Boundaries while separated
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Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 316
Boundaries while separated
So far this separation feels more like I am on vacation then us being separated. He calls me at least a couple of times a day just to say hi and see how my day is. The kids also call him from my phone once a day.
I am really struggling about how to set boundaries here. I told him several days ago that this was a separation and that we needed to stop talking so much and that we should just text and only voice call with the kids. He said OK and then continued on just calling me like normal.
On my end I am still obsessing about what he is doing, is he drinking, is he OK, how is he feeling, is he looking into stopping drinking, he talks to me about the books he is reading about stopping drinking. We act like everything is normal other than we are geographically separated. This is not working for me mentally right now.
I called him tonight and he did not answer. I proceeded to call him two more times and text him because I know he is home. I finally get him on the phone and of course I can tell he has been drinking tonight. I know many other nights he has not drank, but I can tell tonight he is drinking. He finally calls me and asks me if I am checking up on him, says he has had something to drink but that he is not “drinking “ whatever that means. When I asked him if he had been drinking he got onto me for checking up on him and that he cannot believe I would set him up like that, waiting for him to lie to me.
I went to an Al-Anon meeting tonight, it was really great. I really like the people there and feel like we can relate. I was speaking with them after the class today trying to figure out how to set my boundaries properly. In an ideal world I would fast forward six months from now and ask him how things are going then and not talk to him in between. It is so confusing to act like everything is normal during the day and then maybe on eggshells and stressing at night. It is just like I am there, except I am not.
I feel terrible telling him I do not want to talk to him, it feels so wrong to tell your spouse not to call and not to check in and not to see how things are going with them.
I was feeling pretty good about everything until I talked to him tonight. Like things were going I be okay. Now I am just feeling like crap.
The bottom line is that if he is not working a program and working on recovery then he is not taking steps in the right direction and I guess that is all I need to know. I wish I could see into the future.
I know I know, I am still so freaking focused on him and not myself. It makes me so mad at myself. Right now I’m feeling like I wish I could just move on with my life already. He’s making his choice. And I’m the only one who is upset about it.
Disclaimer this was all written with talk to text feature on my phone. Hopefully it makes sense.
I am really struggling about how to set boundaries here. I told him several days ago that this was a separation and that we needed to stop talking so much and that we should just text and only voice call with the kids. He said OK and then continued on just calling me like normal.
On my end I am still obsessing about what he is doing, is he drinking, is he OK, how is he feeling, is he looking into stopping drinking, he talks to me about the books he is reading about stopping drinking. We act like everything is normal other than we are geographically separated. This is not working for me mentally right now.
I called him tonight and he did not answer. I proceeded to call him two more times and text him because I know he is home. I finally get him on the phone and of course I can tell he has been drinking tonight. I know many other nights he has not drank, but I can tell tonight he is drinking. He finally calls me and asks me if I am checking up on him, says he has had something to drink but that he is not “drinking “ whatever that means. When I asked him if he had been drinking he got onto me for checking up on him and that he cannot believe I would set him up like that, waiting for him to lie to me.
I went to an Al-Anon meeting tonight, it was really great. I really like the people there and feel like we can relate. I was speaking with them after the class today trying to figure out how to set my boundaries properly. In an ideal world I would fast forward six months from now and ask him how things are going then and not talk to him in between. It is so confusing to act like everything is normal during the day and then maybe on eggshells and stressing at night. It is just like I am there, except I am not.
I feel terrible telling him I do not want to talk to him, it feels so wrong to tell your spouse not to call and not to check in and not to see how things are going with them.
I was feeling pretty good about everything until I talked to him tonight. Like things were going I be okay. Now I am just feeling like crap.
The bottom line is that if he is not working a program and working on recovery then he is not taking steps in the right direction and I guess that is all I need to know. I wish I could see into the future.
I know I know, I am still so freaking focused on him and not myself. It makes me so mad at myself. Right now I’m feeling like I wish I could just move on with my life already. He’s making his choice. And I’m the only one who is upset about it.
Disclaimer this was all written with talk to text feature on my phone. Hopefully it makes sense.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
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It doesn't sound like there is much separate about your separation right now, right?
