Tetrax

How bad is that? I still haven't gotten over how unmoored I've felt since I let it go.

I'm not going back - and there is no going back - but I have no light guiding me, well, anywhere.

I do not know what I want from life anymore.

Anyway sorry to be a downer, maybe it's just 'cause of NYE or whatever. Many days I'm feeling optimistic but it's just that something doesn't feel right, like deep within my core.

It's just a feeling I guess but I can't seem to shake it.

ShiftHappens

Its like any breakup from a dysfunctional relationship.

When you use something, alcohol, drugs, another person, to "fill up" a perceived lack in yourself, you become off keel

You have to learn to operate and give from the perspective of a WHOLE person, non dependent on externals.

Hope1989

Hey !

I think it is pretty normal. Not to mention for some reason days like NYE are always sort of emotional.

You'll be okay!

SoberRican

One day at a time my friend . it shall pass feel me. Yeah it sucks that we had to give up that I get it trust me it blows as@ . but we did it to ourselves . ✌

tomls

It took me quite a while to not miss drinking. That was what I did every day for many, many years. Here recently I have noticed that I don"t miss it at all any more. It kinda snuck up on me. Not smoking is still thought about sometimes when I am working on something. I quit both at the same time and I'm glad I did. I knew I was going to feel strange for a long time and I might as well fix it all! I don't know how long you have been sober but it takes a long time to fix something that is as messed up as bad as I was! Everyone is probably different but the same. Hang in there and best wishes for you on your journey!

VinnyMcM

I believe I know how you feel. My “feeling lost” is often boredom. My brain is so used to do everything with a buzz. I’m actively trying to relearn hobbies that I had when everything didn’t depend on booze. I’m also trying to find new hobbies. I am now exercising everyday no matter what and that has made a huge difference.

Day by day my brain is allowing me to find joy in my hobbies again and I know it’s only going to get better. Don’t give up. If this just isn’t the case for you, maybe see a therapist. Best of luck.

SunnyCoastK

D122y

It is fair to say the New Years Eve is the strongest crave time for me.

The whole holiday time, but man I will tell you that for the most part I have felt better than I have ever have in 50 years.

This is my 5th sober New Year and it has gotten better and better.

Knowing the ins and outs of addiction, thanks to SR and the www, has given my tracks to follow as I periodically get into a situation where I used to drink.

So far, it has mainly been 2 work parties where the bosses put money on the bar. I ended up getting a red bull once and a diet coke the other time. Neither are any good for me, but definitely better than a relapse.

This morning I felt it important to explain to my little family how some people are already drunk at 9 am. I elaborated how they might pass out and then start drinking again before the New Year. I caught myself almost envious of this.

I did this a few times in my life and I know that this is common for many of us booze addicts. That type of drinking cannot be maintained for long. Serious physical and mental damage occurs.

I am currently finishing my coffee from breakfast. I got in late last night from a show downtown. I was sort of seeing double because I drank a Rockstar energy drink to stay awake. Those things really mess me up. It is likely due to my new neural pathways I use from all the brain damage I did binge drinking.

Probably tmi, but that is how I stay clean. My wanna be ocd analysis.

By any means.

Thanks.

Tetrax

Thanks all. Yeah I think today's getting to me more than I thought it would. It's just kind of crept up on me. Alone on NYE. No idea where I'll be living from the end of Jan.

2020? I'm bricking it.

But hey, I'll be sober facing it.

Anna

It's not surprising that you are feeling emotional as this year comes to an end. The great thing is that 2019 is the year in which you began to live your sober and best life. I'm sorry for what's coming up for you at the end of January and I truly hope that you find a place to live.

least

This too shall pass.

HeadEast

Your post really impacted me Tetrax because I have had exactly the same problem. We are not alone. My psychiatrist has so many patients that are going through this that he recommends them to a psychologist to learn how to rebuild their lives without alcohol. There are some really good ideas here. I especially liked the one about Youtube. I hadn't thought of that one before.

Derringer

Feelings don't equal reality.

It's an important distinction to grasp when getting sober.

Primarily the reason we drank was to change the way we felt about our problems but in reality we were making those problems worse, ruining our health, our relationships, our jobs, our bank accounts ... the list goes on.

