I am disillusioned with the medical community
I am disillusioned with the medical community
Just want to state, first of all, this is not a condemnation of all people/professionals in the medical profession.
I have been suffering for my entire life with ADHD. I was diagnosed at age 35 while in rehab for alcoholism. Substance abuse in general, but alcohol was my DOC (Drug of Choice).
Every time I have reached out for help during my entire life, I get a response of "you're just lazy". This this is what my alcoholic mother told me and my teachers told during my my entire life told me.
ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.) is a real thing. It is overdiagnosed in children for sure, but it is real and not just a sales tactic to sell prescription drugs from the pharmaceutical industry.
I don't know where to turn anymore. I am 43. Single. Bankrupt. No possessions. Can't get a job because of a DUI (Criminal record in Ontario). Credit check also shows my bankruptcy.
Here is the kicker. My parents are both doctors. My father was actually a very high profile doctor who was on TV and in the newspapers. Yet every night behind the scenes, my mother was drunk.
My dad enabled her. They were such frauds. Both are going to die without a funeral because they put on a facade and just neglect everything, specifically, their own children. While my father was happy to do news conferences in front of cameras, he would come home and tell his children to "f*ck off" and go to bed.
My mother actually did die in 2017 from her drinking. I have been exiled for 10 years. Never seen my parents house which they bought 7 years ago. Don't know why they would actually refuse when I said I want to come see their new house. Could be because they threw out everything in my childhood bedroom without asking if I wanted any mementos and such.
Just a vent! Can't really trust a therapist who has no clue what ADHD is like to live with because they studied it at school.
I am a world expert in ADHD. 43 years of living with it, 24 hours, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. ADHD is devastating for an adult who is undiagnosed.
I have been shattered and just doing my best to not jump in front of a subway. My own parents, turned their backs on me just because I said " I do have ADHD, I am alcoholic, I asked for help, you ignored me. " this was after 5 weeks of in-patient rehab where I was under the care of some of the best psychiatrists, psychologists, and addiction counselors out there.
I checked myself into rehab. When I finished the program and went home to talk about, parents didn't want to talk about it because they were watching a movie on TV.
Mom is dead. No funeral. Never let me come to the new house which they bought 7 years ago.
This is a horrible thing to admit, but I didn't even bat an eye when she died. My first thought was "that b*tch finally died, thank god!"
My vent. It helps me to get this out.
I have been suffering for my entire life with ADHD. I was diagnosed at age 35 while in rehab for alcoholism. Substance abuse in general, but alcohol was my DOC (Drug of Choice).
Every time I have reached out for help during my entire life, I get a response of "you're just lazy". This this is what my alcoholic mother told me and my teachers told during my my entire life told me.
ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.) is a real thing. It is overdiagnosed in children for sure, but it is real and not just a sales tactic to sell prescription drugs from the pharmaceutical industry.
I don't know where to turn anymore. I am 43. Single. Bankrupt. No possessions. Can't get a job because of a DUI (Criminal record in Ontario). Credit check also shows my bankruptcy.
Here is the kicker. My parents are both doctors. My father was actually a very high profile doctor who was on TV and in the newspapers. Yet every night behind the scenes, my mother was drunk.
My dad enabled her. They were such frauds. Both are going to die without a funeral because they put on a facade and just neglect everything, specifically, their own children. While my father was happy to do news conferences in front of cameras, he would come home and tell his children to "f*ck off" and go to bed.
My mother actually did die in 2017 from her drinking. I have been exiled for 10 years. Never seen my parents house which they bought 7 years ago. Don't know why they would actually refuse when I said I want to come see their new house. Could be because they threw out everything in my childhood bedroom without asking if I wanted any mementos and such.
Just a vent! Can't really trust a therapist who has no clue what ADHD is like to live with because they studied it at school.
I am a world expert in ADHD. 43 years of living with it, 24 hours, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. ADHD is devastating for an adult who is undiagnosed.
I have been shattered and just doing my best to not jump in front of a subway. My own parents, turned their backs on me just because I said " I do have ADHD, I am alcoholic, I asked for help, you ignored me. " this was after 5 weeks of in-patient rehab where I was under the care of some of the best psychiatrists, psychologists, and addiction counselors out there.
