Truth

My bf has been sober for 50 days and is going to an AA meeting everyday. He has also been in therapy for about 11 months now. I believe that is more emotionally and mentally addicted to alcohol rather than physical. He is also on anti depressant and anti anxiety medication. I love him so much. Right now he is having a real hard time because he is doubting every feeling and emotion and i think he is really doubting whether he should be in a relationship at all. We are taking a break right now and not speaking so often and not really seeing each other. i think he doesn't know whether he loves himself right now, let alone me. i feel like he doesn't know what he wants and is very confused. He is really trying to work the AA program and I am currently going to alanon and coda meetings. I think i might just break off all ties altogether even though i would miss him a great deal and I guess my question is- What are other people's experiences with the beginning stages of sobriety? i thought it might help me with my decision. also to add our relationship was pretty good- no abuse in any way- it was just that he gets anxious and depressed more than most people do. thanks in advance for your responses

Morning Glory

The medication takes 4 to 6 weeks to start working. I'm not sure how long he has been taking it. It can make a big difference.

Hugs

Rainy

Is it possible to offer just friendship at this point...no strings attached?

Hugs,

Ewok

I need some advice. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me four months ago and I can't let go. He's been in recovery for nine months now. When he first started AA, i was supportive and happy for him but, as time went on he began to change. He takes his program very seriously and attends meetings everyday. Towards the end of the relationship, i guess i got jealous of the time he spent with his sponsor and other fellow AA members. I will admit that i wasn't supportive and said a lot of mean things to him. This whole situation is really hard! I wanted so badly to support him, but i just couldn't. So, six months into his sobriety he broke up with me. I haven't spoken to him since the day he broke up with me. I tried a few times to contact him but he doesn't respond to my phone calls. I love him so much and want the best for him. I've been going to threapy for about 6 months now and tried Alanon. I'm really hurt and just wish he would speak to me. I know it's out of my hands. But, does anyone have any advice?? His bday is next week and i want to know if i should contact him..

Truth

Just wanted to respond that he has been on medication for over two months now. The big thing i am having a problem with is that he is taking AA a little too seriously and doing everything exactly as they say. For example really doing everything one day at a time and not being able to make plans in advance at all- even for thanksgiving. He is also blaming all of his inconsiderate or selfish behavior on the alcoholism. He never gave me a birthday present or card this year and that was two months ago and yet last year he threw me a surprise party and went thru lots of trouble to do it. So u might see where my confusion is.
Ewok
no one can make a decision for you but it sounds as if he is emotionally unavailable for u right now and there is nothing u can do to change him. Work on focusing on urself. I know it is difficult because it is what i am struggling with right now. My boyfriend has not broken up with me but i feel that he is pushing me away and being passive aggressive with things like not calling when he says he will and doing little things that he knows will bother me. he says i am reading too much into his behavior but i don't think so. i almost wish he would just break up with me and say that he cannot be with me right now. i think i need to make the decision to leave because it is unfair to me to be with someone and not get any of my needs met.
Rainy
i don't know if i can offer friendship at this point since i love him so much and am still emotionally attached to him. i wish i could do that.

Dee at Mt Bully

Truth--I think you pretty much answered your own questions in your last post to Ewok
and your comments about your boyfriend. Sounds like he really does need to take it one day at a time and he probably can't handle a close relationship. Maybe back up
a little and call once a week just as a friend for awhile. He may need time to get his feet on the ground. I think in AA they encourage people to not have relationships for awhile. I'm not sure of that--might ask an A. Take care--Smiles--Dee