If your boundary is going to be about how many times a day or week you are talking to each other, it is going to be up to you -- not HIM -- to uphold that boundary, If he calls, separate from pre-arranged times to speak with the kids, you do not have to answer. If he changes the subject to what books he is reading, you do not have to stay on the phone. If you call him, and he doesn't answer, you have the option of going on with your life and not putting it on hold until you get a response from him. He has the right not to answer the phone, for any reason, and you do, too.
I think you need to be very honest with yourself about what you are hoping will happen with this separation, and very realistic about the odds of him "seeing the light" because you moved to a different house. You cannot control what he chooses to do with his evening or his life. And being that you cannot fast forward six months, you are going to have to find a way to deal with the reality of the here and now, which is that he continues to talk about not-drinking but drinking all the while. What he does is what you can count on, not what he says. What he does is who he is right now. What he says is who he wants to be--who he wants you to believe he is. But isn't.
I know this comes across as cold, FWN, but I have been in that place of so desperately wanting things to be different that I have thought it more feasible to will that reality into existence than to deal with the one in front of me, and it only brought me more heartache, anxiety, and pain.
If your boundary is going to be about how many times a day or week you are talking to each other, it is going to be up to you -- not HIM -- to uphold that boundary, If he calls, separate from pre-arranged times to speak with the kids, you do not have to answer. If he changes the subject to what books he is reading, you do not have to stay on the phone. If you call him, and he doesn't answer, you have the option of going on with your life and not putting it on hold until you get a response from him. He has the right not to answer the phone, for any reason, and you do, too.
I think you need to be very honest with yourself about what you are hoping will happen with this separation, and very realistic about the odds of him "seeing the light" because you moved to a different house. You cannot control what he chooses to do with his evening or his life. And being that you cannot fast forward six months, you are going to have to find a way to deal with the reality of the here and now, which is that he continues to talk about not-drinking but drinking all the while. What he does is what you can count on, not what he says. What he does is who he is right now. What he says is who he wants to be--who he wants you to believe he is. But isn't.
I know this comes across as cold, FWN, but I have been in that place of so desperately wanting things to be different that I have thought it more feasible to will that reality into existence than to deal with the one in front of me, and it only brought me more heartache, anxiety, and pain.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
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the talk to text worked awesome!
so is it possible that you are still tied to the notion that you moving out and calling the separation card was SUPPOSED to make him straighten up and fly right? that you had/have expectations on how HE would act? and since he is still drinking, you feel stuck with "now what"?
notice that you started out by talking about him calling you too much, too many times, and you wanting boundaries. but what happened the second HE didn't answer?
I called him tonight and he did not answer. I proceeded to call him two more times and text him because I know he is home. I finally get him on the phone and of course I can tell he has been drinking tonight. I know many other nights he has not drank, but I can tell tonight he is drinking. He finally calls me and asks me if I am checking up on him,
if you want to limit contact, it goes both ways. he is still drinking. he has not changed. nor does it appear he has any intention of doing so. i know that is hard to accept. very hard. and sad. but it's also why you are not IN the home with him. time to wash off the toxicity, day by day, and focus on where you are NOW, and those around you. hit as many alanon meetings as you can. read the literature. immerse yourself in your OWN recovery.
so is it possible that you are still tied to the notion that you moving out and calling the separation card was SUPPOSED to make him straighten up and fly right? that you had/have expectations on how HE would act? and since he is still drinking, you feel stuck with "now what"?
notice that you started out by talking about him calling you too much, too many times, and you wanting boundaries. but what happened the second HE didn't answer?
I called him tonight and he did not answer. I proceeded to call him two more times and text him because I know he is home. I finally get him on the phone and of course I can tell he has been drinking tonight. I know many other nights he has not drank, but I can tell tonight he is drinking. He finally calls me and asks me if I am checking up on him,
if you want to limit contact, it goes both ways. he is still drinking. he has not changed. nor does it appear he has any intention of doing so. i know that is hard to accept. very hard. and sad. but it's also why you are not IN the home with him. time to wash off the toxicity, day by day, and focus on where you are NOW, and those around you. hit as many alanon meetings as you can. read the literature. immerse yourself in your OWN recovery.
