten a "good job" from the company on completing it. I would've torched any good tidings there were between Dana and I and finally i would have put my condition to deal with this upcoming court in jeopardy. Just thought i'd share. I hope everyone has a great day!
Garrison
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 245
I love your post.
This is all true. And it takes courage to admit it. I don't think it's your ego who thinks you should have a better life. I think even people without alcoholism also feel they deserve it!
Good luck with the trial!
This is all true. And it takes courage to admit it. I don't think it's your ego who thinks you should have a better life. I think even people without alcoholism also feel they deserve it!
Good luck with the trial!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Great post and thank you for the reminder. Life is just the same as it was when we were ruining it. It's just the ability to deal with it that we've finally given ourselves. Thanks for the reminder today.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Out in the Stix of Southern Indiana
Posts: 2,784
If you call sitting in my garage until the wee hours of the morning and waking up in the chair to stumble in the house to go to bed and the next day starting all over again a life. Yeah I think life is pretty awesome now!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
My life did turn into roses and Unicorns after about a year sober.
Everything was better, but mostly my mind. I wasn't laying in bed all day hungover and sick wondering how I could have done it again for the thousandth time.
My life was a living nightmare. I'm very fortunate to be alive.
Sure I have problems and terrible days occasionally, but who doesn't?
I've watched half a dozen friends and co-workers drink themselves to death. I wasn't far behind.
I don't own a car. I don't own a house.
I don't miss them. I should be dead and anything I do have, and it's enough, I'm very grateful for.
See, I wasted thirty years of my life. I am a real drunk. Drinking was my life. Now it's not. And I am so grateful for that that even the worst day is better than a day drunk or recovering
As Least always says, practice gratitude. That's what I do.
I just got back from an appointment awhile ago.
I got up at six thirty. I left at nine thirty and got back at one pm.
If I had a car it would have taken an hour.
But I met a cool bus driver and got a walk in. For that I am grateful.
I don't dwell on the things in life that good be labeled as 'bad'.
I live in the moment and I love my life. What more could I ask for?
I escaped a slow miserable death. Everything else now is gravy. And for that I am grateful.
Everything was better, but mostly my mind. I wasn't laying in bed all day hungover and sick wondering how I could have done it again for the thousandth time.
My life was a living nightmare. I'm very fortunate to be alive.
Sure I have problems and terrible days occasionally, but who doesn't?
I've watched half a dozen friends and co-workers drink themselves to death. I wasn't far behind.
I don't own a car. I don't own a house.
I don't miss them. I should be dead and anything I do have, and it's enough, I'm very grateful for.
See, I wasted thirty years of my life. I am a real drunk. Drinking was my life. Now it's not. And I am so grateful for that that even the worst day is better than a day drunk or recovering
As Least always says, practice gratitude. That's what I do.
I just got back from an appointment awhile ago.
I got up at six thirty. I left at nine thirty and got back at one pm.
If I had a car it would have taken an hour.
But I met a cool bus driver and got a walk in. For that I am grateful.
I don't dwell on the things in life that good be labeled as 'bad'.
I live in the moment and I love my life. What more could I ask for?
I escaped a slow miserable death. Everything else now is gravy. And for that I am grateful.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,588
I really enjoyed reading your post Ghostlight1.
I do same when having to walk rather than drive. Good exercise. Reduced carbon footprint, people encountered upon the way.
Best to you Ghostlight1.
I do same when having to walk rather than drive. Good exercise. Reduced carbon footprint, people encountered upon the way.
Best to you Ghostlight1.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: DFW area, Texas
Posts: 521
Hey Garrison, thanks for the post. Life does move on and that can be hard at first; for me it certainly has been when I first got sober. And I also recently left my job and juggling that with early sobriety...holy moly. You have a few more things on your plate to work through, but being sober I think gives you a lot more wherewithal to manage. I also have sometimes bad anxiety early in sobriety and that doesn't help, although I do find it fades after a few weeks to a month. Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: S.E. MI
Posts: 1,025
Life is just beginning once sober if anything, I have always thought. Like you said you can deal with issues better when sober. Things will turn around. Those are tough things to deal with so no wonder you are down. Best of luck to you. Congrats on you sober time.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I definitely changed. I see it in everything.
What I have noticed is only a few people seem to notice and treat me differently.
The rest still think I am that mad man that was capable of losing his temper every time a topic of some offense comes up.
I study the faces of folks that used to provoke me sometimes. This one man comes to mind. When he sees me winning it is like he sucked on a lemon.
In the first few months of my ascent out of hell he would laugh at me. He would make fun of how I walked. I used to walk slumped over because my balance was compromised. This was part of the brain damage.
