It’s my fault!!
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Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 114
It’s my fault!!
Why is this the go to!!! Why??? Everything is always my fault. Why can they see nothing?? Pick a fight and it’s my fault. I walked wrong!! Stomping around!! Acting like a b**tch. I have heard that so much in the past few days. Cleaning house. Acting like a b**tch. Cooking supper. Acting like a b**tch. Breathing. Acting like a b**tch. This is your fault. You are doing this. You are gonna destroy us. That’s all I get. No responsibility what so ever.
again. I know the right answers. Just need to vent.
again. I know the right answers. Just need to vent.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
You...you....cleaned?? You cooked???? And now BREATHING???
I don’t know how you live with yourself!!!
Seriously, this is all kinds of wrong and I’m not at all suggesting it isn’t...but sometimes if you can laugh at something, it loses some of its power to hurt you.
Sending you a big fierce hug.
I don’t know how you live with yourself!!!
Seriously, this is all kinds of wrong and I’m not at all suggesting it isn’t...but sometimes if you can laugh at something, it loses some of its power to hurt you.
Sending you a big fierce hug.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 114
Originally Posted by Ariesagain 
You...you....cleaned?? You cooked???? And now BREATHING???
I don’t know how you live with yourself!!!
Seriously, this is all kinds of wrong and I’m not at all suggesting it isn’t...but sometimes if you can laugh at something, it loses some of its power to hurt you.
Sending you a big fierce hug.
I don’t know how you live with yourself!!!
Seriously, this is all kinds of wrong and I’m not at all suggesting it isn’t...but sometimes if you can laugh at something, it loses some of its power to hurt you.
Sending you a big fierce hug.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
oh trust me, deep down he knows where the problem lies. but to ADMIT that would mean he self-exposes his addiction and that just.can't.happen.
as long as you are there, you will be his target. he won't even have to get off the couch. if it wasn't you, it would be whoever is standing there at the sink. while it feels intensely personal - it is not. you just happen to be holding the mirror that he can't avoid looking into.
this does not have to be YOUR life. you know this. you simply need to take action. actionable steps that lead you right out the door. to a life where no one speaks to you with such disdain and disregard. EVER.
as long as you are there, you will be his target. he won't even have to get off the couch. if it wasn't you, it would be whoever is standing there at the sink. while it feels intensely personal - it is not. you just happen to be holding the mirror that he can't avoid looking into.
this does not have to be YOUR life. you know this. you simply need to take action. actionable steps that lead you right out the door. to a life where no one speaks to you with such disdain and disregard. EVER.
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Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 134
My favorite was I put the dishes away to loudly (huh)
And I wasn’t just acting like a b*tch...I got the title
SUPER b*tch 😉 Go big or go home right??
I’m glad you see it for what it is...quack quack quack
I am sorry for you that he’s acting this way....I wish I could say I’ve never heard it before. I wish I could say it’ll stop or AH will get better. That doesn’t sound like the case right now. Have you thought about taking a break? Even for a few days...
And I wasn’t just acting like a b*tch...I got the title
SUPER b*tch 😉 Go big or go home right??
I’m glad you see it for what it is...quack quack quack
I am sorry for you that he’s acting this way....I wish I could say I’ve never heard it before. I wish I could say it’ll stop or AH will get better. That doesn’t sound like the case right now. Have you thought about taking a break? Even for a few days...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 114
Originally Posted by FarmhouseGal
My favorite was I put the dishes away to loudly (huh)
And I wasn’t just acting like a b*tch...I got the title
SUPER b*tch 😉 Go big or go home right??
I’m glad you see it for what it is...quack quack quack
I am sorry for you that he’s acting this way....I wish I could say I’ve never heard it before. I wish I could say it’ll stop or AH will get better. That doesn’t sound like the case right now. Have you thought about taking a break? Even for a few days...
And I wasn’t just acting like a b*tch...I got the title
SUPER b*tch 😉 Go big or go home right??
I’m glad you see it for what it is...quack quack quack
I am sorry for you that he’s acting this way....I wish I could say I’ve never heard it before. I wish I could say it’ll stop or AH will get better. That doesn’t sound like the case right now. Have you thought about taking a break? Even for a few days...
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Virginia
Posts: 469
Clowery0508,
I'm sorry for the way you are being treated. Just know that you can come here and vent anytime you want. You can even if you want to breath, clean, stomp, cook, yell that it's not fair, and well just about anything you want and will never calls you names.
He does this to have an excuse to drink and to bring you down. He wants to keep in control of everything. That is the drunk way.
Keep being strong and I hope you have a better new year ahead.
