Campr

I feel so much pain. I have been reading your post trying to look for some answers. Our relationship was really good, he is the most sweatest boyfriend ever and my family loves him, but when he drinks and gets to his house ( we dont live together) he begin being very rude and says very ugly things again but then he apologize next morning. Or sometimes he doesnt talk to me in 2 or 3 days. But this time he just broke with me and doesnt return my calls or text just like that. I did not do anything wrong. I am heartbroken...Need so much help..Cant stop crying!!!

Dee74

I'm sorry for what brings you here Campr, but I know you'll find a lot of support.

I think no matter how nuce someone is most of the time - if they;re nasty even only past of the time thats really not fair on you. You don't deserve to be his target whenever his drinking makes him angry irritable and hate filled.

It's simply not your fault. He sounds like an active alcoholic and that means your relationship is three way and always will be while he drinks - you, him, and his booze.

D

ThatWasTheOldMe

Hi Campr,

This sounds like textbook Jekyl and Hyde behavior due to his alcoholism. I can kinda speak from experience when I say this - the real person is the sober version of your boyfriend. If he can look into the reasons for why he starts drinking (that first drink) and get a plan to prevent it, he would be doing right by himself. Assuming he wants to quit...

HeadEast

Let me preface this by saying I've been divorced twice, so I probably shouldn't be giving relationship advice. But I will. Ending a relationship absolutely sucks. It does for almost everyone. I know how you feel. I've been there. It takes time.

You have to put this in perspective. If he is saying bad things to you, he is abusing alcohol. You really don't want to be with someone that abuses alcohol. It may be hard for you to see right now, but there are guys out there that won't say bad things to you. Sweetest boyfriend? Sweet people never say bad things.

A very good book to read is "How to Survive the Loss of Love".

Anna

I'm sorry for your situation Campr. It's so hard to end a relationship. But, I think your boyfriend was treating you badly by saying ugly things to you and not calling for 2 or 3 days. You deserve better treatment than that.

HeadEast

I can't emphasize this enough. You deserve better treatment than that.

SoberRican

Sorry you are going thru that. But you dont have to. Let him deal with HIS situation. Do you... ✌

least

Welcome to the family. You do deserve better treatment by the 'sweetest guy in the world'. I would give him his space and just work on yourself. If he's not too sweet when he's drinking, then he's not really that sweet.

trailmix

Hi Campr, so sorry you got hurt.

Your boyfriend doesn't sound very "sweet" at all, he sounds quite mean. People who are nice don't say rude and ugly things to you, even if they apologize later. I mean everyone can make a mistake but this isn't a mistake, this is alcoholism.

Obviously when he is drinking he can't control himself, but he doesn't need to put that on you, true?

He may have broken up with you so that he doesn't continue to hurt you over and over. It's really bad for you to be abused like that.

There are a few things that might make you feel better sooner. Make a list of every terrible thing he has said to you, all the times he ignored you for days and any other negative thing you can think of.

Once you have that list keep it with you all the time and when you start to think of how "sweet" he was, take out your list and read it, because that is the truth.

Keeping busy and spending time with family and friends can really help.

This will hurt for a while but you won't always feel like this, you will feel better. There are a lot of nice people in the world, he is not one.

Steely

I'm sorry this has happened to you Campr. I know how it feels.

You are in a lot of pain at the moment, but might have just dodged a bullet.

You deserve better.

Wastinglife

I am that kind of drinker too Jekyll and Hyde. Although, I was always a 'happy, fun' drinker before I became alcoholic. I also have alienated girlfriends with mean phone calls/texts when drunk. I always deeply regretted it. Alcohol really can turn a nice person into a monster. I usually couldn't remember the things I said, but when smartphones came out, there was evidence in my text messaging. I was aghast at some of things I said. Very out of character for a sober me.

blazen

Alcohol unleashes the real person inside without restraints. A mean drunk is likely a mean person even if nice when sober. Consider yourself lucky and move on with a smile.

DriGuy

It's painful, but it will pass. You're focus should be to find someone who treats you with respect. You will have to muddle through this part, and no one can make that easier for you, even if we understand. Whether he's an alcoholic or not, you don't deserve this kind of treatment.

Surrendered19

Let him go for now. He's got too much going on in that head of his to have any healthy relationships at all. Sober and actively working to stay that way is the only way you should ever have anything to do with him again. If he is halfway under a bus already, no need to crawl under there with him. I'm sorry you are hurting. I acted like your boyfriend a million times and I regret all of it. But I'll tell you one thing for certain - if he uses, he will never stop doing that. Period.

Campr

You guys have no idea how broken I am. I can't sleep, eat, so depress. Why me? It took me 14 years to date after I got divorce, just took care of my children and then when I decided to date again I met him and have been in this rollercoaster for 2 years. I did not know anything about alcoholism, I learned with him and yes when he drinks he gets very verbally abuse with me and then dont talk to me in 3 days, he says he is destoxicating and he apologize. My family loves him and everybody is so happy for me, they do not know anything about this and how he hurts me when he is drunk. But in christmas I was mad and told him why he was drunk knowing that my mom was here he just keft and dump me. I dont know anything about him since then, he only texted me to leave him alone and dump me. So embarrased. I don't even know what to say to my family.....He always saying how lucky he was to find me and how he loved me.....Thank you for all your support...Reading has help a lot, thats why I decided to register.

ShiftHappens

Im so sorry there are creeps out there.
Im very sorry for your pain.
But..

This guy is a JERK

PLEASE do not take him back. Ever. No matter what comes out of his mouth.

Hes got issues.

He doesnt deserve a decent woman.

babycat

I HIGHLY disagree with this statement.
OP, so very sorry you are hurting but I do think you deserve better. Until he gets the help he clearly needs, I can only think this is for the best.

Steely

So now we've found out something else about him.

He's gutless.

No-one with any integrity, morals, texts their partner with a "don't bother me again" message. He's a dip stick with a lot of problems.

Don't be embarressed by a person like that Campr. He should be the one to feel embarressed about having absolutely no balls.

Talk to your family honestly about him Campr. They only know the face he 'presents'. You have seen him in action. If he continues to drink, that's how he'll stay.

I feel they will support you, and be just as outraged that he has treated you this way.

You can get through this.

Maybe go to the Friends and Family Forum, here. You will find people who have experienced exactly the same mistreatment. They will give you support. They have found ways to look after themselves.

Much love Campr. x

totfit

I know you certainly do not feel this way at the moment, but this might have been the best Christmas present you will ever receive.

Anna

Campr, that's the thing. People, even your family, don't know what was happening inside your relationship. They don't know that you were being abused. So, don't worry that they don't understand. You know, and you know things were not good. Take care of yourself.