No caller ID
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 395
No caller ID
UGH! Need to VENT! So angry.
I resigned from my current job (yes!) and today was my last day. I’ve partially started a new business (double yes!) so I randomly answered a “no caller ID” call tonight. SURPRISE... it was my ex girlfriend.
Hearing her voice, after nearly a year of no contact didn’t feel good. In fact it felt like a dagger was stabbing me. I wasn’t happy she called. I was angry.
I almost can’t even describe the way I’m feeling. You know? A tornado of mixed emotions.
She was begging me to meet her for coffee. I told her that I don’t think that’s possible. I listened mostly. Same story, same plea... “but we had something special” etc etc. Was on the phone maybe 10 minutes — and I then said (kindly but firmly) I had to go and hung up.
I guess I’m proud of myself for not caving in. She felt the same to me... does that make sense? When all their words are exactly the same as a million times before.
The only difference this time were MY words (and most importantly, my actions)... that I couldn’t meet her.
But tonight I remembered a dream that I always used to have. That me and her were climbing a mountain.
She slips on a rock... and begins to fall. I keep trying to grab her. I’m screaming her name, with tears rolling down my eyes — but she can’t see or hear what I’m saying. She just keeps slipping away, out of my grasp. All I remember is watching her hand slip from mine.
Believe me, I know 100% that I can’t save her. And I’m so proud of all the work I’ve put into healing and forgiving. But sh*t... nothing I hate more than addiction. It’s the ultimate feeling of helplessness.
Anyway, thanks for listening. I feel like a changed man tonight. I’m angry she finally found a trick way to call me but I’m thankful I held it together.
I still feel nauseous.
I resigned from my current job (yes!) and today was my last day. I’ve partially started a new business (double yes!) so I randomly answered a “no caller ID” call tonight. SURPRISE... it was my ex girlfriend.
Hearing her voice, after nearly a year of no contact didn’t feel good. In fact it felt like a dagger was stabbing me. I wasn’t happy she called. I was angry.
I almost can’t even describe the way I’m feeling. You know? A tornado of mixed emotions.
She was begging me to meet her for coffee. I told her that I don’t think that’s possible. I listened mostly. Same story, same plea... “but we had something special” etc etc. Was on the phone maybe 10 minutes — and I then said (kindly but firmly) I had to go and hung up.
I guess I’m proud of myself for not caving in. She felt the same to me... does that make sense? When all their words are exactly the same as a million times before.
The only difference this time were MY words (and most importantly, my actions)... that I couldn’t meet her.
But tonight I remembered a dream that I always used to have. That me and her were climbing a mountain.
She slips on a rock... and begins to fall. I keep trying to grab her. I’m screaming her name, with tears rolling down my eyes — but she can’t see or hear what I’m saying. She just keeps slipping away, out of my grasp. All I remember is watching her hand slip from mine.
Believe me, I know 100% that I can’t save her. And I’m so proud of all the work I’ve put into healing and forgiving. But sh*t... nothing I hate more than addiction. It’s the ultimate feeling of helplessness.
Anyway, thanks for listening. I feel like a changed man tonight. I’m angry she finally found a trick way to call me but I’m thankful I held it together.
I still feel nauseous.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Wow.
Youvecome a LONG way, man!
She has not. And that has nothing to do with you.
You deserve a giant exhale, a dang good cup of coffee or your beverage of choice, some excellent chocolate and big hugs.
Youvecome a LONG way, man!
She has not. And that has nothing to do with you.
You deserve a giant exhale, a dang good cup of coffee or your beverage of choice, some excellent chocolate and big hugs.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Wow you showed amazing strength. ((((((NYC)))))). I hope you feel proud of yourself when your heartbeat returns to normal. Congratulations on the new business and Good Luck!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
LifeChange…...Good for you!
I can imagine how scared and angry you must have felt.....after all, anger is usually not the primary emotion...it is usually a buffer emotion to the underlying fear. Of course you would be fearful (down deep) because the combination of her condition and your co-dependency almost killed you!!
Now, you have had a chance to test how much stronger you have become...and you got to experience your new strength. Kind of like the young pilot taking their very first solo flight.
I think that this will just add one more layer to your self confidence and gave you an opportunity to observe yourself having mastery over your own destiny...…..this is how self esteem is built!
If it ever happens again, you will know to end the phone call in fifteen seconds...and, not a full 10 minutes. lol...you just need to touch the hot burner for a second to know it is too hot...you don't really need to hold your hand on it for several minutes......
I can imagine how scared and angry you must have felt.....after all, anger is usually not the primary emotion...it is usually a buffer emotion to the underlying fear. Of course you would be fearful (down deep) because the combination of her condition and your co-dependency almost killed you!!
Now, you have had a chance to test how much stronger you have become...and you got to experience your new strength. Kind of like the young pilot taking their very first solo flight.
I think that this will just add one more layer to your self confidence and gave you an opportunity to observe yourself having mastery over your own destiny...…..this is how self esteem is built!
If it ever happens again, you will know to end the phone call in fifteen seconds...and, not a full 10 minutes. lol...you just need to touch the hot burner for a second to know it is too hot...you don't really need to hold your hand on it for several minutes......
