mikoss

I was wondering as far as recovering and going without drinking at what point does it get easier to resist urges to drink?

I know everybody is different and the amount and time spent drinking can affect recovery and sobriety and all of our bodies and brains vary but can you say that at a certain point it got easier to resist urges to drink?

When I tried quitting the first time I can say that each day was an accomplishment and the urge to drink subsided a bit but the thought and desire to want to drink again was there somewhere in the back of my mind I guess which is why I relapsed after a month of sobriety. But I guess what I mean to ask is that can there be a time where it just gets easier to not think about alcohol anymore? Or can one go for weeks or months and then all of a sudden the urge to drink is just so strong all of a sudden and then go away?

So far I am heading to almost 3 days of sobriety and the desire to drink is there but I have been able to control it so far.

BackandScared

It took me a while. Probably because I was expecting 'easier' to be 'massively easier'. I felt worse before I felt better physically. Every day not drinking has always been a victory though. Not once (I know this is overstated) have I regretted not drinking the day before.

It has kept me going every time. When I felt like drinking I have told myself; wait until tomorrow. If tomorrow you regret you did not drink today, you can have one.

The 6 month mark has been big for me. I don't think about drinking (almost never). I keep reading and don't let myself disengage from the process because I would hate relapsing and going back to my life 6 months ago.

I recommend you google 'The obstacle course' by a blogger. Sear mummy was a secret drinker and 'the obstacle course'.

It takes a while. At the start you must believe it rather than feel it. Until it happens, until you get to a place that is immensely better than the place you left and you don't feel any desire to return to.

Kaily

It took me a long time, I think longer than most but I had gone very far down the rabbit hole.

I fought the cravings with every fibre of my being, I would pace up and down, go on all day hikes, go out without any form of money, eat sweets, cry and scream.

At just over 15 months sober, cravings still sometimes come but so much less. I didn't believe when people said it gets better but it truly does.

Give it time and keep going.

dpac414

Rd2quit

It took me 6 months to be fully recovered. I thought the most difficult time was between 2 and 4 months.

tomls

Welcome! I remember it being very hard at first. I had to put almost everything else aside and make this the most important thing in my life. It was killing me and if I had not stopped I wouldn't be here. The thing I wanted to know the most was when is it going to happen and what is it going to feel like and just how good is it going to get. No one ever told me. They can't really put it into words. All I can say is it was well worth the wait. Many highs and lows and good days and bad days. The one day at a time thing is very real. Time always passes so slow when you are looking forward to something. Patience is probably the most important thing that I have learned on my journey! Stay close to SR! You can do this!

DriGuy

Every point you made in addition to your main question is spot on. Basically, it IS different for everyone, so there is no way to give a precise answer, but I can tell you what it was like for me. At ten days, I was well on my way, and had a clear view of the light at the end of the tunnel. Cravings were were easily manageable at that point.

Even at that point, cravings will continue to pop up in random fashion, sometimes in clusters. For me, this lasted for a couple of years. Two years sounds horrible in writing, but don't let such a timeline depress you. The cravings were so weak and manageable that I would usually just chuckle them away. There was one point at 6 months where I momentarily thought I could probably drink normally. It was brief, but I was waiting for that, and quickly shut it down. However, it did scare the Bejabbers out of me, because in the brief moment I could see how believable such a hair brained thought could be. I really could see why people with years under their belt could go back out.

It sounds to me, like you are doing well. For one thing, 3 days was usually my failure point before I quit. I would obsess on alcohol all day and finally cave in. For you, "the desire is there," but you are controlling it. I could not, but keep in mind I hadn't quit yet. "X number of days without drinking does not a quit make." And this may be key. Thinking and talking about quitting is not a substitute for the commitment of slamming the door shut, and never drinking again. Your desire at 3 days, 4, 5, or 10, is going to happen. Commitment doesn't make the desire go away, and the first week is almost always a heavy slog for everyone, but commitment does you get you past that.

It doesn't get easy all of a sudden. It's a gradual process which makes it impossible to identify those benchmarks you are wondering about. But they do come, and they happen when you aren't looking. You will never notice that you aren't thinking about alcohol, because well, (duh?!), you aren't thinking about alcohol. But I remember the first time I realized a week had passed and alcohol had never crossed my mind. It happened when I wasn't looking, and that realization was one delightful moment. It was like a major goal had occurred, and I realized for the first time it's what I was looking for, without knowing exactly what I was looking for.

Your questions and observations are not unusual, and I think you are on track, but as you progress, watch for the signs of your recovery that you didn't expect. You don't have to set them as goals. You can't because you don't know what they are going to be. In recovery, things just happen when it's time.

