Confused
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 1
Confused
My Boyfriend of 5 years is an alcoholic. He has been in and out of rehab at lest 6 times. He met someone new about 2 months ago. Detoxed and is now dating her. He has been sober for three weeks. Will this last? I’m confused and heart broken
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
I'm really sorry for what brings you here jilirene.
I've never been to rehab myself but rehab romances seem pretty common.
Whether it will last or not, who knows.
The odds are probably against this relationship lasting but would you still want someone back who dumps you after 5 years tho?
Sounds like you deserve better, really?
D
I've never been to rehab myself but rehab romances seem pretty common.
Whether it will last or not, who knows.
The odds are probably against this relationship lasting but would you still want someone back who dumps you after 5 years tho?
Sounds like you deserve better, really?
D
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Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 519
Jill I am sorry that you are going through this. It hurts that you hurt, but I have grown to believe that the Universe removes to replace. I think that you need to take care of yourself.
As difficult as this time is, know that whatever is yours will be yours. Find solace in this.
It is what I choose to believe. I had a husband and relationship of 9 years that I thought I would have forever. I realized that I was sick too late and I lost it. He has moved on and I have to accept that.
We don't know what is going through his head. All I know is from my own experience that super early recovery is not a time to be making big changes such as dating anyone new. I am sorry that you are caught in his impulsiveness. But know that he is sick, and trying to heal. You care for him, so maybe find it in you to be grateful that he is sober. This is not to de-validate your feelings at all, and we never know what is going on behind the scenes.
Perhaps since you have dealt with being in an alcoholic relationship, you can go to an Al-Anon meeting and see if you can find more support?
We are here for anyone who seeks help.
Hope you are doing well.
As difficult as this time is, know that whatever is yours will be yours. Find solace in this.
It is what I choose to believe. I had a husband and relationship of 9 years that I thought I would have forever. I realized that I was sick too late and I lost it. He has moved on and I have to accept that.
We don't know what is going through his head. All I know is from my own experience that super early recovery is not a time to be making big changes such as dating anyone new. I am sorry that you are caught in his impulsiveness. But know that he is sick, and trying to heal. You care for him, so maybe find it in you to be grateful that he is sober. This is not to de-validate your feelings at all, and we never know what is going on behind the scenes.
Perhaps since you have dealt with being in an alcoholic relationship, you can go to an Al-Anon meeting and see if you can find more support?
We are here for anyone who seeks help.
Hope you are doing well.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
Hey, young one! I am 61 years old and I have a different perspective. Being confused and heartbroken sucks!! Having a boyfriend that has been in rehab 6 times sucks!!
You can do better. It just takes time. Take care.
You can do better. It just takes time. Take care.
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 62
So sorry to hear about this. Being in a new relationship that soon after getting sober would really scare me. I have heard before that it is not the best idea to jump right into a relationship in the early days or even months of recovery - kind of like NicLin said, it's not a great time to be doing that or even be thinking clearly about that. I don't know what else to say other than I'm so sorry that you are going through this, and you DO deserve better than that.
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
I'm sorry Jillrene. Odds are that won't last but who knows? If I were you I would move on down the road. If he ever wants to come back, have some ground rules. Sober at least a year. Single at least a year. Etc. You get to decide who to let back into your life and how you want to live. Don't accept the chaos that an addict brings with him.
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,154
If he changes, no problem. But he won't. And more importantly, there is little you can do for him. Even if he sees the light, you may not be in it.
I don't see any reason for confusion. The only thing going for him in his asset column is "Maybe a miracle will happen," while his debit column is full and growing.
Hmmm. Let's see, you could put "But I love him," in his asset column, but that's not his asset. It should go in your column, probably in your debit column, because it doesn't have a thing to do with his assets.
Stop being confused. Find someone good for you. Someone who cares. Someone who isn't a mess.
I don't see any reason for confusion. The only thing going for him in his asset column is "Maybe a miracle will happen," while his debit column is full and growing.
Hmmm. Let's see, you could put "But I love him," in his asset column, but that's not his asset. It should go in your column, probably in your debit column, because it doesn't have a thing to do with his assets.
Stop being confused. Find someone good for you. Someone who cares. Someone who isn't a mess.
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