New to recovery
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 1
New to recovery
Hi, im new to recovery . Ive had 2 week long relapses since november which is good for me as ive been a daily drinker for 15 years . Im struggling how to go out as i always socialised with a drink and i have no motivation . Is this normal ?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,755
Welcome to the family. 
I had to make a lot of changes in my life and attitude to support my sobriety, but they were worth the effort it took to make them.
I hope our support can help you get sober for good.
Post and read, as often as you like. This place is a great resource for recovery.
I had to make a lot of changes in my life and attitude to support my sobriety, but they were worth the effort it took to make them. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.
Post and read, as often as you like. This place is a great resource for recovery. Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
sounds “normal”to me, Tarot.
early sobriety is full of different, new, changed “normals”, which will change again.
if you read around here, or go to meetings, you will hear that many of us changed our ways of socializing. hanging out in the usual ways in the usual places with the usual folks often is a slippery slope, and something many of us avoid or simply find unattractive.
you can learn new ways of being if you put the effort in.
ultimately, i was desperate for sobriety because i was desperate for something other than drinking despair.
that this entails change is a given.
welcome to SR; stick around.
early sobriety is full of different, new, changed “normals”, which will change again.
if you read around here, or go to meetings, you will hear that many of us changed our ways of socializing. hanging out in the usual ways in the usual places with the usual folks often is a slippery slope, and something many of us avoid or simply find unattractive.
you can learn new ways of being if you put the effort in.
ultimately, i was desperate for sobriety because i was desperate for something other than drinking despair.
that this entails change is a given.
welcome to SR; stick around.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Colorado
Posts: 702
Welcome to SR! I made a plan for myself because I had so many relapses. As part of the plan, I decided not to go out with drinking buddies or to drinking events (Suoer Bowl party, etc) for 90 days. I will go out to dinner with true friends, just not places or with people where I’d be tempted.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 353
I would say this is completely normal as I have no motivation either to go out unless I absolutely have to for groceries, etc.
I have never been a social drinker going out to drinking establishments except for classes in wine and spirits and tastings and so forth. In the past I would go to some bars but I just got tired of seeing the same people day after day after day at the same bar getting intoxicated every day. So then I became a drinker of a more dangerous kind. The closet drinker that drinks alone or with close friends that only adds more fuel to the fire.
But I will say that I have a friend that was a very avid social drinker. He is a recovering alcoholic that quit alcohol for several years and recently relapsed but this friend told me that when he saw how much he was spending on drinking at bars it was scary just seeing the bank statement. The amount just in a year was enough to put a very nice down payment on a very nice house. He had the money to spend but just seeing the bank statement was shocking when it all added up. Because he told me that he not only wanted to get majorly drunk but wanted others around him to get majorly drunk as well so the bar tab was very high when he drank with friends at bars.
Until finally he said he locked himself in his house and didn't go out or leave the house or allow anybody to visit just to detox and become sober. That may not work for everyone but for him it did.
In my case it helped when I quit drinking. Just staying away from anything that would influence me to drink. When I recently relapsed it was due to being around people that influenced me to drink and do cocaine. Not saying it was their fault since the choice was all mine but they certainly did not help my situation.
So now I am paranoid to leave or go anywhere unless I have to for fear of relapsing. I only leave for necessities like groceries or the bank or anything important. It sounds terrible but I have to in this time where I have to focus on recovery.
I have never been a social drinker going out to drinking establishments except for classes in wine and spirits and tastings and so forth. In the past I would go to some bars but I just got tired of seeing the same people day after day after day at the same bar getting intoxicated every day. So then I became a drinker of a more dangerous kind. The closet drinker that drinks alone or with close friends that only adds more fuel to the fire.
But I will say that I have a friend that was a very avid social drinker. He is a recovering alcoholic that quit alcohol for several years and recently relapsed but this friend told me that when he saw how much he was spending on drinking at bars it was scary just seeing the bank statement. The amount just in a year was enough to put a very nice down payment on a very nice house. He had the money to spend but just seeing the bank statement was shocking when it all added up. Because he told me that he not only wanted to get majorly drunk but wanted others around him to get majorly drunk as well so the bar tab was very high when he drank with friends at bars.
Until finally he said he locked himself in his house and didn't go out or leave the house or allow anybody to visit just to detox and become sober. That may not work for everyone but for him it did.
In my case it helped when I quit drinking. Just staying away from anything that would influence me to drink. When I recently relapsed it was due to being around people that influenced me to drink and do cocaine. Not saying it was their fault since the choice was all mine but they certainly did not help my situation.
So now I am paranoid to leave or go anywhere unless I have to for fear of relapsing. I only leave for necessities like groceries or the bank or anything important. It sounds terrible but I have to in this time where I have to focus on recovery.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Lots of good advice here.
Noone wants to hear they need to make more changes beyond just not drinking but that's the reality for most of us.
noones saying you have to sit at home curtains drawn but you might have to expand your idea of fun coming from a bottle.
The transition phase was hard but worth it.
I would never go back to drinking now.
Sober life is not a burden - quite the opposite for me.
D
Noone wants to hear they need to make more changes beyond just not drinking but that's the reality for most of us.
noones saying you have to sit at home curtains drawn but you might have to expand your idea of fun coming from a bottle.
The transition phase was hard but worth it.
I would never go back to drinking now.
Sober life is not a burden - quite the opposite for me.
D
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