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 356
Sound like he still hasn’t made a commitment to actually take action to become sober. It has been a month hasn’t it since he told you he would quit drinking and seek help? I think you got your answer as far as how much he really wants to quit. He is just pretending that everything is fine and that you are on vacation. If I were you, since this is affecting your mental health, I would set a time once a week to talk to him. It allows you to not obsess over if he is drinking or not (clearly he is) and it will force him to focus on himself, whether that is getting serious about getting clean or drinking. Either way, totally out of your control. When me ex was in rehab phone calls were very stressful and I quit talking to him. If I needed to communicate it was via text or email. I think you will find that it will allow you to clear your head better. He is still being manipulative with the conversations he is having. The only way to get away from that is to really limit contact. And if you talk to him and he has been drinking, tell him good bye and hang up. If the kids want to talk to him more often let them but you don’t need to talk to him. Although I would be tempted to keep those phone calls limited as well. Do once week, you talk to him first, if he is drunk tell him sorry you can’t talk to your kids because you are drunk. If he is sober continue the convo. I know it may seem cold and cruel but he has brought this on himself, so you don’t need to feel sorry for him, you need to do what is good for you and quit worrying about him (easier said than done I know ). This is only a physical separation right now but mentally it really isn’t and I think that is what you really need more than anything. He knows what he ends to do and he is not doing it so far.Reading books about not drinking? Not very helpful although I’m sure he thinks it is a start. Even if he were in rehab right now you do t need to know what he is doing in rehab every minute he should be focusing on himself. Don’t feel bad to really limit contact, he probably thinks that if you guys are in touch every day that everything is just fine. And only have him text you if it is something important, not just for small talk.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 316
My feeling right now is that if he’s not going to choose to get REAL help and this is just going to drag on for 6 months and make me miserable I may as well file for divorce. Put myself out of this misery. Hopefully I read back over this in the morning and remind myself how I’m feeling right now. More of the f*cking same. I suffer while he’s happy drinking. While he continues to text me saying if I was there he wouldn’t be drinking and that I shouldn’t have left (lie). That I have a “duplicitous personality”. That somehow he is hurt by all of this and now he “knows how it feels to he lied to” because I’m checking up on him but won’t admit it. What the actual F. All I keep thinking is HOW IS THIS MY LIFE.
I should have requested a sponsor tonight. I will next week.
I should have requested a sponsor tonight. I will next week.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 316
Originally Posted by Sleepyhollo 
Sound like he still hasn’t made a commitment to actually take action to become sober. It has been a month hasn’t it since he told you he would quit drinking and seek help? I think you got your answer as far as how much he really wants to quit. He is just pretending that everything is fine and that you are on vacation. If I were you, since this is affecting your mental health, I would set a time once a week to talk to him. It allows you to not obsess over if he is drinking or not (clearly he is) and it will force him to focus on himself, whether that is getting serious about getting clean or drinking. Either way, totally out of your control. When me ex was in rehab phone calls were very stressful and I quit talking to him. If I needed to communicate it was via text or email. I think you will find that it will allow you to clear your head better. He is still being manipulative with the conversations he is having. The only way to get away from that is to really limit contact. And if you talk to him and he has been drinking, tell him good bye and hang up. If the kids want to talk to him more often let them but you don’t need to talk to him. Although I would be tempted to keep those phone calls limited as well. Do once week, you talk to him first, if he is drunk tell him sorry you can’t talk to your kids because you are drunk. If he is sober continue the convo. I know it may seem cold and cruel but he has brought this on himself, so you don’t need to feel sorry for him, you need to do what is good for you and quit worrying about him (easier said than done I know ). This is only a physical separation right now but mentally it really isn’t and I think that is what you really need more than anything. He knows what he ends to do and he is not doing it so far.Reading books about not drinking? Not very helpful although I’m sure he thinks it is a start. Even if he were in rehab right now you do t need to know what he is doing in rehab every minute he should be focusing on himself. Don’t feel bad to really limit contact, he probably thinks that if you guys are in touch every day that everything is just fine. And only have him text you if it is something important, not just for small talk.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
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The only concern I have is that bit about potentially ending the call “because you’re drunk.”
Most often, mine were never “drunk.” Drinking, yes, I had a drink yes, blablabla but DRUNK??? “Never!!!!
