What IS recovery? Addiction by Russell Brand
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What IS recovery? Addiction by Russell Brand
I am 5 hours into this this 7 hour book (audible) and I FINALLY understand what everyone means here when they talk about recovery. What an incredible book, it is like being inside of the mind of my AH. While Russell’s experience compared to my husband is extreme, the basic thought patterns and behaviors seem the same. This book is definitely worth reading or listening to so that you understand what someone in recovery actually looks like, how they should be thinking, the behavioral signs that come with being in recovery.
So thankful NYC mentioned this book!
At the same time, I feel like my husband’s mountain is so much taller to climb. I want this recovery/Enlightened version of him, otherwise it just won’t work for me. I am not willing to stay with this self-serving/selfish version of my husband that exists with an addiction. He wasn’t always like this.
It is still amazing to me how universal these behaviors are, how inherently selfish someone with an addiction is and how it seems to just come with the territory once someone has crossed over into an addiction. For the longest time I could not wrap my head around his selfish way of thinking, and now listening to this book seeing inside of an addicted brain I have perspective.
So thankful NYC mentioned this book!
At the same time, I feel like my husband’s mountain is so much taller to climb. I want this recovery/Enlightened version of him, otherwise it just won’t work for me. I am not willing to stay with this self-serving/selfish version of my husband that exists with an addiction. He wasn’t always like this.
It is still amazing to me how universal these behaviors are, how inherently selfish someone with an addiction is and how it seems to just come with the territory once someone has crossed over into an addiction. For the longest time I could not wrap my head around his selfish way of thinking, and now listening to this book seeing inside of an addicted brain I have perspective.
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That's great FWN!
So yes, now you can visualize what recovery looks like.
It's a process and it's not fast. I think the best you can hope for is that at 6 months he has quit drinking and committed to recovery. That would be an ideal. After that, a year or two of working on that recovery to get to a place he can be comfortable with, to then continue recovery.
I might read Russell's book. I like him and have watched a few videos of his, speaking about addiction.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJ-y5QSpgTo
So yes, now you can visualize what recovery looks like.
It's a process and it's not fast. I think the best you can hope for is that at 6 months he has quit drinking and committed to recovery. That would be an ideal. After that, a year or two of working on that recovery to get to a place he can be comfortable with, to then continue recovery.
I might read Russell's book. I like him and have watched a few videos of his, speaking about addiction.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJ-y5QSpgTo
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Trail mix thanks for the video!! It’s funny, I actually have zero preconceived notion’s about Russell brand… The only thing I know about him before was that I saw him walking down the French quarter in New Orleans when I was there several several years ago and someone pointed him out, but I had no clue who it was LOL
He is such an inspirational speaker, I am going to look at more videos once I am finished with his book.
I have said to my husband so many times that I wanted him to seek recovery but in hindsight I had zero clue what I was talking about, now I know. Like another poster said, knowledge is power. And I do now understand that this will take a long time, even if someone starts today and they are dead set on changing. It is a long, long change. Sigh… Sigh. What a difficult realization.
He is such an inspirational speaker, I am going to look at more videos once I am finished with his book.
I have said to my husband so many times that I wanted him to seek recovery but in hindsight I had zero clue what I was talking about, now I know. Like another poster said, knowledge is power. And I do now understand that this will take a long time, even if someone starts today and they are dead set on changing. It is a long, long change. Sigh… Sigh. What a difficult realization.
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Absolutely Hawkeye, we share an audible account and on a recent chat on the phone I have told him how much I have enjoyed the book and he says he will read it too.
I will be interested to hear his feedback, because if he is still not interested in the program by the end of the book then that will tell me a lot about where he is at. And I cannot wait forever for my marriage to be saved, as terrible as that sounds.
I will be interested to hear his feedback, because if he is still not interested in the program by the end of the book then that will tell me a lot about where he is at. And I cannot wait forever for my marriage to be saved, as terrible as that sounds.
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For the record, it doesn’t sound terrible to me for you to contemplate not waiting around for your marriage to be saved. Over and over again I am taught the lesson that no one is coming to save me, so I had best get busy saving myself.
