The 3 stooges.......
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The 3 stooges.......
Gonna keep this short and sweet. My XAGF has resurfaced. Well, I’m still holding strong with NC after 9 months — but I’m just so angry tonight. Need to vent. After a long day at work today I saw I had a blocked VM from her. My new iPhone transcribes the message which is helpful only if you want to know what they have to say.... ha. Well she said that I need to call her ASAP as MY parents (who I’m estranged from for endless reasons) are “worried” about me cause they don’t know where I am! UGHHHH
The irony my father left me for 25 years to live out of his car yet blaming me for his choice of isolation!?
And my mother is just a dysfunctional hot mess. No surprise they apparently love my ex.
I know there’s no resolution here... haha. No, I’m not going to call her. I know it’s the 3 stooges!
It just pisses me off that MY ex is telling ME to call MY parents!!!!!! GRRRR (virtual punching bag!!!) I broke up with her 9 months ago!!!! OMG
The irony my father left me for 25 years to live out of his car yet blaming me for his choice of isolation!?
And my mother is just a dysfunctional hot mess. No surprise they apparently love my ex.
I know there’s no resolution here... haha. No, I’m not going to call her. I know it’s the 3 stooges!
It just pisses me off that MY ex is telling ME to call MY parents!!!!!! GRRRR (virtual punching bag!!!) I broke up with her 9 months ago!!!! OMG
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I really wish I could hear their conversations about me... OK, not really. Well, maybe a little. It’s probably so bad... it’s quite comical.
On a serious note, does anyone have an alcoholic ex that has roped their control/manipulation onto your parents? And BTW my divorced parents are both willing participants.
On a serious note, does anyone have an alcoholic ex that has roped their control/manipulation onto your parents? And BTW my divorced parents are both willing participants.
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I'm combo laughing-gagging for you hear Lifechange. Wow, that is quite the crowd of Ex-dysfunctional relationships pounding at your gate. Yep I would be mad along with an huge smorgasbord of other emotions.
Sigh, new technology and new need to figure out NC
Sigh, new technology and new need to figure out NC
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
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I relate. I choose to direct my life in healthy, well-connected, interesting-to-me ways. I've volunteered to help at a Tedx event. A fellow photographer has passed some unused equipment to me, along with kindness, niceness, etc. Al-Anon and open 12 step meetings allow me space to grow. I like my job(s) and the people I work with.
In my case it's my alcoholic husband who talks with my parents. As I told him almost 1 1/2 years ago, as he (while drunk; he was driven by my parent to where I was working -- and living, on a beautiful private ranch with DS13) expressed how worried everyone was about me and our youngest son: "fear feeds fear". My parents are good at manipulation, lies and feeding fears, and as the psychiatrist I saw last summer put it, someone who's drinking is easy to manipulate.
A core part of my recovery through Al-Anon (for me, not necessarily for anyone else) has been to not JADE, even through my CPS case. I don't justify, argue, defend or explain. Especially to people who refuse to listen.
I keep showing up for DS13, for anything in the CPS case I need to and doing the next right action.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I heard similar accusations. I tend to have a very different outlook. I'm becoming more and more okay with that.
In my case it's my alcoholic husband who talks with my parents. As I told him almost 1 1/2 years ago, as he (while drunk; he was driven by my parent to where I was working -- and living, on a beautiful private ranch with DS13) expressed how worried everyone was about me and our youngest son: "fear feeds fear". My parents are good at manipulation, lies and feeding fears, and as the psychiatrist I saw last summer put it, someone who's drinking is easy to manipulate.
A core part of my recovery through Al-Anon (for me, not necessarily for anyone else) has been to not JADE, even through my CPS case. I don't justify, argue, defend or explain. Especially to people who refuse to listen.
I keep showing up for DS13, for anything in the CPS case I need to and doing the next right action.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I heard similar accusations. I tend to have a very different outlook. I'm becoming more and more okay with that.
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Wow, that is one festival of blatant manipulation on all sides. Of course, it’s also possible that your ex just made that up?
Whatever you do, please please don’t let her provoke a response from you. It will just validate this tactic and you’ll get to deal with more of it.
