Relapse Insanity
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 184
Relapse Insanity
3 weeks sober and back to the beginning. Knowing full well the monumental pain and danger it causes, I just don't know how I keep on doing it. Or is there a medical reason how we forget how awful it is? I am determine to crack this year, because I think it really is life and death.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Medical reason why you forget? Not likely. Welcome to addiction, though. There is a certain amount of damage done to the nervous system, brain, heart, and the whole body. The early days of being sober are pretty hard since every cell is screaming out to be sedated.
You do have to go through some discomfort in the early days. It's just reality. More anxiety, more obsessive thinking, more fear, more inability to cope. It's part of early sobriety.
Worth it though.
I never knew peace when I was drinking. Not the kind of peace I have now.
You do have to go through some discomfort in the early days. It's just reality. More anxiety, more obsessive thinking, more fear, more inability to cope. It's part of early sobriety.
Worth it though.
I never knew peace when I was drinking. Not the kind of peace I have now.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I believe it's the insanity part of our disease- the classic not changing things to get a different result.
What are you willing to do that is focused on sobriety, not just not drinking, to gain a different life?
What are you willing to do that is focused on sobriety, not just not drinking, to gain a different life?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
I think there are many reasons we pick up again and some of those reasons are medical or physical. Your body is screaming for the sugar jet that alcohol provides and to get it, your body sends your systems, including your emotions, on an urgent quest. Regardless of the reasons though, external or internal, they all lead to your AV demanding alcohol in order to survive. It is how your body has learned to fuel itself in the absence of real nutrition. Hang in there PeaceManic. You are right about one thing too - this thing is progressive and it will end your life in an ugly, debased and pathetic way. We don't drink anymore PeaceManic. We want to live a calm life, awake in the mornings, and tired at bedtime, clear-headed and fit and at peace.
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 184
Originally Posted by August252015 
What are you willing to do that is focused on sobriety, not just not drinking, to gain a different life?
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by PeaceManic
I'll have to think about it when a little better. I think I just get arrogant and think I handle, but it's the same mess every time.
Well that is - indeed - the first step.
Accepting that it won't end well, that "handling it" is not in the cards any more and that the way out is complete abstinence.
We cannot drink.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Out in the Stix of Southern Indiana
Posts: 2,784
You can do this. It can be very, very hard at first and for a while. I remember wanting someone to tell me when was this going to get easier? When am I going to get it? It's different for everyone. Beware of the ups and downs, the good days and bad days. Patience is the key! Best wishes for you on your journey!
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,934
Relapse Insanity
Finally giving up and trying AA helped me to solve this puzzle.
And it wasn't really the Steps that did it for me. It was the fellowship of other people and talking face to face with them.
If you are ready to give up the relapse insanity, give AA a try.
Finally giving up and trying AA helped me to solve this puzzle.
And it wasn't really the Steps that did it for me. It was the fellowship of other people and talking face to face with them.
If you are ready to give up the relapse insanity, give AA a try.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
I ended up in hospital once with a full blown drug induced panic attack.
Couldn't breathe, pulse at 180. They hooked me to a heart monitor and I had to ride it out for 8 hours or so. Probably the most horrible experience in my life to that point, I was sure I was about to die every time one of the panics rode over me which was every 5 minutes or so.
I gave up drugs after that by simply remembering how horrible that moment was.
"Wanna drop a tab and snort some coke ?"
"Oh hell no, that screwed me up so bad once, I'm off it, no thanks"
And I never did suffer an obsession that it was going to be different next time.
So I thought that if my drinking ever got too bad, (it actually already was) I'd be able to quit drinking using the same method, with the same willpower with the same brain.
That day never arrived. No matter how bad it got, alcohol was always forgiven.
I know plenty of people who solve their drinking problems by just putting it down and not picking up another one.
But apparently my brain was not wired for that method with regards to booze. But it worked just fine with drugs.
Couldn't breathe, pulse at 180. They hooked me to a heart monitor and I had to ride it out for 8 hours or so. Probably the most horrible experience in my life to that point, I was sure I was about to die every time one of the panics rode over me which was every 5 minutes or so.
I gave up drugs after that by simply remembering how horrible that moment was.
"Wanna drop a tab and snort some coke ?"
