Hi ... again 👋
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 62
Hi ... again 👋
Hi,
I’m back (again) same person but different (ish) story. I need advice and help on how to do it differently this time.
Last time I wrote on here, I was wracked by guilt and shame. At some point since then I’ve managed to abstain for approximately 8 weeks. I’ve moderated since then and stopped drinking wine. I now drink bottles of beer and no shots when I’m out. But when I’m out I still have no “off switch” and I still can’t quit drinking daily. Even though it’s not drinking to crazy excess every day, it’s just a few bottles of beer - I can’t quite quit that habit.
I appreciate there’s people on here who drink daily and strong drinks daily so I’m sorry if this seems insignificant to some, but recently I’m believing that my general inertia maybe overcome by being able to control this - by that I mean not drinking daily, like this would help me not go out and get so drunk I black out.
I know I need a plan, but I don’t know what that looks like. If I’m honest I can’t come out and say I’m an alcoholic- I don’t even know if I am, but I know not being able to not have a drink is a problem. I also know not having an off switch is a problem.
My partner and I have a lifestyle crafted over a few drinks after work - daily (at home) and it’s habitual. How do I stop this. I was okay till mid afternoon today and then I caved. I’m not drunk but I couldn’t over power the voice in my head that said just a beer will be okay.
im venting a bit so sorry about that, but how do you overcome it the voice in your head - how do you distract yourself from it. If I can break the daily cycle then maybe I can overcome the drink cycle - which isn’t often - but is every time if that makes sense?
anyway I feel like I needed to get that off my chest so thanks for listening.
I’m back (again) same person but different (ish) story. I need advice and help on how to do it differently this time.
Last time I wrote on here, I was wracked by guilt and shame. At some point since then I’ve managed to abstain for approximately 8 weeks. I’ve moderated since then and stopped drinking wine. I now drink bottles of beer and no shots when I’m out. But when I’m out I still have no “off switch” and I still can’t quit drinking daily. Even though it’s not drinking to crazy excess every day, it’s just a few bottles of beer - I can’t quite quit that habit.
I appreciate there’s people on here who drink daily and strong drinks daily so I’m sorry if this seems insignificant to some, but recently I’m believing that my general inertia maybe overcome by being able to control this - by that I mean not drinking daily, like this would help me not go out and get so drunk I black out.
I know I need a plan, but I don’t know what that looks like. If I’m honest I can’t come out and say I’m an alcoholic- I don’t even know if I am, but I know not being able to not have a drink is a problem. I also know not having an off switch is a problem.
My partner and I have a lifestyle crafted over a few drinks after work - daily (at home) and it’s habitual. How do I stop this. I was okay till mid afternoon today and then I caved. I’m not drunk but I couldn’t over power the voice in my head that said just a beer will be okay.
im venting a bit so sorry about that, but how do you overcome it the voice in your head - how do you distract yourself from it. If I can break the daily cycle then maybe I can overcome the drink cycle - which isn’t often - but is every time if that makes sense?
anyway I feel like I needed to get that off my chest so thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 245
Hey there,
I think it is great that you are asking for advice. I think here you will get plenty of good feedback.
I do believe, however, that in order for you to get a plan, you need to sit down, make an honest assessment of yourself and realize what the problem is and what you want to achieve. It is hard for you to get a plan when you don't know the problem or the goal.
So, my advice will be to be honest with yourself, realize what the problem is (do it for yourself). And then, take it from there.
Great that you reach out.
I think it is great that you are asking for advice. I think here you will get plenty of good feedback.
I do believe, however, that in order for you to get a plan, you need to sit down, make an honest assessment of yourself and realize what the problem is and what you want to achieve. It is hard for you to get a plan when you don't know the problem or the goal.
So, my advice will be to be honest with yourself, realize what the problem is (do it for yourself). And then, take it from there.