You’ll be back in the same old argument where you’re his booze police and he’s the innocent victim, just like when you were living there.
As time goes on, the separation may start to seem more real for both of you, but in the meantime, maybe set up three times a week when the kids can Skype with him for fifteen minutes? You text/email only when needed about the children. Maybe stay away from the topic of alcohol altogether...it’s been discussed to death, yes?
You don’t have to respond to texts. You don’t have to pick up the calls...he can leave a message.
You need space and apparently it’s going to be up to you to make sure you get it, yes?
Most often, mine were never “drunk.” Drinking, yes, I had a drink yes, blablabla but DRUNK??? “Never!!!!
You’ll be back in the same old argument where you’re his booze police and he’s the innocent victim, just like when you were living there.
As time goes on, the separation may start to seem more real for both of you, but in the meantime, maybe set up three times a week when the kids can Skype with him for fifteen minutes? You text/email only when needed about the children. Maybe stay away from the topic of alcohol altogether...it’s been discussed to death, yes?
You don’t have to respond to texts. You don’t have to pick up the calls...he can leave a message.
You need space and apparently it’s going to be up to you to make sure you get it, yes?
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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Originally Posted by FWN
More of the f*cking same.
He's still in denial, making some kind of very teeny effort to appear as though he is "doing something" by saying he is reading about stopping drinking - if he even is.
I was feeling pretty good about everything until I talked to him tonight. Like things were going I be okay. Now I am just feeling like crap.
You mention it seems mean to not speak to him, how is this all playing out (again and again) not mean to you? You say something, he promises something and doesn't deliver and you are left feeling like "crap". Over and over.
He drinks, doesn't bother to answer the phone then answers and is all defensive like YOU did something wrong.
Unless there is some magic lightbulb that goes on for him I really hope you lower your expectations here. Nothing has changed and unless you lower your expectations you will get hurt over and over.
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Join Date: Apr 2008
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I agree with everything ariesagain said. The whole purpose of this separation was for you to get away from the day-to-day exposure to him, and to give you time to gain some clarity. You can't do that if you are talking to him two or three times a day. Again, as aries said...set up times for the kids to talk to him so none of them feel deprived, but you really don't need to be talking to him much at all, unless it is necessary involving the children.
Give yourself a break, FWN, in more ways than one. Hugs.
Give yourself a break, FWN, in more ways than one. Hugs.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
FWN......I just want to underline, what, basically, all of the other posters are saying...….
Boundaries are for your protection....and, it is your responsibility to enforce those boundaries.....You establish them and your enforce them.
You have gotten some good suggestions, here, about how to specifically do that. So...make the boundaries that YOU feel protects YOU....(not rules for him to follow".....
***No need to ask him if he is drinking, again. You KNEW that he was drinking---and you asked him, any way. Do you see what an exercise in futility that was? Stop asking a practicing alcoholic if they are drinking....they can't be honest with themselves....so, don't even expect them to be honest with you.
If you KNOW a person is drinking...it is not even up for debate.
***It is not "mean" to tell him that you don't want to talk to him. The best thing you can do for him is to get out of his way. Talking, everyday, like it is a long distance romance is not getting out of his way. It is allowing him to still hold on to you like a lifeline. You are not doing him any favors...AND, it is driving you krazy…..
I will go even further out o n this limb, and say.....If you feel like you must tell him that you don't want to talk to him---try being directly honest with him---tell him that you need to be separated from his alcoholism, because he is driving you krazy! (when in doubt...try the truth...lol)…..
Boundaries are for your protection....and, it is your responsibility to enforce those boundaries.....You establish them and your enforce them.
You have gotten some good suggestions, here, about how to specifically do that. So...make the boundaries that YOU feel protects YOU....(not rules for him to follow".....
***No need to ask him if he is drinking, again. You KNEW that he was drinking---and you asked him, any way. Do you see what an exercise in futility that was? Stop asking a practicing alcoholic if they are drinking....they can't be honest with themselves....so, don't even expect them to be honest with you.
If you KNOW a person is drinking...it is not even up for debate.
***It is not "mean" to tell him that you don't want to talk to him. The best thing you can do for him is to get out of his way. Talking, everyday, like it is a long distance romance is not getting out of his way. It is allowing him to still hold on to you like a lifeline. You are not doing him any favors...AND, it is driving you krazy…..
