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Group support or solo?

Old 01-02-2020, 03:29 AM
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Group support or solo?

I'm curious as in how many of us go to support groups (AA, Lifering, SMART, etc) or simply use SR or techniques like RR to stay sober?

I go to AA (If even I have gripes about parts of it) As I did Rehab last year I'm in an once a week aftercare group where we meet and discuss how our week has been for us and I go to a group in the Rehab every Wednesday afternoon too specially for Men. There's a women's group running at the same time. So it's about 4-5 groups I attend every week.


Isolation was a huge thing for me and my addiction so I think it's critical for me to get out and meet other sober people. What about everyone else here?
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Old 01-02-2020, 03:56 AM
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I spend a lot of time isolating. I've done that all my life. I find it comforting, so I don't worry about it, even though I've been told it isn't right. Isn't right for who? I've done my share of socializing too with a wide array of outcomes ranging from a lot of enjoyment to very little.

Sometimes I think other people are absolutely necessary, and that brings me to the group phenomenon in recovery. It's not for everyone, but starting in college, growth groups made an impression me. My biggest personal insights happened either in groups or in conjunction with them. Groups can be an intense learning experience if they are properly monitored and structured, which sometimes means very little structure.

I would not call SR going solo. I prefer face to face. Could I have quit drinking without a group? I don't know; Maybe. It may just be that a group experience was the first thing that worked. It doesn't make it the only thing that can work. But it does almost seem like it was the only thing because of the profound change in my behavior that occurred during the time I participated. My closest friend where I live today, who was far worse off than I with alcohol, quit drinking completely on his own many years ago, somewhere in the 20 to 30 year range as best that I can reconstruct his history. He doesn't talk about it much, but he never got involved in any group. He's doing well now.
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Old 01-02-2020, 04:04 AM
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Originally Posted by DriGuy View Post
I spend a lot of time isolating. I've done that all my life. I find it comforting, so I don't worry about it, even though I've been told it isn't right. Isn't right for who? I've done my share of socializing too with a wide array of outcomes ranging from a lot of enjoyment to very little.

Sometimes I think other people are absolutely necessary, and that brings me to the group phenomenon in recovery. It's not for everyone, but starting in college, growth groups made an impression me. My biggest personal insights happened either in groups or in conjunction with them. Groups can be an intense learning experience if they are properly monitored and structured, which sometimes means very little structure.

I would not call SR going solo. I prefer face to face. Could I have quit drinking without a group? I don't know; Maybe. It may just be that a group experience was the first thing that worked. It doesn't make it the only thing that can work. But it does almost seem like it was the only thing because of the profound change in my behavior that occurred during the time I participated. My closest friend where I live today, who was far worse off than I with alcohol, quit drinking completely on his own many years ago, somewhere in the 20 to 30 year range as best that I can reconstruct his history. He doesn't talk about it much, but he never got involved in any group. He's doing well now.

I like my own company too, being an only child it usually comes natural to me. There is a thin line for me between that and going into a full isolating mode though (which usually leads to drinking) for me so I have to be careful.

The funny thing is my Rehab always tells us we can't do it alone. But I know loads of serious alcoholics who simply woke up one morning and never drank again, without meetings, treatment, etc. So it can be done for sure.
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Old 01-02-2020, 04:21 AM
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Originally Posted by Reid82 View Post
I like my own company too, being an only child it usually comes natural to me. There is a thin line for me between that and going into a full isolating mode though (which usually leads to drinking) for me so I have to be careful.
I have never associated my drinking with with being by myself too much. If anything, spending time with too many people was a huge contributing factor in getting me started down the wrong path; That and the fact that I think I was probably predisposed to uncontrolled drinking.

I'm not disagreeing with you, however. It's important to understand when one of our behaviors is having a negative effect, and to take steps to correct it.
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Old 01-02-2020, 04:42 AM
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Rehabs have incentive to say the things they say.
This main part of SR is rehab advertisements (Ads). It's a huge business.

Most people in my life slowed down on drinking as they got older and then just didn't drink. Of course, I also don't truly know if that is REALLY why they stopped. Just I tend to take things at face value and not question people.
Small community so word gets around and I don't know of anyone local who's gone to a meeting or rehab. ?? I'm probably not aware of the younger generation though. My age group all seem to have trips to the psych ward more than anything.

I'm a loner through and through. A side thing is I have some problems leaving the safety of home. I work on that part with a couple docs and have put years into helping my anxiety problems. Seems I'm just more comfortable one on one.

I admire people that do it either way - groups/rehab/online/therapy. They all take effort and commitment to work.

maybe online isn't really going it alone....cause let me tell you, it's REALLY hard to open up for a person like me here. I can do it with a doctor etc, someone who I've known for years that I've developed trust. Online is a lot scarier for me. Never know if I'm going to get a mild slap or feelings hurt or .....something.
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Old 01-02-2020, 04:52 AM
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When I try to take part in a group I feel like I just don't fit in. This is probably due to social anxiety. I feel alone. Anyway I'm determined to stay sober.
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Old 01-02-2020, 05:16 AM
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What DriGuy said, almost exactly!

I don't see these as either/or propositions. Why go "alone" when there is info to be learned, things others do that work we might not have tried, friends to talk to who get it...? I believe that using every available "thing" to build my perfectly imperfect sober life is worth my time and attention.

"Take what you want and leave the rest" is an AA mantra that rings true for me in this context in particular- I don't believe the steps are "optional" or a cafeteria plan, but I do believe and know from ongoing experience that some things resonate with me more than others. And that extends beyond AA to the rest of the everything in the everywhere!

