ptown

One of the things that scares me the most early in this process (I'm on day 3 right now, almost day 4) is that I'm never sure if the people around me will forgive or understand me. I don't ever really expect either, but I am trying to remain optimistic about it. One positive thing that happened today was that my coworkers greeted me back with a smile. That felt really good - even though they have no idea what is actually going on. I was gone from the office almost the entire week and was worried they wouldn't believe me when I said I was sick. Though I do plan on telling most of them eventually what I've been going through, for now I told them it was a bad infection. I lied.

I guess that brings up another thing I've thought about - how have you all handled your work and/or coming clean to people who you are friends with but don't feel like you're close enough to share with? I'd like to live honestly but I also don't want to over-share or make people uncomfortable.

I should mention that I have taken the step of telling people who I am closer to, but that consists of a very, very small circle at this time.

Ghostlight1

I like to live honestly, too. Sometimes I'm a miserable failure at it and I'll be the first to admit it.
I guess I didn't really tell a lot of people outright. When they saw me not drinking for an extended period, I guess they figured it out for themselves.
You may be surprised, as I was, how little people really care that you quit drinking.

It was a huge deal to me, but to others well, they've got their own lives and it may not be a big deal to them.
I projected that onto them, that I would have explaining to do. But I found that wasn't the case.
Actions speak louder than words. And if people in your life see you not drinking and question you, well, I told the truth. I said I quit drinking. And very few people asked me. I was surprised. People I've known for thirty years. They didn't ask. Strange but true.
Again, it's a big deal to us, but others have their own lives and my drinking I guess wasn't a big deal to them.

Dee74

I'd love to tell you be honest be open - but there's still a stigma to being an alcoholic.

I wasn't working when I quit but I'd be careful how much I told work colleagues...once you let that particular Genie out, you can't cram it back in the box.

There are people who need to know - partners for example...personally I couldn't not tell my partner - but outside that, exercise some caution, I think?

D

ptown

Ghostlight that is an incredibly comforting thing to think about - that it certainly isn't as huge of a deal in their minds as it is in mine. I tend to live in my own head probably more than I should with all sort of stuff like this. I'm going to just keep focusing on getting better.

I have felt that stigma, too, though. Just with little things like not ordering a drink at a happy hour. They do know that I don't drink but are not necessarily aware of why. I think that is a fine place to leave it for the foreseeable future.

Zebra1275

You are in early sobriety on day 4, and there is no requirement that you tell everybody, or in fact anybody, what is going on.

Personally, I would not tell any one, except my wife, about my struggles with alcohol. If my boss would happen to bring it up I would have an honest confidential one to one conference with them.

Your job right now is to concentrate on working your plan to stay sober, that's your priority. Don't muddy the waters by worrying about how to inform other people at this point.

I would also suggest that you first get 90 days of sobriety under your belt, and then evaluate who you want to confide in or not. Your thinking may change between now and then.

ZIP

I agree with the others about disclosing an alcohol problem. I look at it this way--you're off work due to illness--which is true. Maybe focus on the gift of a fresh start and the friendship of your coworkers.

Sunnyday13

I thought I posted but don’t see it, sorry if this is a re-post.
I am not working but have given a lot of thought about who to tell. I am comfortable with talking about my new sobriety, but I think many people are not that comfortable hearing it. I am only discussing with my closest and long-term friends. You can always share later if you decide to.
Congrats on a great start. Come back, lots of support here!

wehav2day

I have a job with a “sensitive classification,” and you bet I’ve not said anything to coworkers. I used to think that made me inauthentic, but frankly I’m over that now.

My spouse (of course, she was there) knows, my family knows. Some of my friends know.

Everyone knows I don’t drink,. I feel that’s the most important thing.
A few people know why.

I don’t think you are the least bit obligated to tell people why you aren’t drinking. Just don’t drink.

D122y

I didn't really open up about quitting, it just came up.

Since one or two folks knew, it got around. D122y quit drinking, he must be an alky.

Funny how that worked.

If a person quits drinking, they had a problem.

If a person still drinks, they must be ok.

I am positive that if i kept drinking i would have managed for many more years.

I might have come down with diabetes or had a stroke eventually, but maybe not.

My brain tends to forget the negative things.

But, i remember how exhausted i used to be all the time. Now i am able to accomplish 10x more things in a day and be pleasant the whole time.

Yay!

Thanks.

Sammy1980

You don't have to tell anyone unless you feel the need to. This is your journey not anyone else's.

ClarkGrizwold

Tell them when you are ready, but you should tell them at some point.

ptown

I greatly appreciate all of the stories and advice here everyone. Thanks for taking the time to talk with me.