I checked myself into rehab. When I finished the program and went home to talk about, parents didn't want to talk about it because they were watching a movie on TV.
Mom is dead. No funeral. Never let me come to the new house which they bought 7 years ago.
This is a horrible thing to admit, but I didn't even bat an eye when she died. My first thought was "that b*tch finally died, thank god!"
My vent. It helps me to get this out.
Hi Wastinglife,
I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time. Where are you living right now? O know several people on here who have moved into sober living or halfway houses, and have rebuilt their lives.
You can do this too, but you need to try to shift your focus to what you can control. You can control your actions. You can control how you approach your ADHD (therapy, medication). You can control what you’re doing for recovery.
I look forward to hearing more about your next steps.
I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time. Where are you living right now? O know several people on here who have moved into sober living or halfway houses, and have rebuilt their lives.
You can do this too, but you need to try to shift your focus to what you can control. You can control your actions. You can control how you approach your ADHD (therapy, medication). You can control what you’re doing for recovery.
I look forward to hearing more about your next steps.
I am sorry that you are in such pain and I wish you peace, finally. You can find it only in yourself and I believe that medical attention, spiritual work and a solid program of recovery are what will guide you to freedom.
I suffer from depression and anxiety that crippled me in episodes throughout my life, and I medicated with alcohol. That stopped working for me a long time ago.
I did, and still do hold resentments to my parents for not "knowing enough" to help me. I realize today that a) Dad is as sick as I am and not there yet ready to admit powerlessness and b) Mom enabled Dad out of lack of proper knowledge and fear. I cannot blame them any more than I can blame myself. I have a disease and I have to help myself. No one else can.
It is ok to vent today, right now, but brush yourself off and take the responsibility for your own well-being. You have to be treated and learn to know yourself, finally. In this you will find everything you are looking for.
I am sorry that the cards dealt have not been the best, but start with gratitude for what you have today; your life. The knowledge you gained in treatment. Everything.
I wish you the very best on this journey towards happiness and joy and mostly, freedom from anger, pain and resentment. Do the work for you and let go of everything else. If it's out of your control, get it out of your head.
Night!
Nic.
I suffer from depression and anxiety that crippled me in episodes throughout my life, and I medicated with alcohol. That stopped working for me a long time ago.
I did, and still do hold resentments to my parents for not "knowing enough" to help me. I realize today that a) Dad is as sick as I am and not there yet ready to admit powerlessness and b) Mom enabled Dad out of lack of proper knowledge and fear. I cannot blame them any more than I can blame myself. I have a disease and I have to help myself. No one else can.
It is ok to vent today, right now, but brush yourself off and take the responsibility for your own well-being. You have to be treated and learn to know yourself, finally. In this you will find everything you are looking for.
I am sorry that the cards dealt have not been the best, but start with gratitude for what you have today; your life. The knowledge you gained in treatment. Everything.
I wish you the very best on this journey towards happiness and joy and mostly, freedom from anger, pain and resentment. Do the work for you and let go of everything else. If it's out of your control, get it out of your head.
Night!
Nic.
I definitely am not totally normal.... whatever that is.
I have tons of issues and problems. I feel pretty much everything good or bad that happens to me is my fault.
I can't say that for someone else. That is a personal choice.
You didn't ask for advice and I could not really offer any for your situation.
But, I understand what you said, I believe you 100%.
I relate to parents that are absent. I was left to my own control as a 5 year old. Nobody gave a hoot about me.
I feel unloved. It hurts.
But, inspite of that I made it to 55 years old.and blah blah.
I pretty much hate my parents.
So maybe I relate.
Hope you find daily peace, contentment, and happiness somehow.
Thanks.
I have tons of issues and problems. I feel pretty much everything good or bad that happens to me is my fault.
I can't say that for someone else. That is a personal choice.
You didn't ask for advice and I could not really offer any for your situation.
But, I understand what you said, I believe you 100%.
I relate to parents that are absent. I was left to my own control as a 5 year old. Nobody gave a hoot about me.
I feel unloved. It hurts.
But, inspite of that I made it to 55 years old.and blah blah.
I pretty much hate my parents.
So maybe I relate.
