Derringer

Just wanted to post some advice on early recovery.

These were things that tripped me up early days in my countless attempts to try and stop drinking.

Move the Boulder

Work on stopping drinking (the boulder) and just that for now.

There will be time to go back and pick up the rocks and pebbles later.
Lose weight, stop smoking, fix a relationship if you have one, improve at work, get fit, get some muscles ... all those things we want to fix up are dependent on us stopping drinking first and foremost.
Sometimes, when it doesn't ALL work out like we think it should, we get a terrible case of the 'Effits' and 'whats the point' and we drink.
By focusing on sobriety only, we negate the chances of that happening and make the task simpler and smaller.

It's a marathon, not a sprint.

One of the best bits of advice I was given. It was also put a similar way ... "Be a Clydesdale, not a Racehorse" and a slightly different way ...
"Don't be a skyrocket, they take off in a hell of a hurry but then they explode"
Those 3 relate closely to the above but also to the fact that it takes time and we can also come unstuck by being impatient and wanting more instant results.

Pick a method and stick to it

If you don't stand for something you can fall for anything.
Use a tried and tested method or make your own, but don't take too much of a scattergun approach. A rifle is more likely to hit a long distance target and that's the end game, long term sobriety.
If it's not working after a decent amount of time, reassess then and readjust, but do give it time.

Practice

No professional sportsperson took out a tournament win the first time they picked up a ball, bat, racquet or club.
Not good at something ? Do it anyway, then do it again and again and again. You will get better, it's what we do.
We adapt, we learn, we evolve, we grow.

Stay Out In Front

Of alcoholism, of that first drink.
Move forward or it will catch up with you and it will run you over.
Ask any relapsed alcoholic.

That'll do from me.

jr67

Hey Derringer. Thanks for this. The boulder concept esp. resonates with me.

sortofhomecomin

Actually, I tried that approach and I still relapsed. Next time I will try changing everything. No offense.

DriGuy

It's different for everyone. I have heard over and over the mantra, "Change everything," and that may be true for some. It wasn't for me. I think most of us aren't completely broke when we begin recovery, and there is still good in us. "Change everything," seems like an admonishment that is exaggerated for effect. In fact, my impression was that those who advocated such a draconian effort with such a serious demeanor, didn't really mean it. I dunno, "Everything" is a pretty big slice. 70% might be too big, but I agree that some may need to change more than others. But you don't need to rebuild the whole car when what it really needs are a new set of brakes.

But I will admit that the changes I make in recovery do have the tendency to feel like I just bought a new car. It does feel like that, but it's not really a good analogy either. Getting better seems a sensible goal for the rest of your life. If something is broke, fix it.

But whatever you find that works, even if some of things you find don't work, we are all in your corner. Don't quit searching. Searching is a good step in finding, and stumbling is part of learning to walk. Good luck in your quest, and when you find solutions, post them here. None of us have learned all there is to know.

Surrendered19

All great advice Derringer.

August252015

I agree with this 99%. At first, I had to not drink. And that was the focus. No "TRY" not to drink.

Fully agree in changing every single choice and person and circumstance in our control that would take us closer to a drink. "keeping" (or re-finding) supportive people like my parents was equally critical. Deciding NOT to move even tho I spent the end drinking alone in my apt, also wise. And so on.

Derringer- also, just curious how long you have been sober?

I have found that different tools and reactions and resources have been more instructive as I have gone along here to 1422 days- all on top of and adding to my basic program of AA.

Definitive conclusions are sometimes not our best friends, if they limit us from learning more ways to live well in recovery.

My $0.02 on this cloudy but lovely Sat in Atlanta.

abgator

I don't entirely agree with the shotgun principle. A multi-pronged approach may be the best way to go for him. Many can do it on AA (or SMART or whatever) alone. Maybe AA and psychotherapy.

For my type of issues, I've found the most effective thing for my mental health to be a combination of a lot of gym time, AA a few times a week (even though I'm going 90 in 90 now just because), and church (and I'm not even religious, but I find the message comforting and motivating). Sometimes I felt like I was stretching myself thin as I never seemed to be home, but it's the right combo for me.

I think cardio at least 3 times a week should be just as important as AA on anybody's list. You may feel temporarily uplifted by an AA meeting and that's important, but what exercise does to your brain is undeniable and lasts much longer. You don't have to think about it, the body takes care of it for you.

August252015

Ya had me til that last part, abgator My AA program is the foundation for everything else- and if ALL else fails me, the sober muscles for life I have built from that are the ABCs.

But I def can't wait til I can do my hot yoga 3+ times a week, as my back surgery healing progresses!

Derringer

5.5 years.

albee

needed to read this today, my brain's already trying to jump ahead and do all the things all at once!

Sohard

columbus

Particularly liked:

Stay Out In Front

Of alcoholism, of that first drink.
Move forward or it will catch up with you and it will run you over.
Ask any relapsed alcoholic.

abgator

And I suspect this is the case for the vast majority of alcoholics, for those of whom each day has a potential vacation.

In my case, staving off anxiety is the key to my sobriety and the gym is the best natural cure. But I realize I'm in the minority. However, I do believe exercise to be an essential party to everyone's mental health. Not to mention heart health in general after what we've done to our bodies with booze.

August252015

Completely agree on the anxiety and exercise connection! It was prob last June when I just had to stop exercising because of excruciating pain- my degenerative disc disease got the point I had zero cushion between two vertebrae. So finally had surgery 8/30, and it was 12/6 before I could start basic PT and short walks (half mile then a mile, a couple times a week). That was like manna from heaven! I had lost one of my major outlets for my anxiety and everything else!

Next dr appt is this coming Fri and I have graduated to a few more PT exercises at home, still short walks, and can't wait til this appt or the following one at 6 mo means pilates....

And to circle back to Derringer's OP, whether we like a boulder analogy or any other one, the concept of choosing every single thing that takes us further from a drink v closer to one is something I took literally at first, and have incorporated in my very being as I go along.

abgator

Awesome, congrats on the progress. Pilates is no joke. At the best shape of my life I was doing it for core exercises and even then, it was a butt kicker.

Wastinglife

Well said Derringer. I can stop drinking without too much difficulty. Staying stopped is my problem because when I sober up, all the 'stuff' is there to address. Every aspect of my life is a mess and I get the 'eff-its' then go back to drinking. I lost a whole decade, so I look at the 2020's as a fresh start with everything.