Actual Intervention to compel alcoholic into treatment
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Actual Intervention to compel alcoholic into treatment
I thought I'd post this link. An intervention uses the power of the group of loved ones and friends to "raise the bottom" and thus compel the addict to accept treatment. Usually they all read emotionally charged letters while also showing their love for the addict.
https://youtu.be/djY2IM5iwRI?t=1872
https://youtu.be/djY2IM5iwRI?t=1872
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Went through one with my mom when I was about 12.
Very emotional and traumatic for me but I wrote the letter, as did brother and grandma, and she went to treatment per the plan.
She relapsed shortly after coming home as she really wasn’t done drinking and that was the end of that. I felt so horribly betrayed when I got home from school and saw the bottle that first time. She drank the rest of her life.
Not saying interventions don’t work, but beware the emotional cost to minor children who participate. I really think they at least should not be part of it.
Very emotional and traumatic for me but I wrote the letter, as did brother and grandma, and she went to treatment per the plan.
She relapsed shortly after coming home as she really wasn’t done drinking and that was the end of that. I felt so horribly betrayed when I got home from school and saw the bottle that first time. She drank the rest of her life.
Not saying interventions don’t work, but beware the emotional cost to minor children who participate. I really think they at least should not be part of it.
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I’m sorry you went through that, Hawkeye. I can only imagine the hope growing in a child’s heart to be ultimately dashed knowing that the parent wasn’t done drinking yet.
My experience was when my stepson’s siblings and my late husband held an intervention. My stepson did agree to go to the hospital that night, but kept drinking and drugging for the next 11 years. It took brain damage for him to stop—and I’m still not sure what his future holds.
At least the intervention meant most of the family were finally on the same page as far as his addiction was concerned.
My experience was when my stepson’s siblings and my late husband held an intervention. My stepson did agree to go to the hospital that night, but kept drinking and drugging for the next 11 years. It took brain damage for him to stop—and I’m still not sure what his future holds.
At least the intervention meant most of the family were finally on the same page as far as his addiction was concerned.
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I called my ex sister-in-law to help with an intervention. She turned around and told my ex.
I was thinking this morning about the first step: "We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. "
The alcoholic has to come to a place in life where they admit this, or they don't quit.
I was thinking this morning about the first step: "We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. "
The alcoholic has to come to a place in life where they admit this, or they don't quit.
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The link says the video is blocked.
When people mention intervention, the Dr.Phil Family comes to mind. Over eight years, Dr. Phil threw mountains of money toward counseling, medical care, etc. toward a pregnant teen and her dysfunctional family. End result was continued dysfunction, two more babies by two more daddies, and more drug use, and more entitlement.
I understand what it's supposed to do: tell the addict how his/her addiction is affecting loved ones. Ultimately, isn't it using guilt or manipulation to coerce someone into treatment?
When people mention intervention, the Dr.Phil Family comes to mind. Over eight years, Dr. Phil threw mountains of money toward counseling, medical care, etc. toward a pregnant teen and her dysfunctional family. End result was continued dysfunction, two more babies by two more daddies, and more drug use, and more entitlement.
I understand what it's supposed to do: tell the addict how his/her addiction is affecting loved ones. Ultimately, isn't it using guilt or manipulation to coerce someone into treatment?
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In my opinion as an alcoholic, I think it would backfire. The Intervention TV show had many examples of the addict walking out of the intervention, or leaving half-way through treatment or going back to using as soon as they got home.
When I was in my drinking days of my twenties I had willingly cut myself off from my super dysfunctional uncaring family. Had they tried something like this I would have laughed and walked out and gone to the bar with a big, "No." But then, people with loving caring normal-ish close families might have a different reaction.
Normal, caring families should do this just as much for themselves as for the addict. Because the bottom line with interventions is that, "If you do not go to this treatment facility TODAY that WE have set up and paid for, we are cutting you out of our lives."
That's as much for the family who is being tortured as it is for the addict. No contact with an addict is far superior than the slow death codie-dance of trying to fix someone who isn't interested.
Thing is, it's pretty hard to get an entire caring family to bail and if one person is the weak link it all falls apart. They can enable their addict right into the grave and never understand any other way.
When I was in my drinking days of my twenties I had willingly cut myself off from my super dysfunctional uncaring family. Had they tried something like this I would have laughed and walked out and gone to the bar with a big, "No." But then, people with loving caring normal-ish close families might have a different reaction.
Normal, caring families should do this just as much for themselves as for the addict. Because the bottom line with interventions is that, "If you do not go to this treatment facility TODAY that WE have set up and paid for, we are cutting you out of our lives."
That's as much for the family who is being tortured as it is for the addict. No contact with an addict is far superior than the slow death codie-dance of trying to fix someone who isn't interested.
Thing is, it's pretty hard to get an entire caring family to bail and if one person is the weak link it all falls apart. They can enable their addict right into the grave and never understand any other way.
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Similar experience to Hawkeye.
In a nutshell, it was up to my mom, to me, to any one of us to quit. Takes what it takes.
"Same page" is a great concept and can happen - but IME and observation, everyone in a fam/group has a different way of getting to understanding best that they can or are willing (more importantly) and seeking a same page can be as bad a cycle as living with a drunk.
In a nutshell, it was up to my mom, to me, to any one of us to quit. Takes what it takes.
"Same page" is a great concept and can happen - but IME and observation, everyone in a fam/group has a different way of getting to understanding best that they can or are willing (more importantly) and seeking a same page can be as bad a cycle as living with a drunk.
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With the exception of 1 time, always backfired in my experience... with those addicts I loved. The alcoholic always came back to drink, if they even left in the first place. And in some fashion it’s very much... “you are wrong, I am right” guilted finger pointing... even if emotional and meant to be caring (not saying letters, in the right environment don’t help).