Hope you find daily peace, contentment, and happiness somehow.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Bellingham
Posts: 513
People live the lives they know how to live, the lives that work for them, and much of the time, those lives are spent in varying degrees of avoidance. The one hand does what the other hand doesn't know. Like, becoming a doctor because the pay is great and you get to be important, but all the while creating this public spin of desiring to help others. Paying lip service to causes, but prioritizing power and prestige: harboring the exact opposite values of the ones you purport to harbor. It's a kind of cognitive dissonance. Our society rewards this type of behavior. There was that super bowl ad. The football player father tells the son 'be somebody' when he should be really saying, find a way to be useful, and then you will be somebody.
I think my parents emerged from this situation we share. They were largely ignored as kids. Their parents had a display of some kind. Their way of life was "Be somebody." And so they learned to live that way, seeking self importance, self definition through a kind of shell game. Some of it was good. A lot of it was hot air. It was all very commonplace.
And then they repeated the same patterns with me, putting their stamp on it. The mistake in my experience is thinking that just because I outwardly seem completely different from my parents, that I'm not engaged in the same act of self evasion, of avoiding living in the details in favor of playing the same game.
The question is, what is living in the details? Maybe listening more than speaking. Maybe learning more than knowing. Embracing reality, the present, rather than living in stories, like the one I am telling right now.
I think my parents emerged from this situation we share. They were largely ignored as kids. Their parents had a display of some kind. Their way of life was "Be somebody." And so they learned to live that way, seeking self importance, self definition through a kind of shell game. Some of it was good. A lot of it was hot air. It was all very commonplace.
And then they repeated the same patterns with me, putting their stamp on it. The mistake in my experience is thinking that just because I outwardly seem completely different from my parents, that I'm not engaged in the same act of self evasion, of avoiding living in the details in favor of playing the same game.
The question is, what is living in the details? Maybe listening more than speaking. Maybe learning more than knowing. Embracing reality, the present, rather than living in stories, like the one I am telling right now.
Sorry you are feeling down Wastinglife. I wouldn't necessarily hold your awful family history against the entire medical profession. The medical profession is just like any other job in the world. There are some great ones, some good ones, and some bad ones. Same everywhere. Letting go of resentment is really tough, but necessary to live our best lives. Are you sober and safe with a place to lay your head at night?
I am sorry for your suffering and struggles. Here is a link to a group that "Through a foundation of peer led support group, courses and meetings, ADHD Toronto engages, educates, and empowers Adult ADHD individuals to live a better experience."
https://adhdtoronto.com/
I hope it proves to be helpful and remember that we are always here to listen.
https://adhdtoronto.com/
I hope it proves to be helpful and remember that we are always here to listen.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I feel for ya man. Sounds like a horrible situation, yet not that surprising. Some folks who wholly identify with their careers lose themselves as humans. Sorry for the loss of your mom and bless you for staying strong.
WastingLife, I sent you a PM with a link to an ADHD clinic in Toronto. Please don't give up and settle. I know it must be very tiring and discouraging to keep fighting for help with your mental health issues, but I hope you don't give up.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 578
I feel your pain WastingLife. I despise the "you're just lazy" excuse. I have family members right now who are struggling to cope with depression, ADHD, BP disorders, etc. for years. I am currently dealing with complex PTSD, Dissociatve disorder, adhd, and the list can go on and on......
I read something interesting the other day. It said that,
"Hate is Inevitable, but its also draining and toxic."
WL, we must cleanse ourselves of such negative emotions for our own survival. Brief background: My dad is also a doc and growing up he was never home; always working. Mom got custody after the divorce, so then she was never home; always working. All the while, I have 2 narcissistic parents constantly battling one another and absorbed in their own s*#t, let's say 20/7. Our home was consumed with negativity and anger -- with us kids acting out, constantly at war with each other whilst under No Supervision. My older siblings had strange people in-and-out of the house; I had no protection nor did any pay any attention and I was abused for years. My tools to cope were 'hiding food' then secretly eating it, and secretly drinking my moms booze. Once I found out she was too drunk to even know it was missing, I was drinking whenever I could. Oh, It felt so good & the only good I felt for a long time. Alcohol saved me from a lot of pain and helped me to repress so much anger & hate that my 10 yo mind could not fathom at the time. All my undeveloped mind understood was that - Alcohol is Everything to me - (..as Im writing this I can still feel the butterflies [/I]...like falling in love for the first time[/I]....its insane!!!) So obviously, 'many' unspeakable traumatic events followed for years until now. I am a 38 yo Addict, maladjusted, Adult-Child, with a Love-Hate relationship with Alcohol, a plethora of mental diagnoses, Legal problems, chronically Unemployed, Co-Dependent in relationships without Boundaries, isolated from a society that treats me like either 'Crazy' or maybe 'Just Spoiled,' and a family that lives in perpetual denial who told the court 'Im too Unfit' to raise my own child, and tell me that 'I Just Need Get Over It.'
