ludicrous

on thursday it will be six months since my last drink. but right now i feel like it will be the first day i'll drink again. i am an alcoholic and bi-polar and an excitement junky. since i quit drinking all i find to do is work, eat, and sleep. my wife and i argue more now than we did when we drank. i am very bored and frustrated and not finding answers to show me why i am doing this as opposed to abandoning my wife and business. at least at the bar there's people to interact with that don't expect anything and you're not obligated to do anything or be there at any certain time and it's more amuzing than the TV.

anybody got some suggestions?

Phinneas

Sure... play the tape to the end. Remember the pain, misery and humiliation that comes from being unable to control drinking. Then get to a meeting. Go early, stay late, listen to the newcomers share their story and remember again why we choose sobriety over active addiction. Really work the steps this time. And pray for willingness and strength.

Do whatever you have to do to not drink. You'll feel better about yourself in the morning. I promise.

Hang in there.

jojo

TorontoGuy28

Ludicrous -

I have never gone 6 months sober, so congrats on that man.

All I have to do, is remember the pain/anxiety/stress/depression after a heavy night of partying. The fear on not remembering of what I did the night before etc..

Have you gone to any AA face to face meetings ? That might be key.. You get to meet people in similar situation as yourself... People you can hang out with, be friends with etc.. There is a lot more to not-drinking than just not drinking. Need to work the steps, help others to stay sober.....

I know exactly how you feel when it comes to "all I find to do is work, eat, and sleep".... After 2/3 weeks of sobriety I get the same exact thoughts... In my case, I workout twice per day which helps -- BUT it is not enough.. Going to meetings, finding new hobbies - basically, chaning they way you used to live each day is what's needed.... Booze is NOT the answer.

Stay strong ludicrous......

TG28, an alcoholic

Ama

Ludicrous,

Hi there and welcome. And a huge congrats on your sobriety. But from AA meetings and talking with alcoholics who maintain sobriety through recovery programmes, it seems that you are what I have been - a dry drunk. All the same insanities stay in the way we think.

But it seems to me that if you could get to meetings it would help you alot. Talk to other alcoholics as this is a very lonely disease and we need each others understanding and support. Luvs and Gentle Recovery to All Ama

Time2Surrender

Congrtats on your 6 months! That is awesome! You mention all you do is work,eat and sleep.I didnt see go to meetings in there.If all I did was work,eat and sleep I would not be happy either.I know cause I have done it.However today,I go to meetings,I do service work,hang out with people from my meetings,and work the steps to the best of my ability.In return for going to meetings ,I manage to stay clean and sober another day,I make life long friends,and I feel good.As for working the steps,I am becoming a better and happier person.AA gives me hope.It also makes me grateful.The daily grind can become boring if I let it.Drugs and alcohol can only make things worse for me.Thanks to AA,I do have a life today.

markd451

Good for you to stay sober 6 months! Now the real sh*t begins, as they say.

You hid behind booze until 6 months ago, and now you realize you have to deal with an intimate realtionship - you live with her - that's about as intimate as they get.

If you just reading this gets you anxious, I know I've struck a chord.

You & your wife fight because you don't thave the old distancing of booze putting a wall up between you two.

Try being active in your community. Teach people to read, help the elderly, learn to play guitar. All these will help boredom. Lithium might help even your moods. Please talk with a good MD or psychiatrist. Oh, and you may want to avoid the anti-depressants - they cause negative ideation in some people.

BUT...

You have a wife, presumably at some time you both felt enough love to marry. Why don't you try getting counseling for your relationship? Hmmm?

I would be willing to bet that going to Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous meetings might help you see your patterns of behavior in relationships, and help you get some perspective on why you are acting the way you are. They deal a lot more with relationships than with sexual addiction. Alternatively, private personal (not couples) counseling might help you understand your behaviors, and what you need to do to make it really work with your wife.

Oh, and those people at the bar you miss? They're not your friends, they're not your wife, and they DO prevent you from being adult and intimate in your relationships. Think it over.

Please do NOT quit your sobriety. You are now facing the real work.

Good luck.

Mark

ludicrous

i've had two exposures to aa and didn't relate. my self esteem is pretty low and don't mix in well. around here aa seems to be a place where the judge sends people who only go because the judge says so.

ludicrous

hey toronto. too bad about hockey this year. i was born in woodstock, i remember selling stuff so i could win a trip to see the leaves and terri sawchuck.