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Thank you sparkle kitty. When I really think about it, waiting a year for my husband to figure out his life so that we can put our family back together in the grand scheme of things does not seem unreasonable, but waiting a year and for him not to have figured out his life and him not to have decided the path he wants his recovery seems unreasonable. Such a catch 22, I cannot predict the future. I know I need to do what is best for me and the kids, and what I think is best is my family put it together with a husband in recovery for a while. But there’s just no guarantee.
Like I’ve said before, I am not in a hurry to divorce him. I want to feel like I have given him every opportunity to make this work now that he has all necessary information at his disposal. Otherwise I would not be able to live with my decision in peace.
But thank you, a big part of me feels like a terrible person if we end up divorcing, regardless of the reason for it.
Like I’ve said before, I am not in a hurry to divorce him. I want to feel like I have given him every opportunity to make this work now that he has all necessary information at his disposal. Otherwise I would not be able to live with my decision in peace.
But thank you, a big part of me feels like a terrible person if we end up divorcing, regardless of the reason for it.
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There's a reason that the phrase "one day at a time" has such huge resonance in the recovery community. Personally, in times of stress and uncertainty, I try to focus on just doing the Next Right Thing, and letting go of what may or may not happen down the line. Sometimes that means not doing anything at all.
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Originally Posted by SparkleKitty 
There's a reason that the phrase "one day at a time" has such huge resonance in the recovery community. Personally, in times of stress and uncertainty, I try to focus on just doing the Next Right Thing, and letting go of what may or may not happen down the line. Sometimes that means not doing anything at all.
Glad that you found some literature that helped you FWN! I haven't read his book but Russell Brand is quite fascinating, he seems like a very intelligent person and unusual thinker.
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Originally Posted by hazy
This has been one of the most groundbreaking things I've learned over the past 6 months. I still grapple with it, and I suspect many other anxious/overthinking/overachieving types do too.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
Perhaps realizing that doing nothing is a choice is helpful. It's not just passively ignoring/letting things roll on by, it's choosing.
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FWN...…..I am struck by your statement that you feel like a "terrible person" if you end up divorced.
That just, to me, sounds like such a strong judgmental statement about yourself.....
I can imagine that you must have some very strong admonitions against divorce,,,,even for those in an untenable and unhappy situations.....
Can you elaborate on that statement come more...(if you care to)….?
That just, to me, sounds like such a strong judgmental statement about yourself.....
I can imagine that you must have some very strong admonitions against divorce,,,,even for those in an untenable and unhappy situations.....
Can you elaborate on that statement come more...(if you care to)….?
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Dandylion, good question. I am not a person who believes people shouldn’t divorce, I know in many many cases it’s necessary. Here I just feel like I’m giving up on a person that I love very much and almost dooming them to a miserable life whereas if I held on a little longer they may see the light and change their ways. I know this is codependence at its best here. But it’s how I feel. And I am going to have to work through that.
I do not think people who divorce are terrible people, not at all what I was trying to say.
I do not think people who divorce are terrible people, not at all what I was trying to say.
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FWN...….I hear what you are saying about how your feel. Yes, we do feel how we feel.
Do keep in mind that there is a difference between "giving up" and letting go of that which we do not have control over.
Also, remember that alcoholism has its grip on him due to the factors within himself....and, those factors can go very, very deep. His alcoholism battle is about him. The ever present alcohol voice is very powerful and persistent….and, is much bigger, to the alcoholic, than anything that you do or don't do, in the overall.
Whatever decisions that you make for your own welfare, I don't think are a reflection of how much you love, or, don't love, your alcoholic loved one. So many of us love our alcoholic...and, continue our alcoholic....even those of us who have to love them from a distance.
Do keep in mind that there is a difference between "giving up" and letting go of that which we do not have control over.
Also, remember that alcoholism has its grip on him due to the factors within himself....and, those factors can go very, very deep. His alcoholism battle is about him. The ever present alcohol voice is very powerful and persistent….and, is much bigger, to the alcoholic, than anything that you do or don't do, in the overall.
Whatever decisions that you make for your own welfare, I don't think are a reflection of how much you love, or, don't love, your alcoholic loved one. So many of us love our alcoholic...and, continue our alcoholic....even those of us who have to love them from a distance.
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