"Oh hell no, that screwed me up so bad once, I'm off it, no thanks"
And I never did suffer an obsession that it was going to be different next time.
So I thought that if my drinking ever got too bad, (it actually already was) I'd be able to quit drinking using the same method, with the same willpower with the same brain.
That day never arrived. No matter how bad it got, alcohol was always forgiven.
I know plenty of people who solve their drinking problems by just putting it down and not picking up another one.
But apparently my brain was not wired for that method with regards to booze. But it worked just fine with drugs.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Well that is - indeed - the first step.
Accepting that it won't end well, that "handling it" is not in the cards any more and that the way out is complete abstinence.
We cannot drink.
Accepting that it won't end well, that "handling it" is not in the cards any more and that the way out is complete abstinence.
We cannot drink.
Originally Posted by Steely
We can drink. But we choose not to.
I am not willing to suffer the consequences of a drink. If I don't want the consequences, I can't drink the drink.
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
I think arrogance is a pretty good description of my relapses as well. And wanting to have my cake and eat it too has been a real issue with drinking. As soon as I start to feel better i delude myself with thoughts of moderation. Even when i was successful at moderating it was still hell because i was yearning for alcohol between drinks. What kind of life it that?
I just made it past the 3 week mark and still going strong. Our minds and bodies are used to sedation like another poster said so it will take a lot of time to reverse that. I would not have gotten this far without replacements and reading on SR EVERY day. By being here i'm replacing my thoughts of having a drink with thoughts of how damaging it is. It's happening right here right now as I write this. You can do it!!
I just made it past the 3 week mark and still going strong. Our minds and bodies are used to sedation like another poster said so it will take a lot of time to reverse that. I would not have gotten this far without replacements and reading on SR EVERY day. By being here i'm replacing my thoughts of having a drink with thoughts of how damaging it is. It's happening right here right now as I write this. You can do it!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hello,
I’m glad you came back and are looking to get sober for good. I found when I started focusing on recovery vs. not drinking things started to change. I approached recovery with the desire to be physically and emotionally healthy and the first thing that needed to happen to make that work was to take alcohol off the table completely.
I found alternate ways to deal with daily stress. Mindfulness has been a big one for me. I work really hard to remain in the present, it is the only thing I have control over. I also walk outdoors daily, the combination of nature and exercise helps clear my mind of whatever the day may have brought me.
I read and post on SR daily. In early sobriety this was to support me, now with four years under my belt I hope to be able to support others on their journey.
If you enjoy reading I found reading recovery books very helpful. I saw a piece of me in each person’s story and learned a little something from each of them.
You can do this, it is simple, but not easy. You need to make that commitment to work through those earl days, whatever it takes.
I’m glad you came back and are looking to get sober for good. I found when I started focusing on recovery vs. not drinking things started to change. I approached recovery with the desire to be physically and emotionally healthy and the first thing that needed to happen to make that work was to take alcohol off the table completely.
I found alternate ways to deal with daily stress. Mindfulness has been a big one for me. I work really hard to remain in the present, it is the only thing I have control over. I also walk outdoors daily, the combination of nature and exercise helps clear my mind of whatever the day may have brought me.
I read and post on SR daily. In early sobriety this was to support me, now with four years under my belt I hope to be able to support others on their journey.
If you enjoy reading I found reading recovery books very helpful. I saw a piece of me in each person’s story and learned a little something from each of them.
You can do this, it is simple, but not easy. You need to make that commitment to work through those earl days, whatever it takes.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
In a nutshell we built a tolerance for booze and our body needs it now to be normal or better if that makes sense. Thing is you have to kill it starve it. And the only solution to that is stop feeding it. Your body and mind are going to buck thats normal. Stay strong and dont feed it. And things Will mellow out. It sucks at first . one day at a time .
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I think every one of us at one time or another willingly bought into the illusion that this time would be different.
It never was.
Like someone said upthread - accepting that is fundamental to not drinking again and finding lasting recovery.
Have you given any thought to what you might do differently this time PM? What have you been doing to stay sober?
D
It never was.
Like someone said upthread - accepting that is fundamental to not drinking again and finding lasting recovery.
Have you given any thought to what you might do differently this time PM? What have you been doing to stay sober?
D
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