I will go even further out o n this limb, and say.....If you feel like you must tell him that you don't want to talk to him---try being directly honest with him---tell him that you need to be separated from his alcoholism, because he is driving you krazy! (when in doubt...try the truth...lol)…..
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,429
Of course you’re frustrated. Nothing’s changed but your address.
I agree about putting some strong boundaries in place and sticking to them. As you said, you are miserable and he is drinking and blaming your leaving for it.
Frankly, he just isn’t getting it at all, is he? Act accordingly.
I agree about putting some strong boundaries in place and sticking to them. As you said, you are miserable and he is drinking and blaming your leaving for it.
Frankly, he just isn’t getting it at all, is he? Act accordingly.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
Posts: 816
I agree with others that less contact is what will help you.
Every time you speak to him is another opportunity for him
to blame you, make criticisms, advance his "poor me" view of
this situation. It is the active drinkers trifecta of denial and YOU
are hurt.
Everytime you speak with him you "pick up" another round of accusations,
manipulations and lies to sift through instead of being able to clear
your head and get out of the fog. This is hurting you. For us
codependents to stop asking about, looking for, and worrying about
the alcoholic's drinking activities is OUR first step in healing. This
is our addiction that hurts us. We have to recognize how harmful
and dysfunctional this behavior is and decide to ACT differently.
You can do this FWN, I know you can. Not easy, painfully hard
at first, but it does get easier. That's why we have SR, alanon,
our higher power, education, and therapy to support this massive
change in our thinking and lives.
We all wonder how our lives came to be like this......
Every time you speak to him is another opportunity for him
to blame you, make criticisms, advance his "poor me" view of
this situation. It is the active drinkers trifecta of denial and YOU
are hurt.
Everytime you speak with him you "pick up" another round of accusations,
manipulations and lies to sift through instead of being able to clear
your head and get out of the fog. This is hurting you. For us
codependents to stop asking about, looking for, and worrying about
the alcoholic's drinking activities is OUR first step in healing. This
is our addiction that hurts us. We have to recognize how harmful
and dysfunctional this behavior is and decide to ACT differently.
You can do this FWN, I know you can. Not easy, painfully hard
at first, but it does get easier. That's why we have SR, alanon,
our higher power, education, and therapy to support this massive
change in our thinking and lives.
We all wonder how our lives came to be like this......
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
I know you've heard this a thousand times, but if he's drinking he's not sober, and you've made sobriety a condition of working on your marriage. He never sounded like he was taking recovery seriously from the start, and events have reinforced that. Of course it's all your fault for not trusting him!!
Did you intend that the 'test' would be that he go the whole 6 months without drinking? If so, he's already failed. What's your plan B? I'm thinking, what if he makes the supreme effort at 5 months into the separation so he can say he hasn't touched a drop in 1 month? Would that count?
I know there's a lot of emphasis on staying on your side of the street, but on the other hand, you do need some way of finding out whether he's sober before you make a decision.
Did you intend that the 'test' would be that he go the whole 6 months without drinking? If so, he's already failed. What's your plan B? I'm thinking, what if he makes the supreme effort at 5 months into the separation so he can say he hasn't touched a drop in 1 month? Would that count?
I know there's a lot of emphasis on staying on your side of the street, but on the other hand, you do need some way of finding out whether he's sober before you make a decision.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
So not only is he drinking, he is blaming you that he is? That's rich. Goodness.
I agree, no contact means not from you either. You need to focus on YOU and your children, not him. He is making his choices and showing you his intents right now. I say this kindly because I know it's painful.
I am sorry this is not turning out the way you wanted it to . Remember the three C's and do no be manipulated into " if you did not do this I would not have drank." That's a load.
I agree, no contact means not from you either. You need to focus on YOU and your children, not him. He is making his choices and showing you his intents right now. I say this kindly because I know it's painful.
I am sorry this is not turning out the way you wanted it to . Remember the three C's and do no be manipulated into " if you did not do this I would not have drank." That's a load.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
Posts: 816
I recall telling my then AH that I was not responsible for his actions/
decision to drink, that I had no control over it because if I did I
would have stopped it long ago. I also told him I never wanted
to hear that blaming statement again. I stopped all behaviors
related to his drinking ; criticizing, snooping, asking about it,
looking for it, etc. I was done, like Forest Gump when he was
jogging cross country with a following, stopped, and said,
I'm going home. The end.