I also look for the "people who have what I want." Looking at and comparing things to "the many who do it alone" (para your words) isn't really a worthwhile thing to me - kinda like NOT stacking the odds in my favor, so to speak.

Whatever you do - whatever works- keep doing it.
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Old 01-02-2020, 05:22 AM
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I do it solo and SR. I’ve gotten pretty addicted to this site (a good addiction, if I must say). I don’t have anyone IRL that I can talk to that has gone through what I’m going through. Sure I know several heavy drinkers but no one that has sought any form of treatment.
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Old 01-02-2020, 05:35 AM
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I've been doing a lot of group work.

In my case, I reasoned I didn't get going on the alcohol path alone so I wouldn't try to get off it alone either. I went to IOP, continuing care and attend at least 1 meeting a week so far. Im fortunate that most of my long term social group, family, friends and colleagues are sober. It was most of my drinking friends who were situational and our "friendship" centered on drinking with very little sober interactions.

I do know quite a few people who just stopped drinking on their own so my whole path through the recovery routes was me having to figure it out a lot on my own at first. Now, in addition to group work I also spend quite a bit of alone time reading and listening to podcasts because I know Im likely to be most tempted when Im by myself with no immediate accountability. So I try to anticipate those things and make sure Im in a good state of mind and also that I deal with stress in a better way.
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Old 01-02-2020, 06:05 AM
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I've tried every which way and ultimately decided that the best thing for me is to synthesize a program that works for me. This includes posting and reading here, seeing a therapist, reading elsewhere, reminding myself of the concepts of Rational Recovery (AVRT), staying in touch with people who love me, and (gasp!) going to AA. This last was also most definitely "not for me." I found that the program was simply "too religious," "too intolerant," and "too rote" for me. But then a friend here gently suggested that I consider that I might be exercising contempt prior to investigation. And you know, she was right. Going to meetings doesn't qualify as investigation.

The first 164 pages of the Alcoholics Anonymous book is the program of AA and I found upon careful reading that it's a sound program. I attend meetings because I find great comfort in the presence of other drunks. I'm learning to filter out the "embellishments" that many of those humans pile on top of the simple program. It's good for me to practice tolerating that humanity and advocating for my own truth. To take a phrase out of context, "this is the proper use of will."
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Old 01-02-2020, 09:03 AM
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I think you'll find introverts overly represented in an online community such as this. I don't do face to face support because that would have been draining to me. If I ended up needing it I would have done it. I don't interact all that much in IRL outside of work and a few friends. I enjoy my downtime.

I wouldn't call that isolating though. This fall I had a few months when I was isolating meaning I wasn't having conversations with others and my mind was starting to knot up. Logging in here fixed that.
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Old 01-02-2020, 09:06 AM
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I don't use AA or group support, although I think SR offers group support. I've depended on books and SR and that works well for me.
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Old 01-02-2020, 09:30 AM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
I don't use AA or group support, although I think SR offers group support. I've depended on books and SR and that works well for me.
I 100% agree that SR counts as group support so I change my answer Most people don’t like to vocally open up. Not just with alcoholism but really anything in general. The keyboard can be a dangerous thing on most sites but here, it gives people an outlet that is more comfortable to them.
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Old 01-02-2020, 09:32 AM
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It helps to have a support network when it gets tough.

Depends how your recovery goes.

Some people quit, kick on, don't miss it, won't need much support.

Some people quit, it's tough for a while, but gets better and they eventually kick on.

Some people quit, are miserable and it doesn't get any better than that. They struggle from day one and stay struggling.

IME ... you'll have to watch how you react to sobriety and adjust the plan to suit.

Slides backwards can also occur for those that kick on early and appear to be doing well.

It's multi faceted really.

You just have to stick around here for a while to see how many "I drank again" threads pop up regularly from folks who thought it was all going sweet.

Don't underestimate this thing.
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Old 01-02-2020, 09:35 AM
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Hello for me I say different strokes for different folks. Just like we was selfish with our addiction I am sorta that way in recovery. I'm like a sponge soak up any data knowledge anything recovery related and see what works for me. I try not to think of a plan B if it broke dont fix it. Got 243 days of it so far. But I do share what works for me. ✌
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Old 01-02-2020, 10:52 AM
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Dang O - you are all over it with channeling me today. Just love the way someone describes "synthesizing" their sober program.
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Old 01-02-2020, 11:28 AM
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Originally Posted by Obladi View Post
and (gasp!) going to AA. This last was also most definitely "not for me." I found that the program was simply "too religious," "too intolerant," and "too rote" for me.
I think AA is 80-90% full of folk who initially thought it was not for them.

It's pretty rare that you hear a genuine case of someone who took to it like a duck to water.

We also have to bare in mind that the same brain that has been signing off on drinking ourselves silly all these years is the same brain we are now convinced can make a sound and rational decision on what recovery plan to go with.
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Old 01-02-2020, 11:31 AM
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Originally Posted by SoberRican View Post
Just like we was selfish with our addiction I am sorta that way in recovery. I'm like a sponge soak up any data knowledge anything recovery related and see what works
I know what you mean. I felt that way too. I've wondered if other people experienced it the way I did. I would hope others did, but my first concern was my recovery. It sounded selfish to me. I wasn't sure if I should feel guilty about that, but I didn't feel the least bit guilty. I just wondered about it.
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