Reaching goals is a big part of recovery, but the ride is half the fun. A priority goal is to commit to never drinking another drop. The others will happen if you make a serious commit. Sure, set and reach for those goals. They won't happen right away, but the ride is interesting, and is an essential part of getting to those goals. Don't worry about a timeline too much. Focus on a plan, commitment, and be prepared for triggers. The timeline will develop as you go.

August252015

The desire for SOMETHING to ease my discomfort, dis-ease, restlessness, whatever was something I had to learn to deal with. Physical cravings were never an issues for me - it was the emotional urges for [ something better ] that I had to learn to accept and deal with without a substance.

What are you doing to learn about living in recovery?

brighterday1234

HeadEast

I agree with August here when she says "What are you doing to learn about living in recovery".

This is a major change in our lives. There are a lot of resources on this site to learn how to live in recovery. All I can say is that it does get better, but I wouldn't want to give you a timeframe. It varies so much for each of us.

Congratulations on 3 days!

August252015

^I should have added that it's not a linear thing. Like with any illness, or a condition, or a new training regimen for a sport...we don't go from a life of drinking to a healthy sober life in a straight path. That's ok!

Surrendered19

I'm living in Day 82 here and I have my moments, but I had gone so far down the road towards death that the physical rewards of sobriety are still very motivating for me every day. But the cravings do come. I think it just gets a little easier each day, particularly if you really work on your life. SR is great support but I think in-real-life support is important too. Eating right. Practicing gratitude and making some amends. Trying to focus on rest and sleep, getting plenty of exercise. I think living a sober life is just like learning any other new thing. It takes time to get it right and before you know it isn't such a daily effort. But if this site has taught me nothing else, is that we can be skipping merrily along on our sober way and 10 years in, we might drink again. I am still getting my head around things like that.

Delilah1

I have been sober four years now, and I found the difference when I started out this time (I’d tried and had varying periods of sobriety before) was shifting my focus to recovery, rather than “I can’t drink.” I made choices that’s were healthy for my emotional and physical health.

Mindfulness has been of the biggest pieces of my recovery. Learning to live in the present moment has been so important. I cannot change the past, only learn from it, so spending time beating myself up about any past choices is not helpful. I also cannot predict the future, so spending time worrying only causes anxiety for me. I focus on making positive choices in the moment, and trying to enjoy it.

Another thing that has been huge for me is gratitude, no matter how difficult a day or situation looking at life through a lens of gratitude helps. Today you have three days sober, that’s definitely something to be grateful for. Journaling each morning one or two things you are grateful for might be a good way to start the day, and you can end it the same way.

I read and post on SR daily. In the beginning I was on here on and off all through the day. I was always able to find someone who could support me if I was struggling. I still check in each day, and I enjoy supporting others who are just getting started.

As far as time, each day gets a little bit easier. You will wake up and notice you don’t have that foggy, hungover feeling, you will look in the mirror and notice your eyes look clear, you will get s call fro m a friend, or child who needs a ride, and you’ll just grab your keys and hop in the car because you’re sober and driving isn’t an issue.

You will notice all sorts of positive physical and emotional changes, just be patient with yourself, and have a plan when thoughts of drinking pop in your head. Posting on here when there happens is always a good option.

You can do this, and I promise you sobriety is worth it! ❤️

Derringer

My experience was that just stopping drinking and drugging didn't get easier.

I had to find ways to make it easier.

Have you found Eric's book again ?

If he talks about how he recovered from it, I think you'll find he did more than just stop.

mikoss

I actually looked for it and yes I did find Eric Clapton's autobiography. I started going through it and have it here with me right now.

It is very inspiring with so much in there about his addictions and recovery and how he got through a lot of really low points in his life.

One in particular was when Eric said his friend Roger who booked him into rehab picked him up from his home, Hurtwood, to Gatwick Airport to take him to rehab and he was just a bag of nerves. Eric was booked into Hazelden, a rehab facility in Centre City, Minneapolis, by his friend Roger and then flown there with him back on that day in January of 1982. Eric Clapton talked about how he drank the plane dry on the flight over because he was so terrified he might never be able to drink again. Eric said himself that this is the most common fear of alcoholics, the fear of never being able to have a drink again. And he stated that at the lowest moments in his life that the only reason he did not commit suicide was that he couldn't drink anymore if he was dead. Eric went on to say that alcohol was the only thing he thought was worth living for. And the idea that going to rehab where people were about to remove him from alcohol he thought was really terrible. So he said he drank and drank and drank so much that they practically had to carry him into the clinic when he got there.

The he said most of the people there when he arrived were either pissed like he was or dying for a drink or possibly comatose from the amount of alcohol they had in their system and in need of immediate detoxification. And Eric said, "They wouldn't even let me bring in my guitar." He said he had gotten so attached to his guitar for so many years that is was the one thing in life that give him any sense of power or self worth. He said all he wanted to do was run away.