There’s got to be a way to block her number altogether, yes? I have several people who I’ve blocked and they can’t leave me a message, either.
Breathe in, breathe out, yes? One clumsy attempt from your ex can’t undo all the progress you’ve made.
Whatever you do, please please don’t let her provoke a response from you. It will just validate this tactic and you’ll get to deal with more of it.
There’s got to be a way to block her number altogether, yes? I have several people who I’ve blocked and they can’t leave me a message, either.
Breathe in, breathe out, yes? One clumsy attempt from your ex can’t undo all the progress you’ve made.
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I’ll backtrack a bit. About 3 years into our relationship my ex girlfriend started attempts to rope in my parents. Another gigantic red flag begun waving right infront of my face. I told her... NOT a good idea... I was 100% against it. But telling NO to an alcoholic... well, her is a green light to do exactly that. So I tried to “ignore” it, hoping secretly she would black out and forget she ever mentioned it.
Being the Oscar winning master manipulator that she was/is... she managed to find my father! He was completely off grid... and on absolutely no social media! He had no address and a barely working phone that he apparently doesn’t answer... you have to leave a message and he calls you back! LOL! (Eye roll). It was her dream, my nightmare. And I came home one night to her laughter, an empty box of wine and yes... her pointing to the phone... saying: oh guess what kind gentleman I have on the other end! (I’m sick even reliving this BTW). OK he left me so many times in my life... the longest being over 25 years. I was 17... he wrote me a letter saying what a horrible son I was. This horrible son (me) had advanced placement at 16 into one of the top private universities in NYC.
Long story short, we spoke and a few months later... he went completely mad one afternoon on the phone. I hung up and we haven’t spoken. But she continues to call him.
Being the Oscar winning master manipulator that she was/is... she managed to find my father! He was completely off grid... and on absolutely no social media! He had no address and a barely working phone that he apparently doesn’t answer... you have to leave a message and he calls you back! LOL! (Eye roll). It was her dream, my nightmare. And I came home one night to her laughter, an empty box of wine and yes... her pointing to the phone... saying: oh guess what kind gentleman I have on the other end! (I’m sick even reliving this BTW). OK he left me so many times in my life... the longest being over 25 years. I was 17... he wrote me a letter saying what a horrible son I was. This horrible son (me) had advanced placement at 16 into one of the top private universities in NYC.
Long story short, we spoke and a few months later... he went completely mad one afternoon on the phone. I hung up and we haven’t spoken. But she continues to call him.
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Originally Posted by LifeChangeNYC 
I really wish I could hear their conversations about me... OK, not really. Well, maybe a little. It’s probably so bad... it’s quite comical.
On a serious note, does anyone have an alcoholic ex that has roped their control/manipulation onto your parents? And BTW my divorced parents are both willing participants.
On a serious note, does anyone have an alcoholic ex that has roped their control/manipulation onto your parents? And BTW my divorced parents are both willing participants.
Back to your question, although she never has gotten my parents involved, she has certainly tried to manipulate and turn my sister in law against me. We all hang out some, and she's found a partner in getting drunk as can be whenever they get together. Sister in law is a heavy drinker at times, but I don't think an alcoholic. She (ex) is constantly messaging her and blasting me for not moving forward, she even a few weeks ago asked my sister in law if she thought I was gay! Sister in law shared this with me as she has alot of the texts that flat out attack me for every reason other than the issue I've said is what's holding me back all along, her drinking and all the crap that comes with it. It's been hard for her to really take a hard stance against my ex, as we have been in a relationship this whole time and she (sis) doesn't want to compromise things long term, not knowing if we'd be together or not. Point is, yes, I think the alcoholic will try to get as many allies as possible in any situation, so as to try to once again shift the blame somewhere else, away from where it actually belongs.
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As far as my mother, yes they speak every Sunday. Apparently she talks to God first... then God’s assistant, my ex. UGH.
My mother was my first unhealthy, codie relationship. When my parents divorced my brother snuck out to smoke pot while I stayed home to “care” for my grieving mother. I became her fill in husband so to speak. Not sexually... just emotionally. It was and always has been toxic.
