Day 1
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
Day 1
12 years of drinking which has progressively gotten worse. Two years ago I could not imagine a day without alcohol but since then I've made several attempts to STOP THIS MADNESS. My longest stint was 53 days. I'm so scared because each time I relapse I go further into the abyss.
The thing that got me every time was a combination of boredom and rationalizing that I can moderate alcohol.
Today is Day 1 of my one-year challenge.
The thing that got me every time was a combination of boredom and rationalizing that I can moderate alcohol.
Today is Day 1 of my one-year challenge.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Those descents into the abyss keep getting longer and deeper too Sober45. Don't spend another day wondering how deep you can go. Because we already know the answer to that question - much much deeper. Only misery and suffering lay down that road. You can lay there and suffer for years. You are out now and on your Day 1 so do whatever you need to do to stay sober. You've done 57 days so you know how it works in the early days. Keep posting and let us know how things are going.
I hope our support can help you get sober for good this time. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
Ha! Ha! The end of my work day is approaching and the anxiety is increasing. I have to deal with some life issues "without a drink" and that prospect is difficult. If I could crawl into a hole and not be bothered it would be so much easier but that isn't reality I know.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 324
Originally Posted by Sober45 
12 years of drinking which has progressively gotten worse. Two years ago I could not imagine a day without alcohol but since then I've made several attempts to STOP THIS MADNESS. My longest stint was 53 days. I'm so scared because each time I relapse I go further into the abyss.
The thing that got me every time was a combination of boredom and rationalizing that I can moderate alcohol.
Today is Day 1 of my one-year challenge.
The thing that got me every time was a combination of boredom and rationalizing that I can moderate alcohol.
Today is Day 1 of my one-year challenge.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
It's a learning process, Sober45, and you can do it. It takes some time and patience to find our way without benefit of alcohol, but it can be done.
You've made a good decision.
You've made a good decision.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 308
Originally Posted by Sober45
Ha! Ha! The end of my work day is approaching and the anxiety is increasing. I have to deal with some life issues "without a drink" and that prospect is difficult. If I could crawl into a hole and not be bothered it would be so much easier but that isn't reality I know.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Sober - it's wonderful to have you with us. This is a great place for encouragement & friendship. Believe me, we all understand what you're going through, the way others can't.
I drank my whole life & have almost 12 yrs. sober. When I found SR I knew I'd never have to feel alone with my struggle, and that meant everything. We know you can do it - congratulations on deciding not to settle for that miserable old way of life.
I drank my whole life & have almost 12 yrs. sober. When I found SR I knew I'd never have to feel alone with my struggle, and that meant everything. We know you can do it - congratulations on deciding not to settle for that miserable old way of life.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
it sounds like a joke but it is the nature of addiction.
as soon as I think i am getting better it is time to get drunk again.
the real answer was my addiction was telling me i was getting better but i was really getting worse. the mental anguish seemed to escalate for a few months, the whole time crave suggested peace.
basically the healing process is a transition from insanity back to normal. i googled insanity and found i suffered from many of the symptoms initially. now this clean, they are all gone.
i have normalized. this healing is a reason to never ever ever drink again. i have not been very sick since i quit. my bp has normalized. i treat people right these days. i am a normal non drinker.
the only exception is...i still crave. but, my analysis defeats the emotional calling of the drink because i know where it will take me.
thanks.
as soon as I think i am getting better it is time to get drunk again.
the real answer was my addiction was telling me i was getting better but i was really getting worse. the mental anguish seemed to escalate for a few months, the whole time crave suggested peace.
basically the healing process is a transition from insanity back to normal. i googled insanity and found i suffered from many of the symptoms initially. now this clean, they are all gone.
i have normalized. this healing is a reason to never ever ever drink again. i have not been very sick since i quit. my bp has normalized. i treat people right these days. i am a normal non drinker.
the only exception is...i still crave. but, my analysis defeats the emotional calling of the drink because i know where it will take me.
thanks.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 324
Originally Posted by D122y
it sounds like a joke but it is the nature of addiction.
as soon as I think i am getting better it is time to get drunk again.
the real answer was my addiction was telling me i was getting better but i was really getting worse. the mental anguish seemed to escalate for a few months, the whole time crave suggested peace.
basically the healing process is a transition from insanity back to normal. i googled insanity and found i suffered from many of the symptoms initially. now this clean, they are all gone.
i have normalized. this healing is a reason to never ever ever drink again. i have not been very sick since i quit. my bp has normalized. i treat people right these days. i am a normal non drinker.
the only exception is...i still crave. but, my analysis defeats the emotional calling of the drink because i know where it will take me.
thanks.
as soon as I think i am getting better it is time to get drunk again.
the real answer was my addiction was telling me i was getting better but i was really getting worse. the mental anguish seemed to escalate for a few months, the whole time crave suggested peace.
basically the healing process is a transition from insanity back to normal. i googled insanity and found i suffered from many of the symptoms initially. now this clean, they are all gone.
i have normalized. this healing is a reason to never ever ever drink again. i have not been very sick since i quit. my bp has normalized. i treat people right these days. i am a normal non drinker.
the only exception is...i still crave. but, my analysis defeats the emotional calling of the drink because i know where it will take me.
thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
Originally Posted by Auchieshuggle
I'm just about to start day 53, so your post has resonated with me. It's funny because over the last few days I have had those insidious thoughts pop into my head for the first time, e.g. 'you can have a drink for the bells!' Alcoholism really is an illness and we cannot afford to let our guard down. Hopefully you'll never be conned into thinking you can moderate your drinking again.
100%....it's the rationalizing. One thing I've learned is the difference between the subconscious and conscious mind. Once a habit like drinking makes to the subconscious level it's HARD to break and requires a huge amount of conscious purposeful thinking. And the way I look at now is even if I was able to moderate...what would I be doing really...I'd be living my life waiting for my next drink. Day 2.
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