Just stories like that that are so sad but uplifting too that if he could do it and get help that we can all do it. We just have to let others help us.

Derringer

Eric

Hopefully that link works

Just think about where he went to get help.

Money up the whazoo to pay for the finest treatment shelters, the finest psychiatrists, therapists and whatever else money can buy .... yet he ended up in a fellowship that costs nothing.

Zebra1275

I was a problem drinker for over 20 years, so expecting a quick fix was unrealistic.

I tried to quit drinking many times over the years, and I just couldn't do it on my own. When I finally got sober, it wasn't easy at first. I would say it took a year before I felt confident, I think I needed to get through all of the annual events sober once before I got comfortable.

ciowa

For me it got easier when I fully embraced a sober life was what I really wanted. That meant no longer thinking of drinking as an option and going about building a life I wanted in sobriety. I also had to accept that life was going to have ups and downs and that I could no longer use alcohol to blot out the world and sooth my stresses. I therefore had to go about rebuilding my ability to deal with stressful situations and find ways to just enjoy life as it comes and make the best of the time I have here.

mikoss

Thank you very much for the link. I love all interviews with Eric Clapton.

Yes, he said when he got there and saw it he was scared and that it looked like a maximum security prison. And that he thought no wonder Elvis took one look at it and told his limo driver to take off.

But Eric's most important friend Roger booked Eric into that rehab facility because it was at the time the best treatment center for alcoholics in the world.

He talks about how he admitted that he had a drinking problem. It was Christmas time in 1981 and he had a lot of friends and family over at his house, Hurtwood. And he talks about how he wanted some thermal underwear for Christmas and so like a child he snuck out to check out the presents under the tree and open his presents early and got the green thermal underwear that he asked Santa for and put them on looking like Kermit the frog he said. At this time he said was very intoxicated and it scared people because they didn't know where he was as he was known to sneak out of the house with no clothes on and get in his car to go drink or go to pubs to drink or whatever. He said there were flashlights in his face and his wife Pattie at the time was furious and took him upstairs to put him back to bed and locked the door mad at him saying everyone will just spend Christmas without you and stay here till the guests leave. And she gave him just enough food and alcoholic to keep him sedated. Eric said he was ashamed about it so he didn't really argue with her and just kind of did what she said and stayed in his room to drink until all of the guests left since she was embarrassed by his drinking with all of the guests staying at the house for Christmas.

So a few days later is when he hits rock bottom he says. Literally and figuratively in terms of his alcohol addiction. He decides to go fishing at a river nearby because he was an avid fisherman. So he takes his new Hardy carp fishing rods and Garcia fishing reels and puts them in his car to drive down to the river nearby to go set up for fishing for pike. Eric said he always considered himself a good fisherman. And across the river he said some other fisherman had a beautiful tent laid out and looked as if they had been there for days. And then Eric said that he was so drunk that he fell and broke one of his rods and could see the fisherman across the river look away since they were probably embarrassed for him.

At that moment he said is when he hit rock bottom as far as his drinking. And literally as he fell on the rocks while fishing because he was so intoxicated.

And this is as Eric says it:

"That was it for me. The last vestige of my self-respect had been ripped away. In my mind being a good fisherman was the one place where I still had some self-esteem. I packed everything up again, put it in the back of the car and drove home. I picked up up the phone and called Roger. When he answered I just said to him, 'You're right. I'm in trouble. I need help,' and right away I remember having this incredible feeling of relief, mixed with terror because I'd finally admitted to someone what I had been denying to myself for so long."

He had finally admitted what nobody had the nerve to tell Eric Clapton was that he was an alcoholic.

Roger who was a close and important friend at the time to Eric had done research on alcoholism and so he saw the signs of it in Eric. And as Eric puts it, Roger had seen Eric in all of his different conditions through the years. And Eric said that he was the one person that had the nerve to pronounce to him that with absolute certainty he was an alcoholic like he had been telling Eric all along but Eric just wouldn't admit it to himself.

Roger was the one that saved Eric Clapton's life and had it not been for him picking up Eric at his house and flying with him on a plane to the rehab who knows where Eric would be today.

Roger booked Eric into Hazelden but Eric didn't want to know where it was and he said he didn't even really care and didn't want to know when he was going until the last moment.

And when Eric hit rock bottom and admitted he had a problem, he didn't call his wife Pattie, he called Roger who got him to go to rehab. That is a true friend.

I guess we all need a Roger sometime in our life to tell us we have a problem and need help.

Dee74

Someone once told me it took a lot of years for me to get lost in the woods...
it was going to take more than a few days to find my way out of those woods.

That was true - I felt better every week but it took a month for me to feel a little physically better and about 3 months to start to feel some consistent emotional healing.

Compared against the 20 years I drank, that was a pretty good deal.

I hope your time spans will be even shorter than mine Mikoss

D