WL, I admire the fact that you got the help that you needed for yourself and checking yourself into rehab. You are on SR and thats also a Positive choice that shows you are accepting responsibility and committed to your own well-being. You cant change anyone but yourself. Maybe he will come around; maybe he wont. Maybe you are a reflection of the failure that he might feel as a parent. Its easier to say, "you are lazy," then to admit and say," I am wrong or I am helpless in this situation." For now, I hope you focus on your recovery, heal your wounds, and put yourself in a position to be a service to others whenever you can.
I just came out of another horrible relapse. But Im finding my Peace in it. Ive decided to take a close look at my own thought patterns. Although I put the drink down -(which is a miracle in itself), I realize that I am still walking around with the same thought process as my 'alcoholic-self' -- and that's very dangerous. Sheer self-will cannot sustain me. God cannot do what I can do; and i cannot do what God can do. Positive affirmations are helping me train my twisted self-talk. And I try to check myself as much as I can throughout the day.
WastingLife, Abandonment is painful, I know. A positive twist on the situation is that you have all this time to focus on yourself, your recovery, and your journey through life. Ultimately, it is up to us to create our own happiness!
The sooner and the more often, that you choose to Let It Go - the better. I also want you to understand that PTSD can be very debilitating if left unchecked. The symptoms of my PTSD had me physically, mentally, spiritually immobilized for years! Untreated it is Impossible to cope like 'normal people.' Recognize, address, treat, and live a full life WL. The symptoms from my diagnoses of ADHD, Dissociative disorder, depression and anxiety were all secondary to untreated complex PTSD. For decades, I thought I was just depressed or lazy; but I was struggling with traumatic memories from years before and constantly trying to rationalize, replay, reinvent, and compartmentalize very intrusive thoughts. Everyday was torture that nobody else could see or understand. When you are suffering from PTSD; your world can literally stand still. Aspirations, motivations, and activities of daily living come close to a halt. Its nearly impossible to focus on normal things like paying bills, moving up in a career, maintaining relationships, finishing school, enjoying leisure activities, planning your future, planning your day, or just being cool. Instead, everyday the distance between you & the rest of the world increases incrementally as trauma plays the tapes over-and-over again. Alone and disconnected from the world, we remain mostly unnoticed as we walk around aimlessly, then self-medicate to end the nightmares at night & the insanity during the days. We see 'professionals' that we convince ourselves cant help us - because we've been accustomed to having doors shut on us.
Like I said , I feel the pain WL. The good news is that treated PTSD can provide much needed relief - even closure and likely Peace. The first step is to find a therapist to help you work through the 'roots' of your trauma. Second step, is commit to not giving up - because its a lot of work and is painful at times.
But thats okay too.
MUCH LOVE
I read something interesting the other day. It said that,
"Hate is Inevitable, but its also draining and toxic."
