neutronstar

I've never posted on this forum because I always thought there would be hope for my alcoholic partner. He was diagnosed with end stage liver failure over a year ago and was given one to two years left. Despite almost dying two times in the last six years he continued to drink and hide how much he was drinking. Over the course of our 17 year relationship nothing stuck for him. He tried going to treatment. He tried going to AA. He struggles with anxiety and a skin condition which he uses alcohol to cope.

Over the last year I saw an intelligent man with a good heart, a good friend who loves me and I him despite the addiction, lose his independence, the ability to go back to work and his body get so weak he fell and broke ribs, he lost all his muscle mass in his arms and legs. Just before Christmas he self admitted himself to hospital because of fluid buildup and had it drained. When he came back home he has not been able to recover and was even more weak. He was able to be home for Christmas and New Years bedridden for the most part. Barely eating and so weak to function at home.

Last week 911 had to be called because he was intoxicated and we could not lift him. He was a fall risk. He had to be lifted out of the house in a stretcher and admitted to hospital. This will be the last time he will be home. He is in hospital now and we are waiting for him to be transferred to a hospice. He still knows who I am but his body is starting to shut down and he has only been given a couple of days.

I am numb and feel like I have been grieving for over a year when he lost his full independence. He is only 41 years old. Nobody including the alcoholic should have to go through this.

hazy

Sleepyhollo

I’m sorry for what you are going through. It always amazes me how people can be at deaths door and it still isn’t enough to change. I’m not just talking about addiction, I’m also taking about people with heart attack’s or strokes and not quitting their bad habits. I see a lady who has had lung cancer and had half her lung removed a few years ago. She is still smoking and has no desire to quit. It is so hard to understand that near death experiences are still not enough to make better life choices and I think it is so hard for loved ones to see this and know that they have no control over their loved ones behavior.
And you are right, end stage liver disease gets pretty ugly and no one should have to endure that. It is so sad to see anyone die but even more so when they are so young and could have still had their whole life ahead of them. As hard as this is for you I hope you do understand that there is nothing you could’ve done differently to have a different outcome even though I know that doesn’t necessarily make it easier to deal with . I wish you lots of strength during this difficult time.

Wombaticus

Neutronstar, this is indeed an awful disease. Its made harder because we can't do anything to fix it. Grief can be exhausting and it sounds like you have already been doing a lot of that already. Stick around here - it helps.

theVman31

Hello NeutronStar.
This is really sad and prayers for your partner. I can only reiterate whats been said. It is an awful disease mercyless and soul destroying.
As I hope you know none of it is your fault, we cant cure an alcoholic. I hope you find the strength and courage to get over this and live a happy new life. I assume you are roughly your partners age so you got a lot of living to do.
Peace ✌️
Take care

Ayers

Sending you love and thinking of you and your loved one (((())))
Stay strong and look after yourself, NeurtonStar. XXX

Derringer

You are an angel on Earth.

Bless you for looking after your man till now and God give you strength for what is to come.

dandylion

neutron...….I know, first hand, how hard it is to lose a loved one...no matter what the situation.
My heart is going out to you....
I am glad that you could come and share this with us.....

SnoozyQ

I am so very sorry sweetheart.

This is heartbreaking for both of you .

You because you couldnt save him & he because he couldnt save himself.

Dont blame yourself in any way because as an alcoholic myself, i couldnt save me until i decided to.

I dont know why some of us make it and some dont. Im pretty sure you would have been doing a lot of grieving in your relationship as he was slowly killing himself. It must have been so hard on you .

Try to keep the happy memories of him that you have as the person he was before this disease took him over.

You cpuldnt have done any more than you did.

Sending you so much love xxxxx

LifeChangeNYC

velma929

I'm so sorry. There are specific forums for extreme care taking and anticipatory loss. PM me if you'd like them.

hopeful4

I am so very sorry. I hate addiction.

Dee74

I'm sorry for what brings you here Neutronstar, but I'm glad you posted - this is a place of great understanding and support.

D

wehav2day

Neutronstar,

I’m so very sorry to hear this. Alcoholism is a terrible, terrible affliction. Prayers and hugs to you both.

Sasha1972

I am very sorry for your loss. It’s a terrible affliction.

neutronstar

Velma - Thank you for your reply. I don't have enough posts to PM you but if you see this would appreciate any info you could send me.

Amaranth

It is so touching to hear the love you feel for your partner come through in such a harrowing situation. You describe what must be our worst nightmare, for many here on this forum. You show such strength in the face of tragedy.
Blessings to you and hope you will both eventually find peace.

neutronstar

Thank you everyone for the words. It is helping to know there are others that have gone through this and all we can do as friends and family is not blame ourselves.

He has been moved into hospice now for a more compassionate environment. He is still holding on. The reason why I held on was underneath everything he is a caring soul. If the roles were reversed I know he would have been there for me. Still so tough to see him this way. Each day he is less and less aware, less strong. A mix of wanting him to no longer suffer but taking comfort that he is still holding on that I can see him another day.

SurviveThrive

[QUOTE=neutronstar;7357445]I've never posted on this forum because I always thought there would be hope for my alcoholic partner.
my heart goes out to you...I can empathize from personal experience of tragic loss because of alcoholism. Remember always that it is worth loving to also support those you love even through incredibly tough times. That is Your integrity. Your strength shines through! And people will keep reminding you that it's not your fault...hear them! If you want to reach out, feel free to pm me.

FarmhouseGal