These days I almost purposely strut. I figure if I am going to go down, I might as well go down strutting my new strength.
For a while I felt sorry towards folks I hurt. Those days are over. The mourning is over.
Now I am full up 55 year old clean bee rolling stone getter done. I ain't got time to bleed.
Love you all.
Thanks.
What I have noticed is only a few people seem to notice and treat me differently.
The rest still think I am that mad man that was capable of losing his temper every time a topic of some offense comes up.
I study the faces of folks that used to provoke me sometimes. This one man comes to mind. When he sees me winning it is like he sucked on a lemon.
In the first few months of my ascent out of hell he would laugh at me. He would make fun of how I walked. I used to walk slumped over because my balance was compromised. This was part of the brain damage.
These days I almost purposely strut. I figure if I am going to go down, I might as well go down strutting my new strength.
For a while I felt sorry towards folks I hurt. Those days are over. The mourning is over.
Now I am full up 55 year old clean bee rolling stone getter done. I ain't got time to bleed.
Love you all.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,003
Thanks for starting this thread Garrison and thanks everyone who posted.
I'm in a definitely "Unicorn and roses" free period of life. However plenty of good stuff is happening and it would be worse if I was drinking.
I'm off to post on the gratitude forum because you all inspired me.
I'm in a definitely "Unicorn and roses" free period of life. However plenty of good stuff is happening and it would be worse if I was drinking.
I'm off to post on the gratitude forum because you all inspired me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
It's natural to want to have a perfect life. When people express their joy in sobriety, it may tend to give the impression that everything is going to be near Heaven, which it is not. From what I was promised, or thought I was promised, I expected bad things to be there, but that somehow they would be different. They are not. They are there and still bad. Slowly we do gain some skill in dealing with some bad situations, but we can't make everything perfect. The joy for me was actually centered more around the fact that I was no longer a drunk, with spillover into the rest of my life for sure, but there is still a strong similarity between bad things sober and bad things drunk. For whatever reason, I never lost that gratitude for being sober, and for me, that carries away a huge dumpster full of grief. I even said in meetings a couple of times, I came here to get sober. And indeed, I got that in spades. The spillover was more like a small bonus. I did have hopes it would be more, but I didn't have confidence that it was going to be Nirvana, but a bonus is a bonus and I put it in the plus column.
I think a better way to judge the quality of my life, is not to seek perfection, but just ask myself, if I am happy. The honest answer is that I am. Things I complain about are usually over something in me, like not being able to control bad things, and I stop and realize that once in a while. I don't need a lot more than that.
I think a better way to judge the quality of my life, is not to seek perfection, but just ask myself, if I am happy. The honest answer is that I am. Things I complain about are usually over something in me, like not being able to control bad things, and I stop and realize that once in a while. I don't need a lot more than that.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 782
Any day above ground is a good day — sober. Drunk? Not so much. Things are good and getting better. I am 60 days sober tomorrow. Sure life encounters difficulty, that is a given. But difficulty easily becomes tragedy drunk.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
"I don't mean to write this post to discourage anyone but sometimes i struggle with the idea that i deserve to have a painfree life since i got sober."
I enjoyed your post because it strikes home for me. I believe there is an addicted belief system in that addicts have a tendency to think that life should be always be fair, easy and painless and basically we should always get what we want.
When we allow ourselves to think in this, "entitled," fashion, we lower our threshold to adversity, to feeling frustrated, helpless and overwhelmed. If we insist on avoiding emotional pain, on being comfortable all the time, we will seek ways to avoid reality, to escape our negative mood. With respect to addictive thinking, this type of corrupted belief system is the very core of addictive thinking and can lead to attempting to regain control with a, "Quick fix or mood changer," of drugs and or other errant behaviors, all designed to change the way we feel emotionally. The bottom line here is that addicts want and expect life to meet their demands, as opposed to meeting the demands of life.
I enjoyed your post because it strikes home for me. I believe there is an addicted belief system in that addicts have a tendency to think that life should be always be fair, easy and painless and basically we should always get what we want.
When we allow ourselves to think in this, "entitled," fashion, we lower our threshold to adversity, to feeling frustrated, helpless and overwhelmed. If we insist on avoiding emotional pain, on being comfortable all the time, we will seek ways to avoid reality, to escape our negative mood. With respect to addictive thinking, this type of corrupted belief system is the very core of addictive thinking and can lead to attempting to regain control with a, "Quick fix or mood changer," of drugs and or other errant behaviors, all designed to change the way we feel emotionally. The bottom line here is that addicts want and expect life to meet their demands, as opposed to meeting the demands of life.
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