I'm sorry for the way you are being treated. Just know that you can come here and vent anytime you want. You can even if you want to breath, clean, stomp, cook, yell that it's not fair, and well just about anything you want and will never calls you names.
He does this to have an excuse to drink and to bring you down. He wants to keep in control of everything. That is the drunk way.
Keep being strong and I hope you have a better new year ahead.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,254
I was going to vent/post on the same issue.
If the alcoholic can't find something he accuses or implies someone took it, threw it out or lost it. Forget that he's been a decades long A who only worries about his appearance/fashion lives like a freaking pig. Most people would use a drawer, box, container etc. He uses piles or even worse memory. For some reason he wants or assumes things will be in the same spot he last remembers it years if not decades ago. He accused family of losing or moving something and actually pointed out the location he left if DECADES ago. Long story short he found in a book case right by his old bed. Most recently family came across of his high school era stuff. He accused "someone" of going through it and taking the 'valuable' stuff. He didn't even know the box existed until he was told. He couldn't even give an inventory of the box.
It's always somebody else's fault and loves to point it out in a fast and loud fashion.
If the alcoholic can't find something he accuses or implies someone took it, threw it out or lost it. Forget that he's been a decades long A who only worries about his appearance/fashion lives like a freaking pig. Most people would use a drawer, box, container etc. He uses piles or even worse memory. For some reason he wants or assumes things will be in the same spot he last remembers it years if not decades ago. He accused family of losing or moving something and actually pointed out the location he left if DECADES ago. Long story short he found in a book case right by his old bed. Most recently family came across of his high school era stuff. He accused "someone" of going through it and taking the 'valuable' stuff. He didn't even know the box existed until he was told. He couldn't even give an inventory of the box.
It's always somebody else's fault and loves to point it out in a fast and loud fashion.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
I used to say I was sorry a million times a day. How can he fight with sorry. It just was easier then dealing with a drunk. They stop yelling (hopefully) and then move to the next thing they want to fight about.
You have choices in life. Maybe 2020 will be the year that you no longer have to take the abuse. Hang in there my friend, keep posting and venting. Life will get better, I promise!! Happy New Year!!
You have choices in life. Maybe 2020 will be the year that you no longer have to take the abuse. Hang in there my friend, keep posting and venting. Life will get better, I promise!! Happy New Year!!
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 133
clowery0508-I absolutely know what you're talking about! The other night, as we were laying in bed winding down for the night, I get the comment "I have 3 things that I need to talk to you about.". LOL. That means, he has 3 criticisms that I need to work on. He didn't make it beyond the first one because I was upset over that fact that it always seems to be ME. It's always what I do or what I don't do. I need to do this, I need to do that, I need to NOT do this or that. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. Instead, why don't you work on yourself for once and stop trying to project onto me.
You have to laugh sometimes, but also know that it does tend to chip away at our self esteem which is sad.
You have to laugh sometimes, but also know that it does tend to chip away at our self esteem which is sad.
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Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 195
I'm not sure why things have shifted, I think my AH has on some level realized he has a problem, but everything was always my fault. He drank because I needed to be more affectionate (who wants to cuddle with a drunk??), it was my fault he didn't have friends, I needed to stroke his ego more, and on and on. Now he just quietly drinks every night and pretty much leaves me alone. Better but still not the life I had hoped for.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Very rarely will you see an addict who accepts blame. They shift the blame on anything else and normally those closest to them so they can condone their own bad behavior without feeling the consequences.
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Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 51
Oh wow this is where I need to be now
My ex had a row with a mate on what’s app that turned out to be my fault ( I wasn’t even in the same room)
I need more wine and it’s your fault I can’t drive cos I’m stressed your have to take me to shop
We have a row that he starts the classic line after his called me a mug a bitch a wanker a c**** wel I ain’t done nothing wrong
keeps me up all night following me round the house as I’m trying to get some sleep between 2 rooms oh your miserable bitch why you moody ( 4am in the morning) I ain’t done nothing wrong you need to chill out
I can’t find my phone what you done with it like wtf don’t touch his phone oh it goes on and on they never ever say sorry they never ever say I was wrong so glad I’m out of this now !!!!
I need more wine and it’s your fault I can’t drive cos I’m stressed your have to take me to shop
We have a row that he starts the classic line after his called me a mug a bitch a wanker a c**** wel I ain’t done nothing wrong
keeps me up all night following me round the house as I’m trying to get some sleep between 2 rooms oh your miserable bitch why you moody ( 4am in the morning) I ain’t done nothing wrong you need to chill out
I can’t find my phone what you done with it like wtf don’t touch his phone oh it goes on and on they never ever say sorry they never ever say I was wrong so glad I’m out of this now !!!!
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