Ama

Go to AA every darned day - move around different meetings until you find one you are comfortable with. It clears the head - fake it - I know that my resistence to meetings has been to do with my denial of this disease.

Sit at the back of the room - listen to those who are in the same boat - that is a comfort - just like this site.....People trying to aid each others recovery can never be bad for you and is a committment to recovery......Stay well!!!! Luvs Ama

ludicrous

thanks for the input. i've made it another day and will have faith that God is with me and will help and guide me in the right direction. I hate what everything has done to us and i'm afraid that we won't be able to put it back together again (espeicially since some of the obstacles can't or won't be removed). I love my wife of 24 years very much and want to stay with her.

keep the sunny side up.

TorontoGuy28

Ludicrous -- yeah man, it sucks about hockey !!! Leafs' games are unreal, so much energy there..... When did you move to Ohio ?

As far as AA goes, don't compare yourself to people there - BUT draw commonalities in some of what people say... That's key I think.

Low Self-esteem ? What do you think will lift it ? Been there as well, but feeling like sh*t about myself and wanting to crawl into a hole was always related to a recent relapse.. I am not an expert on this, but do something for yourself... Ever workout ? It does wonders for me....

Personally, if I was in your shoes -- I'd be very proud about staying sober for almost 6 months !!! That's an amazing accomplishment, but more work is needed man......

One more thing I've learned when it comes to relationships -- I can't be happy being with anyone else UNLESS I am happy with/by myself....

All the best......

TG28.

alone in dallas

i wont judge and i have been through it all it seems do if you want to talk to some one feel free to talk to me
there is always hope
stephanie
things might not be f(*k#$% fantastis and great and life suck but in the end if you think about its okay everything is okay. its just okay but you can always make okay better.

ludicrous

my parents moved us here in 67. people down here could barely say the word hockey then. I was the #1 goalie in my league (at age 10). i was even asked to play on the traveling all-star team . I was goalie and my last season I let in 33 goals. didn't have an outlet anymore so became depressed, got in trouble, searched out ways to get booze and grass to kill the pain at age 14. I guess some things we carry with us forever. oh well.. thanks and you have a good nite - i've taken some sleeping pills so hopefully i'l get to sleep soon as well otherwise i'll go get a job done before the rain gets too bad.

1Marty

Hello Ludicrous. Congrats on the 6 months! It is very hard to quit drinking on our own. I needed a recovery program in my life. I also needed the help of other alcoholics. We all need to deal with the underlying causes of our drinking. Our Will power can only take us so far. AA has really become a big part of my life. If AA is not your bag, I encourage to check out some of the AA alternatives listed on this site.

I also miss the Hockey!

ludicrous

thanks, i'll talk to my wife about that or maybe just let her read this thread. you guys are very nice and helpful.

Time2Surrender

Ludicrous,I am glad to see you back here again.And I am also glad to see you have another day sober.One day at a time.Keep coming back.

Don S

Hi, ludicrous,
Here are some alternatives to AA:

Secular alternatives include:

SOS:
http://www.secularsobriety.org/localusa.html


Lifering:
http://www.unhooked.com/index.htm


Behavioral approaches include:

SMART Recovery:
http://smartrecovery.org/


Rational Recovery:
http://www.rational.org/

Here's a link which compares some of them:

http://www.rrci.net/recovery_spectrum.htm

Don S

subliminalurge

Ludicrous, you asked for advice, here's mine...

File for divorce. Don't drag your wife through this with you. YOU have a substance abuse problem, not her. Don't drag her into your hell. Besides, any woman that would put up with your behaviour is clearly messed up in her own right...

You're a sick pup, she's a sick pup. Nothing good can come from you guys staying together.

subliminalurge

I think you just answered your own question. You're not capable of being in a relationship.

icecream pete

Sorry to disagree but that is not helpful Sub. Booze changes what we are and what we can be. It affects all of our responses especially relationships and those things for which we are responsible. That does not mean that we are incapable of them or can not repair them but it does take courage for an alcoholic to accept, that in order to move forward, we must change.

Regrettably stopping drinking (for me) is not enough, I know for sure that unless I change my outlook on life, then I will drink because of apparrent boredom and frustration and a whole lot of other excuses.

Where Sub is right is that it is your problem Ludicrous. Six months is fantastic it is a great base to re start from, give AA another go and as others have said, better than me, draw on the similarities you can find not the differences or try some of the other suggestions that these guys have made, its got to be better than the alternatives.

One thing is for sure the world is not going to change to fit in with the way we want it to be, we have to change in order to accept that.

Good luck

Pete