WinnDixie

Hi all,

Ive looked at this forum for a while and feel ready to post.
I'm 45 years old, I have a partner I love and who loves me. He doesnt know of my issues.

I have five kids. Blended.

8 years ago my world collapsed and I found myself a divorced mother of three. I was broken. I picked myself up, went back to work and worked damn hard to support my kids. Years later, I'm owed over $100 grand in child support, life has not been easy.

Three years ago I started to drink. A glass turned into two. Turned into a bottle.

Now I hide it. From the ones I love. I drink a fifth of vodka daily. And I hide it from everyone.

Today I had my first day off work, beause of what I drank yesterday. THis has to stop. I have to stop this. I came here for help. For support. I cant ask anyone else in my life, but maybe this forum can help. Any advice. Will anyone be a friend to me?

I wish everyone the best. This is day one. I have to do this. I want to. I'm just afraid I dont have the strength.

blessings ,

WD

Dee74

Hi and welcome WinnDixie

The great thing about SR is the support - even when we fear we're not strong enough - with support, we can do anything

I'm glad you found us

D

fishkiller

Hello WD!

You CAN do it. It ain't easy but it is possible.

You have come to the right place if you are looking for support.

I hope you stick around. This place is great!

ptown

least

Welcome! I didn't think I'd have the strength to stay sober but I took it minute by minute and with each passing day, I got stronger.

Come here for support if you feel like drinking. Tell on yourself and let us talk you out of it. You are not alone anymore, you've got all of us now in your corner.

I am glad you joined our family. I hope SR can help you like it helped me.

PS, did you get your name from the book? I remember my kids reading it. They liked it a lot.

HeadEast

I started drinking because of stresses in my life from a relationship break up. It escalated fast for me. I never had to hide it because I was single and alone. Start now and let's do it. We're all friend here. Post here regularly because it will stay stopped. I have no idea why this works, but it does. (I misread your post and thought you owed 100k child support. LOL. Much admiration for you as a single mom.)

Coz

Hi WD
Great choice to get some support to recover from this alcohol addiction many of us have - congratulations.
You sound a lot like me in that wine and vodka are my drinks of choice, and I 'hide' my excess drinking from friends, family and anyone else. But I do know that I was not hiding it well and everyone knows. I still don't want to admit to any of them that I have a real problem and hence using SR as my support base. At least everyone here understands the addiction and the challenges in ditching it!
All the best for joining the SR family and combating your drinking forever.

Steely

You will find friends here WinnDixie. People do understand.

SR is the only resource I use in helping me remain sober. Today I am 45 days sober. Very proud of myself. You will be too.

Keep posting and believe me when I say, you CAN do this.

Welcome.

althea309

Surrendered19

Hi WinnDixie. You'll find many friends here. Is today Day 2? I hope it is. Don't worry about the sleep thing if that is an issue for you. Just enjoy the clear-headed sober moments even at 3:00 a.m. Also, I wouldn't sell your family and friends too short. I'll wager more than one of them know that you drink too much and are trying to hide it. But that isn't important right now. If you want some accountability on that front, give your partner a detailed list of all of your hiding places. Today, keep things really simple. Cleaned, fed, dishes washed, chores done, lunches made then a piece of cheesecake is all we are aiming for. It helped me early on to each morning make a written agenda for my day. Script every minute. You will start to identify your craving time and your schedule will keep you moving along through the day. Then, you will reach a time at some point in the evening where the craving is gone and you've made it another day. One day at a time. Welcome to SR. Living in Day 71 here after 30 years of insanity. The best 71 days since I was a kid. Join us. It will be amazing.

Zebra1275

I drink a fifth of vodka daily. And I hide it from everyone.

From my experience, you won't be able to do that for long.

I was drinking heavily (not quite that much) in my mid 40's while still "functioning" to the rest of the world. My body betrayed me via the shakes and other withdrawal symptoms and I needed to be hospitalized for a couple of days. There is no hiding it when that happens.

VinnyMcM

Welcome Wynn! I too use only SR as my sobriety resource and it’s working for me (44 days sober). I have a lot of great people in my life that would be willing to hear about my addiction struggles but there is no way they can understand what this is like. Everyone here “gets” it.

Are you able to have a candid conversation with your partner about your drinking? I ask this because it helped me tremendously. I didn’t think I could be that transparent about being a drunk but it was a huge weight off my shoulders. It gave me the mindset that if I drank, I would be letting her down too.

As for hiding your drinking, your partner will find out about this. I was a magician at hiding random drinks around the house. At least I thought I was. When your drunk all the time, this weird thing happens when you forget everything you did. I’m guessing when we eventually move out of this house, I’ll probably still find empties laying around.

Good luck and stick around!

biminiblue

First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.

Sounds pretty serious. I know I wasn't really fooling anyone. That old, "Vodka doesn't have a smell?" Yeah, not true. They can smell it.

What is your plan for quitting? Cold turkey? Weaning? Detox?

Anna

Welcome, Winn.

I, too, believed I was hiding my drinking from my husband, family and from everyone. I wasn't. I'm glad you found us and that you are ready to stop drinking.

WinnDixie

Thank you all.....I appreciate the replies and support.

biminiblue

So last night (or 14 hours ago) you said, "This is Day One." How's it going? Have you had a drink since then?

I hope you're doing well.

You've got a whole bunch of instant friends here who understand.

Wastinglife

WinneDixie, I drank at least a fifth of Vodka for about 2 years. My tolerance was at the point where I could look you in the eye and you wouldn't know I had a blood alcohol level of 0.015. Impaired driving here in Canada is 0.008. And I was working for a bank. I had to go to a bar at lunch to drink a couple pints of beer because my hands were shaking so much that I couldn't type an email.

I do recommend that you go see a doctor. They will help you to detox. Don't go cold turkey. I was in the ER just before Christmas. They gave me medication to help with the withdrawal symptoms. See a doctor. Trust me!

Reid82

Welcome to SR! Again like the others have said, best to get professional help to deal with any detox as you've been drinking large amounts.

lessgravity

Welcome WD. Different lives but similar circumstances in that I'm about the same age and a divorce was a part of decisions I made to drink to excess. I know the pain and fear that divorce and related parenthood can cause. I also know, like it sounds like you may as well, just how wonderful a sober life can be.

This place alone, with a lot of work, got me sober, permanently. It can do the same for you.

How's day two going?