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Heavy binge drinker

Old 01-14-2020, 10:32 AM
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Unhappy Heavy binge drinker

I’m new here. I have a serious binge drinking problem that has gotten worse over the years. I didn’t start drinking until I was 18; I’m 50 now. I black out almost every time I drink now. I can go weeks or months without a drink, but when I do drink... it’s not pretty. I had alcohol poisoning quite a few times last year, and most recently on 1/10/20. I passed out in bed and woke up to a warning on my Apple Watch that my heart rate had reach 154 while I was passed out. I’m done for good. I’ve tried to quit quite a few times in the past, but have always gone back thinking I can handle it. I can’t handle it, and now my health is suffering. I can’t be the 1-2 drink max person. If I have 1 or 2, it’ll turn into 8-10.

Now I’m overwhelmed. Do I go to AA or some other type program? Do I tell my friends? Are my friends really just drinking buddies? I haven’t even told my husband. When I’ve talked to him before, he’s said, “You just need to stop after 1 or 2.” I can’t!!

I’m ashamed of all the things I’ve done over the last 32 years when I’ve been drunk, and there are A LOT of shameful things I’ve done. Horrible, inappropriate, embarrassing behavior. I’ve even had a DUI, but my attorney got it knocked down to Reckless Driving, so somehow in my mind I trick myself into thinking I’ve never really had a DUI. Ugh! I’m just sitting here hating myself today.
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Old 01-14-2020, 10:50 AM
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You would be surprised that there are a whole lot of people that are just like you or me just chomping at the bit to help others like us or them! It does us good to help others. Welcome to SR! I could have never gotten as far as I have without the help that this place has given me. I always check in the 24 hour recovery thread every morning to remind me that I can't drink. A good way to start the day! Please read and post as needed. Open 24/7. Best wishes for you on your journey!
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Old 01-14-2020, 10:51 AM
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Welcome to Sober Recovery. Sorry you are overwhelmed, but coming here is a great first step to quitting.

Originally Posted by DaisyBelle7 View Post
Now I’m overwhelmed. Do I go to AA or some other type program? Do I tell my friends? Are my friends really just drinking buddies? I haven’t even told my husband. When I’ve talked to him before, he’s said, “You just need to stop after 1 or 2.” I can’t!!
Not being able to control one's drinking is a hallmark of alcoholism. So is not being able to quit, or stay quit. AA would be a great place to find the tools to make sobriety stick.

But AA isn't the only method. There are a number of ways to quick. But it comes down to what you are willing to do to get and stay sober. It's one thing to desperately want to quit drinking, and another to have a list of reasons of why you won't do what it takes.

If you want to quit you should certainly look at AA, Smart Recovery, Rational Recovery, or any of the other methods you will see mentioned on this forum.
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Old 01-14-2020, 10:53 AM
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I think AA would be a good start. Give it a legitimate shot and worst case it just isn't for you.
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Old 01-14-2020, 11:12 AM
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Surrender!!!!!!! It works
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Old 01-14-2020, 11:16 AM
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Hi Daisybelle

Welcome to SR.

You'd fit in at AA.

Here's why .... from the AA big book,

"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. "
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Old 01-14-2020, 11:44 AM
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Hello and welcome to the site. You'll find a lot of support here.
I, too, started out binge drinking, but for me, that quickly led to the drinking sessions getting closer and closer together until I was drinking every day.

It doesn't sound like that's the case with you, but you still recognize you may have a drinking problem.
What I've learned is that it's not that important how often we drink, but how alcohol affects us when we do drink. And it sounds like you have trouble stopping once you start.

I was that way, too For roughly around the same timeframe as you. A little longer.
I got to the point where I couldn't control my intake, nor could I control how much I'd drink once I got started. Then I lost all control.

But to your problem, I would give AA a try or another program of recovery.
I lost some drinking buddies when I finally quit, but that's all we had in common so they weren't missed.
True friends will stick by you.
You can tell whomever you wish of your intentions. I was surprised by how little some cared. That was good. Really, it's personal and I didn't care what anyone thought of it I was quitting to save my life.

Best to you and I hope you stick around here. And remember, you never have to drink again.
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Old 01-14-2020, 11:47 AM
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Thank you, everyone, for your thoughtful posts. It means a lot to me. ❤️
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Old 01-14-2020, 12:00 PM
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Welcome DaisyBelle. You ask many great questions. How you come at this is largely up to you. I fill my tool box with as many different tools as I can. Reading and participating on this site is a daily thing for me. I have a non-AA support group. I talk to a therapist now. I take care of myself every day. I sleep and make sure to make my bed every morning. I enjoy the calmness and stillness in my head. A million little things.

Us addicts are a pretty self-centered group and when I quit nearly two months ago, I was certain that the heavens would come crashing down because I didn't drink anymore. But, hardly anyone even noticed. The relationships that are real will still be there for you. But you might drift away from some drinking buddies, but some of that may have been crap to begin with.

During the holidays when I was sipping a soda with a lime in it, nobody noticed. I was briefly at a ball game recently where there was a lot of drinking going on. I had a cup of coffee in my hand. Nobody noticed.

Now I have an extra 4-8 hours every day. Every single day. You can devote that to anything you want. I still so enjoy getting up very early and heading to the gym, having coffee and working the crossword puzzle. All fun activities now that I look forward to.

Sleep will be an issue at first and one you shouldn't fret over too much. It is one of the last things to return to us. Tired but clear-headed and calm is so preferable to hung over and humiliated. Remember that. At 3 a.m. when you are wide awake, seize those moments and enjoy them.

Watch the detox symptoms. If you start feeling really bad get to a doc.

Welcome and post here often and tell us how it is going. Is today your Day 1?
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Old 01-14-2020, 12:15 PM
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Thank you, Surrendered19! ... and thank you for mentioning that most people probably won’t notice. It made me think, and you’re right. I tried to quit in November, before Thanksgiving. I was sober for 24 days. I went to 3 parties and no one noticed or cared that I wasn’t drinking. This time around, I’m not going to put myself in those situations though. Going out for holiday festivities is what triggered me to start drinking again.

This time around, the last time I drank was around 11:30pm on Friday, 1/10, so 4 days sober by the end of the day today. I’m looking forward to getting time back now that I won’t be nursing hangovers.
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Old 01-14-2020, 12:47 PM
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I am no master criminal but have been arrested at least 10 times by various police departments. All down to drunken behaviour. This all happened after age 30 when I began drinking alcoholically. My guilt and shame knows no bounds. Alcoholism is progressive. Things will get worse. AA is a good start!
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