The one case when it worked... my family member was addicted to cocaine and alcohol... and he was ALREADY at the tipping point emotionally to reach for help. He was ready, if that makes sense. He was about to loose both his business and only child... so the intervention was more like a loving gathering to help him pack. We read letters, he thanked us and went to rehab. But let me add... he had the money (sorry to say how expensive these places are) and we had the facility and support immediately lined up. That’s RARE! He paid for it himself and has been sober now for over 20 years.
I wanted to add, they weren’t “interventions” but I have read letters/journal entries of mine when I found appropriate times. That’s only if/when the alcoholic in my life was in an open minded place and had asked me for input on how their drinking affected me.
Anyhow I’m really trying in my life, now to understand and accept my OWN piece of the puzzle instead of shifting blame regardless of how much chaos the alcoholic came to the table with. It’s not easy. But (as we always say) only the alcoholic can decide when to say, I’m ready. First and foremost.
The one case when it worked... my family member was addicted to cocaine and alcohol... and he was ALREADY at the tipping point emotionally to reach for help. He was ready, if that makes sense. He was about to loose both his business and only child... so the intervention was more like a loving gathering to help him pack. We read letters, he thanked us and went to rehab. But let me add... he had the money (sorry to say how expensive these places are) and we had the facility and support immediately lined up. That’s RARE! He paid for it himself and has been sober now for over 20 years.
I wanted to add, they weren’t “interventions” but I have read letters/journal entries of mine when I found appropriate times. That’s only if/when the alcoholic in my life was in an open minded place and had asked me for input on how their drinking affected me.
Anyhow I’m really trying in my life, now to understand and accept my OWN piece of the puzzle instead of shifting blame regardless of how much chaos the alcoholic came to the table with. It’s not easy. But (as we always say) only the alcoholic can decide when to say, I’m ready. First and foremost.
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Interventions are not a magic cure all. They are a step in the right direction. Also interventions are not strictly about helping only the central figure of the intervention, but everyone involved as well.
Interventions can help to educate everyone involved about damaging behavior (their own as well as the central figure's). Interventions help in identifying those behaviors and the resultant fallout from them. Interventions make participants aware of available resources to aid them individually in changing damaging behaviors.
In the end, it is up to each individual involved, what they come away with.
Interventions can help to educate everyone involved about damaging behavior (their own as well as the central figure's). Interventions help in identifying those behaviors and the resultant fallout from them. Interventions make participants aware of available resources to aid them individually in changing damaging behaviors.
In the end, it is up to each individual involved, what they come away with.
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here is a good link to interventions
https://www.alcohol.org/intervention/
https://www.alcohol.org/intervention/
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Yep, my experience has been that at least the intervention allowed the rest of the family to openly talk about the elephant in the room. Addiction thrives in secrecy, and active addicts don't like it when family members talk about how their addiction affects them.
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Originally Posted by Seren 
Yep, my experience has been that at least the intervention allowed the rest of the family to openly talk about the elephant in the room. Addiction thrives in secrecy, and active addicts don't like it when family members talk about how their addiction affects them.
He's 21 and his parents (my husband and his ex) told him he had 30 days to decide on what to do, and move out of her house. We all (4) worked on and thru his options. He decided on the sl house.
He was angry. "we were taking everything from him"
He was compliant. "i'll definitely do what I need to there"
He was...
we'll see. He's sober and indeed following rules, but he is still in a cycle of losing a job about every 2-3 mo (so on his second), not managing the basics of money, and incredibly immature.
What will happen? Dunno. I gotta keep working on my own boundaries around MY program and the issues he brings up w my experience...and take care of me. He's got about 6 mo of the college fund we are letting him borrow against to support himself in treatment.
That's prob the most valuable lesson anyone else in the fam can (re)learn when we have a loved one needing help.
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A family may indeed need to vent/talk,
— but the addict may not choose to listen even if nodding his/her head. Sure, there’s always exceptions but sadly there’s a lot of false hope involved.
Folks watch all the intervention TV shows and completely miss the mark. Best if you can speak with a trained professional before proceeding.
I’ve experienced well over 10 highly charged, emotional interventions in my life. They were rough on everyone. So many addicts I’ve been around... with the exception of children/young addicts so perhaps there’s more hope there?
But make sure you research the extraordinary expense of rehab facilities... getting them to detox in a hospital is one thing but “convincing”... then paying for 30...90+ days can break the bank. Not to mention many facilities are booked/only have certain dates open (that was a huge frustration!) Moving them quickly is also key or they usually change their mind mostly because cravings kick in.
Of course, these are just my opinions and any positive examples are great! For me, watching even 1 successful intervention/rehab experience from my past was a positive in their life and mine.
— but the addict may not choose to listen even if nodding his/her head. Sure, there’s always exceptions but sadly there’s a lot of false hope involved.
Folks watch all the intervention TV shows and completely miss the mark. Best if you can speak with a trained professional before proceeding.
I’ve experienced well over 10 highly charged, emotional interventions in my life. They were rough on everyone. So many addicts I’ve been around... with the exception of children/young addicts so perhaps there’s more hope there?
But make sure you research the extraordinary expense of rehab facilities... getting them to detox in a hospital is one thing but “convincing”... then paying for 30...90+ days can break the bank. Not to mention many facilities are booked/only have certain dates open (that was a huge frustration!) Moving them quickly is also key or they usually change their mind mostly because cravings kick in.
Of course, these are just my opinions and any positive examples are great! For me, watching even 1 successful intervention/rehab experience from my past was a positive in their life and mine.
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