Sober, we have to stop and think about our feelings and try to not continue to let them lead us further into trouble.

Dee74

I'm sorry you feel unmoored. I felt exactly the same way a few years ago when I was looking at homelessness too.

Look into every option - there's a solution to your housing problem out there Tetrax.

D

lessgravity

I'm not sure how old you are Tetrax but that feeling is one I can relate to - and in some ways when it comes in my sober life, it now comes with even more intensity than it did when I was drinking. Like most thoughts and feelings, I do my best when I recognize the thought as just and only that - a thought - and I look into where it came, where it goes etc. The feeling fades eventually, at least in intensity.

And sometimes it doesn't. Just taking care of the task at hand, when the dread of meaning/purpose or direction sets in, can work too.

Thank you for the post. Relevant to some of how I'm feeling tonight. Happy New Year.

thomas11

It seems many of us have had the same feelings, including myself. Sometimes we can't figure it out, it just is what it is. I think that might be where you are at. Remain sober and mission accomplished for now.

teatreeoil007

Something that helps people who feel an "emptiness" and a void is to find out what your purpose in life is....perhaps this is what you're lacking...you don't know what your purpose is and you don't maybe even know where to start.

Sometimes I get the "ho-hums" too and sometimes I just get sick and tired of feeling sick and tired...it helps me to get out of my own head by focusing on helping others....

How can I help others? I've told myself to just open myself up to it....be present....make opportunities to really listen to others....there are a lot of people in this ole world who also feel sort of lost and unsure of their purpose.....they are out there perhaps waiting for a few kind words or just a listening ear....

I love working with the elderly. Their bodies are starting to fail them...I guess you could say....so many of them have learned to turn to things that don't fail them....they really care about others; not just about themselves....I find that to be a refreshing quality to be around....

There are many many folks who could use a good cheering up. I know a lady in my church who takes her dog to visit people in nursing homes and assisted living places.....she gets a lot of fulfillment from that...maybe look into these things...what do you have to offer? That is a searching question perhaps, but I know you must have something to offer.....

MythOfSisyphus

Hang in there, Tetrax! Recently I switched jobs which was a bit angsty. I'm in Montana, no family here and not a lot of friends in this area IRL. I'm a chef which is an ego-investment job; that's to say it's not so much an occupation or job so much as what I am, how I see myself. So leaving that chef job, and not knowing a lot of people except coworkers, I wonder who and what am I if not that? What am I doing? What am I here for? I guess since I took another chef job I'm just kicking the can down the road.

I'm sorry that I can't remember reading what your housing situation is. At least it sounds like you have a month to get something figured out. SR is about recovery so it's no surprise that I will say this but put recovery first. None of your other problems will be improved by being drunk.

Lastly it's not unusual to feel that way. When I first quit, after the physical symptoms and panic wore off, I felt this incredible feeling of relief, like a huge weight was taken off me. Over that sense of having miraculously escaped something began to fade a bit as I had to figure out what life was going to be about now that is wasn't about drinking. If drinking had filled my days and nights then simply not drinking wouldn't fill that time in the same way.

You will figure it out! It's just a process, Tetrax.

nez

When I first got sober, I had no idea what I wanted or who I was. I just knew that I definitely didn't want what I had when I was drinking prior to stopping.

Give yourself some time and be gentle with yourself. After my last relapse, even with prior times of non-drinking and attempts at sobriety, it seemed like like totally new and uncharted territory and I felt as though I had no map.

Gradually with time I became more comfortable with sobriety. When I became more comfortable with sobriety, I became more comfortable with me. When I became more comfortable with me, I became more comfortable around other people and the universe in general. With that, I found what I was always looking for all along.

Finally comfortable in my own skin, I developed a faith that things would be alright, even when they are not alright, because I know that is temporary as long as I stay the course.

Tetrax

Well I definitely feel better this side of NYE. Thanks everyone for your words. I've been struggling with purpose so I'm putting my thoughts into passions. I'm already getting back into indie rock which I left behind as I associated it with partying. But like literature - another passion of mine - it's art I can appreciate without being intoxicated. The art itself is intoxicating. I'm gonna try to appreciate that more this year, incorporate it more into my life and persona.

Normally today would be a day of sheer hell following the night before. Today it is not. Happy New Year x