RedheadJen

I've been sober 6 days now and I'm having a really hard time with it. During the day I'm great! I'm proud of myself for waking up with no hangovers and proud that I made it yet another day. Come about 3:00 in the afternoon, my demeanor just, changes. I get, admittedly, like a 3 year old that doesn't get his own way. I just get quiet, sullen and mopey. I look miserable, I feel miserable and I would do anything at that point for a drink. My poor husband, we were laying in bed last night and I told him it would get better and he just says "I hope so...." He really is putting up with alot with me right now, on top of having a heart condition like I've mentioned in another post.

I don't remember (everything is foggy lately) whether it was a post of mine or somebody else's, but somebody commented that you have to focus more on recovery than the desire to drink, which totally makes sense.....I just dont know how to do that. Can someone elaborate on that for me? I dont do AA meetings for personal reasons but if I could just try to retrain my brain's way of thinking. I do try, I try to think of all the positives, etc but it goes a little deeper than that. I'd appreciate any thoughts or insight. You guys are truly my rock right now.

Surrendered19

They don't call it "happy hour" for nothing Jen. The booze industry knows when we want a drink. That pesky craving window is tough at first but will continue to shrink. A proactive suggestion - write down the time that you first start to feel the way that leads you to want a drink. Then write down the time that the feeling lifts and that you know you will not drink that night. My window at first was like 3-7 or 8, but as I built up sober time, that window began to get shorter each day. Then, each day, write down an agenda for every moment of your window. Keep busy and keep making decisions and keep moving. Walk, cook, read, play Call of Duty, whatever you want. Just make sure you stay busy. I think you will see those feelings and that craving window begin to shrink.

nez

Be a kind and loving parent to that 3 year old. Point that child in the proper direction by your actions. Show the child the way out.

fishkiller

I am only a couple days ahead of you so not an expert by far. I do notice my mood changes as the day goes on sometimes.
I just attribute it to my AV trying to trick me.

As far as how to deal with it, I focus on the reasons I want to be sober. The reasons drinking isn't fun anymore. etc.
Basically anything that makes drinking unappealing.

Cityboy

That stretch of days 5 through 7 was the greatest period of readjustment for me. Wife and kid were gone which may have been for the best. Have had thoughts of stopping for beer on the way home each day which pass quickly. Many major hurdles yet to come.

RecklessDrunk

You have to play the tape foward. When I think about a drink the tape tends to get stuck right in a loop. From the determination to drink to those first few beers. Instead of playing through to the next round of restless, irritable, discontent. Now drunk, now drinking more, now craving more, now either too miserable and lazy and stupid to do anything. Maybe worse, maybe now hell bent on crack cocaine and heroin i will drive drunk to a very dangerous place. Maybe i will just think about how unhappy my life is and destroy my own property, maybe I'll send some stupid texts. Then the headache and the anxiety attack in the morning. I manage to skip all that and just loop back from the first few drinks back to the decision to drink that initially bought relief.

It's like if we're looking at football tape and I'm a WR. I made a terrific catch and turned the ball up field. Made a guy miss and got extra yardage, but then I was hit from hit behind, lost the football, the other team recovered, ran out the clock and we lost. Yet I love to go back and play the tape of that catch, in my head I can relive that great catch and it's going to end differently this time.

Just keep hitting the ff button to where the defender knocked the ball out, the crowd booed, and you let your teammates down. That catch was not the end result, that will not be the next result, that dramatic catch doesn't last long. What follows is horrible.

We're not here because we make dramatic catches when were drinking, though maybe sometimes we do. We're here because more often than not we put footballs on the turf at critical junctures of our lives.

Cityboy

Interesting football analogy

AnvilheadII

most cravings or urges actually have a very short life - 10-15 minutes. they do not last - unless we engage in romantic notions of that "one" drink and rationalizing how that would be ok.......so we just need to effectively redirect our thoughts, energies and actions for a bit less time than it takes to bake a frozen pizza.

Just For Today is common mantra. Just For Today I will not drink, no matter what. Not for any reason at all, whatsoever. Period.

engaging in recovery activities and/or programs is very beneficial as they support the recovery model. don't limit your research and reading to just SR. learn about habits, how to break them, and how to instill healthy new replacements. be fearless. get excited about this new life and lifestyle you have CHOSEN. always remember, this is your CHOICE. own it!

August252015

Great job on 6 days! Everything you said is so normal- not easy, tho. It takes time to even out, feel more stable, get less petulant....

I'm not sure what your reasons are re AA, but I do suggest beginning recovery specific stuff of some kind. Using SR in a structured way- perhaps joining the Class of Jan 2020 thread under newcomers, with others getting sober this month.

Everything gets better sober. I promise.

Reid82

Congrats on day 6! It will take time to adjust to being sober and I know myself certain times like a Saturday afternoon (when I usually started drinking) were triggers but these faded over time.

Lucinda2

I can identify Jen! I still struggle with that some days and when I am struggling definitely take it out on my husband. I am better days that I put plans in place; 'to do' lists, book in classes such a pilates/spin, I even tried pottery for a bit. Not drinking gives us back some time so we can try on new hats and see if they fit. There is some terrific 'quit lit' out there that I found helpful too. Allen Carr was particularly good for me because it made sense of things in a way that incorporated both that addictive voice and the wider pressure that Surrender19 talks about.

Huge congratulations of day 6