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 47
Life change,
Being taken off guard like that and you didn't waiver. I remember how shaken I was after bumping into my EXAH in town and how much I tried to protect myself by avoiding where I might see him. You heard that she is the same and hung up.
I am cheering for you!You are so much stronger now.
Being taken off guard like that and you didn't waiver. I remember how shaken I was after bumping into my EXAH in town and how much I tried to protect myself by avoiding where I might see him. You heard that she is the same and hung up.
I am cheering for you!You are so much stronger now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 395
Wish I could say that anger and then, relief I felt after her call remained. It didn’t... sadly. In fact, I feel exactly how I felt months and months ago. I’m depressed, I miss her, I’m obsessing, I’m second guessing my decision of ever leaving her. I’m in total shock that I became that unraveled hearing her voice. I went on a date last night and all I wanted to see on the other side, staring back at me... my ex GF.
Even though I never could have predicted her call, this is clearly an excellent example why NC helps heal more than anything else.
UGH! I feel I’ll never get over this girl. And to think that I’m even second guessing leaving her is making me crazy. Props to all who actually run into their ex’s in person... and continue moving on... I’d seriously have to lock myself up.
Even though I never could have predicted her call, this is clearly an excellent example why NC helps heal more than anything else.
UGH! I feel I’ll never get over this girl. And to think that I’m even second guessing leaving her is making me crazy. Props to all who actually run into their ex’s in person... and continue moving on... I’d seriously have to lock myself up.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,634
First of all, congratulations on your new business!
Well that was sneaky of her wasn't it. Vengeance isn't good.
You handled that really well, as you know. Your boundaries are strong and you should really take a moment to congratulate yourself on that too.
When I think of all you have been through NYC - but look at you now, coming through all this. You really are a strong person and your future looks bright.
I hope you are feeling good and happy too!
Well that was sneaky of her wasn't it. Vengeance isn't good.
You handled that really well, as you know. Your boundaries are strong and you should really take a moment to congratulate yourself on that too.
When I think of all you have been through NYC - but look at you now, coming through all this. You really are a strong person and your future looks bright.
I hope you are feeling good and happy too!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 395
Trailmix- thanks for your thoughtful words. But I’m not doing so well... feeling down about the whole experience. I did handle it well, for me... I stuck to my boundaries, didn’t agree to meet her... was firm but kind.
Yet hearing her voice tore my heart right back open again. I’m honestly replaying everything she said... everything I said... over and over again. I’m so frustrated that I miss her. I don’t understand why!? I’m beating myself up about it... after nearly a year of healing, NC and positive steps.
Yet hearing her voice tore my heart right back open again. I’m honestly replaying everything she said... everything I said... over and over again. I’m so frustrated that I miss her. I don’t understand why!? I’m beating myself up about it... after nearly a year of healing, NC and positive steps.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
A big part of what you’re experiencing is no doubt biochemical. She blindsided you and your body dumped a huge jolt of adrenaline and cortisol into your bloodstream.
Then all the dormant neuroreceptors that associate her voice with both pleasure and pain woke up.
So you basically have a toxin exposure hangover and the byproduct of most hangovers is anxiety and regret.
Be gentle with yourself. Eat well, lots of water, exercise outside if you can. You should be feeling grounded again soon.
Then all the dormant neuroreceptors that associate her voice with both pleasure and pain woke up.
So you basically have a toxin exposure hangover and the byproduct of most hangovers is anxiety and regret.
Be gentle with yourself. Eat well, lots of water, exercise outside if you can. You should be feeling grounded again soon.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
You’re so very welcome. Science is our friend!
Sometimes we need a reminder of just how horrible something made us feel to help us move on for good. On some level, I would expect this feels much like days you had a lot of during this toxic relationship, yes?
You’re going to be okay. Big hug.
Sometimes we need a reminder of just how horrible something made us feel to help us move on for good. On some level, I would expect this feels much like days you had a lot of during this toxic relationship, yes?
You’re going to be okay. Big hug.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 395
It indeed feels overwhelming. Overwhelming in every aspect... sadness, pain, and also mixed with love/forgiveness. I know I’m not seeing things clearly. But yeah I remember feeling this way for years. I don’t know how to get back on the right path.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
You will get back on the path. You need to trust yourself, yes?
Your mind and body will process this assault (and it really is one, as far as your biochemistry is concerned) and you will stabilize. It was spectacularly bad timing as there has to be a bunch of anxiety already about leaving your job and starting a business.
Something I learned here that I use sometimes as a kind of mantra, “feelings are not facts.” They also are temporary.
Have you tried meditation at all? It was recommended to me by my physical therapist after I got injured and developed chronic pain and it really does help reduce my anxiety. I use Headspace because I really like the guy’s voice but there are lots of online options out there.
You are going to get past this.
Your mind and body will process this assault (and it really is one, as far as your biochemistry is concerned) and you will stabilize. It was spectacularly bad timing as there has to be a bunch of anxiety already about leaving your job and starting a business.
Something I learned here that I use sometimes as a kind of mantra, “feelings are not facts.” They also are temporary.
Have you tried meditation at all? It was recommended to me by my physical therapist after I got injured and developed chronic pain and it really does help reduce my anxiety. I use Headspace because I really like the guy’s voice but there are lots of online options out there.
You are going to get past this.
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