So it was a total shock to me that my mother would even like my ex girlfriend!?? Talk about the ultimate battle of who can manipulate the other faster or better. I hoped one would equal out the other but they’re both cockroaches (the won’t die if flushed.... ever!)
Anyhow, they talked on cue... and we’d constantly fight about it! No surprise. It made me crazy! Angry doesn’t even describe my feelings about her relationship with them. And it still goes on....
My mother was my first unhealthy, codie relationship. When my parents divorced my brother snuck out to smoke pot while I stayed home to “care” for my grieving mother. I became her fill in husband so to speak. Not sexually... just emotionally. It was and always has been toxic.
So it was a total shock to me that my mother would even like my ex girlfriend!?? Talk about the ultimate battle of who can manipulate the other faster or better. I hoped one would equal out the other but they’re both cockroaches (the won’t die if flushed.... ever!)
Anyhow, they talked on cue... and we’d constantly fight about it! No surprise. It made me crazy! Angry doesn’t even describe my feelings about her relationship with them. And it still goes on....
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Trailmix- my parents aren’t on social media (phew!) as they can barely work their cell phone still...from what I’ve heard. I always joked that they can’t work their phones because I’m not there! Haha #codienightmare
Bekind- haha it’s total madness. A boundary nightmare. All 3 are trying to manipulate the other... to find out some kind of new info about me. But there’s zero news. Maybe I’ll have you call haaaaa!
Bekind- haha it’s total madness. A boundary nightmare. All 3 are trying to manipulate the other... to find out some kind of new info about me. But there’s zero news. Maybe I’ll have you call haaaaa!
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Originally Posted by LifeChangeNYC
As far as my mother, yes they speak every Sunday. Apparently she talks to God first... then God’s assistant, my ex. UGH.
My mother was my first unhealthy, codie relationship. When my parents divorced my brother snuck out to smoke pot while I stayed home to “care” for my grieving mother. I became her fill in husband so to speak. Not sexually... just emotionally. It was and always has been toxic.
So it was a total shock to me that my mother would even like my ex girlfriend!?? Talk about the ultimate battle of who can manipulate the other faster or better. I hoped one would equal out the other but they’re both cockroaches (the won’t die if flushed.... ever!)
Anyhow, they talked on cue... and we’d constantly fight about it! No surprise. It made me crazy! Angry doesn’t even describe my feelings about her relationship with them. And it still goes on....
My mother was my first unhealthy, codie relationship. When my parents divorced my brother snuck out to smoke pot while I stayed home to “care” for my grieving mother. I became her fill in husband so to speak. Not sexually... just emotionally. It was and always has been toxic.
So it was a total shock to me that my mother would even like my ex girlfriend!?? Talk about the ultimate battle of who can manipulate the other faster or better. I hoped one would equal out the other but they’re both cockroaches (the won’t die if flushed.... ever!)
Anyhow, they talked on cue... and we’d constantly fight about it! No surprise. It made me crazy! Angry doesn’t even describe my feelings about her relationship with them. And it still goes on....
As hard as it might be, try not to be offended by their contact and try to let it go. Ex is obviously using it as a way to get to you. Mom just doing what she thinks is right, afraid to cause further damage to you both. 9 months is a heck of a long time, be thankful for that and stay on course. You have a great head on your shoulders, continue what you need to do for yourself. Hard to make sense pf the actions of people that have little to no sense, obviously. Sorry that you have to deal with that.
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Thanks, CA123. Your words helped. Yeah I know... and I will try to let this go...... again. Even though I do want to send my mother a card saying in BLOCK letters: STOP TALKING TO MY EX!!!
I won’t. But the thought does feel good, even if for a passing moment.
I won’t. But the thought does feel good, even if for a passing moment.
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Originally Posted by LifeChangeNYC
Thanks, CA123. Your words helped. Yeah I know... and I will try to let this go...... again. Even though I do want to send my mother a card saying in BLOCK letters: STOP TALKING TO MY EX!!!
I won’t. But the thought does feel good, even if for a passing moment.
I won’t. But the thought does feel good, even if for a passing moment.
Aren't you just so relieved you are out of all that?
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Originally Posted by trailmix
California so you are still talking and seeing each other?
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