WL, we must cleanse ourselves of such negative emotions for our own survival. Brief background: My dad is also a doc and growing up he was never home; always working. Mom got custody after the divorce, so then she was never home; always working. All the while, I have 2 narcissistic parents constantly battling one another and absorbed in their own s*#t, let's say 20/7. Our home was consumed with negativity and anger -- with us kids acting out, constantly at war with each other whilst under No Supervision. My older siblings had strange people in-and-out of the house; I had no protection nor did any pay any attention and I was abused for years. My tools to cope were 'hiding food' then secretly eating it, and secretly drinking my moms booze. Once I found out she was too drunk to even know it was missing, I was drinking whenever I could. Oh, It felt so good & the only good I felt for a long time. Alcohol saved me from a lot of pain and helped me to repress so much anger & hate that my 10 yo mind could not fathom at the time. All my undeveloped mind understood was that - Alcohol is Everything to me - (..as Im writing this I can still feel the butterflies [/I]...like falling in love for the first time[/I]....its insane!!!) So obviously, 'many' unspeakable traumatic events followed for years until now. I am a 38 yo Addict, maladjusted, Adult-Child, with a Love-Hate relationship with Alcohol, a plethora of mental diagnoses, Legal problems, chronically Unemployed, Co-Dependent in relationships without Boundaries, isolated from a society that treats me like either 'Crazy' or maybe 'Just Spoiled,' and a family that lives in perpetual denial who told the court 'Im too Unfit' to raise my own child, and tell me that 'I Just Need Get Over It.'
WL, I admire the fact that you got the help that you needed for yourself and checking yourself into rehab. You are on SR and thats also a Positive choice that shows you are accepting responsibility and committed to your own well-being. You cant change anyone but yourself. Maybe he will come around; maybe he wont. Maybe you are a reflection of the failure that he might feel as a parent. Its easier to say, "you are lazy," then to admit and say," I am wrong or I am helpless in this situation." For now, I hope you focus on your recovery, heal your wounds, and put yourself in a position to be a service to others whenever you can.
I just came out of another horrible relapse. But Im finding my Peace in it. Ive decided to take a close look at my own thought patterns. Although I put the drink down -(which is a miracle in itself), I realize that I am still walking around with the same thought process as my 'alcoholic-self' -- and that's very dangerous. Sheer self-will cannot sustain me. God cannot do what I can do; and i cannot do what God can do. Positive affirmations are helping me train my twisted self-talk. And I try to check myself as much as I can throughout the day.
WastingLife, Abandonment is painful, I know. A positive twist on the situation is that you have all this time to focus on yourself, your recovery, and your journey through life. Ultimately, it is up to us to create our own happiness!
The sooner and the more often, that you choose to Let It Go - the better. I also want you to understand that PTSD can be very debilitating if left unchecked. The symptoms of my PTSD had me physically, mentally, spiritually immobilized for years! Untreated it is Impossible to cope like 'normal people.' Recognize, address, treat, and live a full life WL. The symptoms from my diagnoses of ADHD, Dissociative disorder, depression and anxiety were all secondary to untreated complex PTSD. For decades, I thought I was just depressed or lazy; but I was struggling with traumatic memories from years before and constantly trying to rationalize, replay, reinvent, and compartmentalize very intrusive thoughts. Everyday was torture that nobody else could see or understand. When you are suffering from PTSD; your world can literally stand still. Aspirations, motivations, and activities of daily living come close to a halt. Its nearly impossible to focus on normal things like paying bills, moving up in a career, maintaining relationships, finishing school, enjoying leisure activities, planning your future, planning your day, or just being cool. Instead, everyday the distance between you & the rest of the world increases incrementally as trauma plays the tapes over-and-over again. Alone and disconnected from the world, we remain mostly unnoticed as we walk around aimlessly, then self-medicate to end the nightmares at night & the insanity during the days. We see 'professionals' that we convince ourselves cant help us - because we've been accustomed to having doors shut on us.
Like I said , I feel the pain WL. The good news is that treated PTSD can provide much needed relief - even closure and likely Peace. The first step is to find a therapist to help you work through the 'roots' of your trauma. Second step, is commit to not giving up - because its a lot of work and is painful at times.
But thats okay too.
MUCH LOVE
You can get a pardon after 5-6 years for the dui. Need some money though to pay for it which is a problem since your not working. Not sure how I will deal with this same issue when I begin looking for a job. Sometimes it just makes me feel like jumping in front of a bus cause a lot of companies are doing background checks. So there is no real way of hiding the dui, only paying for a pardon will clear our records. I don't know what society expects us to do? Rob banks to make money? This problem makes me feel hopeless and that just leads me to want to drink. So far I haven't drank in over a year, antidepressants helped me.
As for your other issues all I can say is try antidepressants cause those hopeless feelings are hard to forget.
Good luck.
As for your other issues all I can say is try antidepressants cause those hopeless feelings are hard to forget.
Good luck.
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