When we get some distance and clearer heads, many things
become obvious and and we can trust ourselves to move
forward in the right direction, but we need some space first
to clear our heads.
decision to drink, that I had no control over it because if I did I
would have stopped it long ago. I also told him I never wanted
to hear that blaming statement again. I stopped all behaviors
related to his drinking ; criticizing, snooping, asking about it,
looking for it, etc. I was done, like Forest Gump when he was
jogging cross country with a following, stopped, and said,
I'm going home. The end.
When we get some distance and clearer heads, many things
become obvious and and we can trust ourselves to move
forward in the right direction, but we need some space first
to clear our heads.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 436
FWN
If the reason you left was to make him stop drinking then you must be prepared to accept that he may not stop. Then what? I took that gamble. I did not have a plan B because I really, truly in my heart believed that I meant more to him than drinking.
Do not under estimate the hold alcohol can have over an alcoholic. I did, even though I knew so much about it intellectually and had read all the articles about thinking we are exceptional and different. We were not.
If you can try to look at your life through the lens of "he will never stop drinking" you might save yourself a lot of pain. For me looking through the lens of "he will stop because he loves me" has caused me mountains of pain and has held me back from REALLY living and thriving in the world.
You never know, you may get a nice surprise somewhere down the line.
Be the best you you can be, for yourself and for your kids. Whether or not your husband chooses to be part of that family dynamic is his choice. But don't live your life for him. And please don't wear yourself out being the alcohol police. Give all that energy to your kids.
ps I know all this is much easier said than done. I follow your posts and I resonate with a lot of what you are going through. It's 2 years since I left and he is drinking more than ever.
If the reason you left was to make him stop drinking then you must be prepared to accept that he may not stop. Then what? I took that gamble. I did not have a plan B because I really, truly in my heart believed that I meant more to him than drinking.
Do not under estimate the hold alcohol can have over an alcoholic. I did, even though I knew so much about it intellectually and had read all the articles about thinking we are exceptional and different. We were not.
If you can try to look at your life through the lens of "he will never stop drinking" you might save yourself a lot of pain. For me looking through the lens of "he will stop because he loves me" has caused me mountains of pain and has held me back from REALLY living and thriving in the world.
You never know, you may get a nice surprise somewhere down the line.
Be the best you you can be, for yourself and for your kids. Whether or not your husband chooses to be part of that family dynamic is his choice. But don't live your life for him. And please don't wear yourself out being the alcohol police. Give all that energy to your kids.
ps I know all this is much easier said than done. I follow your posts and I resonate with a lot of what you are going through. It's 2 years since I left and he is drinking more than ever.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 316
I sent him a text this morning telling him that we needed real space, I told him that I would speak with him on the phone once a week on Sunday evening after the kids go to bed and if he has been drinking I will simply hang up and we will try again a week later. I told him If he has anything important to tell me then he can text me. I also said of course he can speak with the kids on my phone every day.
I also told him if he tries to call me I will not answer.
And I also told him that if his decision is to just continue drinking then I am ready to be done with this and file for divorce. He begged for more time. Said he was still trying to figure it out -eye roll-. No apologize him for the way he was a jerk to me last night though. No, he double down early this morning with a text saying he was still in the right.
I feel good about this, I feel like they are solid boundaries and I will not break them. I needed last night, one more experience of being devastated he drank.
I also told him if he tries to call me I will not answer.
And I also told him that if his decision is to just continue drinking then I am ready to be done with this and file for divorce. He begged for more time. Said he was still trying to figure it out -eye roll-. No apologize him for the way he was a jerk to me last night though. No, he double down early this morning with a text saying he was still in the right.
I feel good about this, I feel like they are solid boundaries and I will not break them. I needed last night, one more experience of being devastated he drank.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
And this type of behavior is how you know he is not accepting any sort of recovery. A person in recovery does not act this way. Good for you for getting yourself some boundaries!
Originally Posted by FWN
[left] No, he double down early this morning with a text saying he was still in the right.
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