Great that you reach out.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
Welcome!! I seriously doubt that you are going to find many people on this site that drink daily. Many of us have tried to moderate and found out it didn't work. I think the one thing you should give some thought to is the fact that you have posted on this site means you think you might have a problem. That is really significant. There will be others that will post about possible plans and such. They are better at that than I am. Best wishes to you and Happy New Year.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 62
Thanks both for the response, I guess I know it’s unusual to drink daily (no matter the volume) and I’m certainly looking for somewhere to lean on. I sort of know the problem - but I’m being a bit of a baby about it all.
thank-you for taking time out to reply
thank-you for taking time out to reply
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hi Merz
I tried to find the sweet spot where I could drink, feel satisfied but not drunk, feel good after & not feel bad about it or suffer bad consequences.
I never found that sweet spot because frankly it doesn't exist.
Once I start drinking I lose control and have no say in how much I drink or where I might end up.
The only way I found to initiate positive change in my life is to not drink at all.
If something is toxic in your life you don't have to tie yourself in knots to accommodate it. Get it out of there.
I remember a thread from you about having a month sober you sounded so joyous.
I think you should shoot for that again...and more.
D
I appreciate there’s people on here who drink daily and strong drinks daily so I’m sorry if this seems insignificant to some, but recently I’m believing that my general inertia maybe overcome by being able to control this - by that I mean not drinking daily, like this would help me not go out and get so drunk I black out.
I never found that sweet spot because frankly it doesn't exist.
Once I start drinking I lose control and have no say in how much I drink or where I might end up.
The only way I found to initiate positive change in my life is to not drink at all.
If something is toxic in your life you don't have to tie yourself in knots to accommodate it. Get it out of there.
I remember a thread from you about having a month sober you sounded so joyous.
I think you should shoot for that again...and more.
D
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Hey merz, I was about to suggest trying a month sober to see how that feels for you. I guess you did that.
Mind if I ask why you decided to pick up again?
Please don't trivialize your own struggles. We don't play the comparison game around here. I'd dare say most of us struggled with the notion of being alcoholic, though most people would agree that lacking an off-switch and drinking to black-out would fit the bill.
The one thing you definitely won't get assistance with is how to successfully moderate - not a one of us knows how to do that. Hence the "Sober" in the title of the site.
O
Mind if I ask why you decided to pick up again?
Please don't trivialize your own struggles. We don't play the comparison game around here. I'd dare say most of us struggled with the notion of being alcoholic, though most people would agree that lacking an off-switch and drinking to black-out would fit the bill.
The one thing you definitely won't get assistance with is how to successfully moderate - not a one of us knows how to do that. Hence the "Sober" in the title of the site.
O
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Hi Merz. All of what you report and express suspicion that we will understand - we understand all of it. We have all lived it. The thing with this thing is that moderation just doesn't work. If you don't like the word "alcoholic" then don't use it. Call it a One-Legged-Georgian-Duck if you like. But what it all means is that what you are going through is a downward progression that ends in misery and suffering. You seem to still have a tenuous grip on all of it and that means so much damage can be avoided if you quit now. I am 54 and living in Day 40 sober for the first time in over 3 decades. Trust the collective here and quit now.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
Hi Merz,
It sounds like you want to stop and have done so before. For me, the actual steps of stopping were to just stop. The first day I had to drag myself through, sometimes one second at a time. I cleaned my house from top to bottom as a distraction. It was hard but I got through that day, then the next, and so on. I’m now at 18 months. The first step is to not take that first drink....you can do it.
It sounds like you want to stop and have done so before. For me, the actual steps of stopping were to just stop. The first day I had to drag myself through, sometimes one second at a time. I cleaned my house from top to bottom as a distraction. It was hard but I got through that day, then the next, and so on. I’m now at 18 months. The first step is to not take that first drink....you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 205
It’s instead possible if you quit drinking daily that when you go out you’ll just ramp up to black out phase faster. I didn’t drink daily and semi-controlled my drinking by limiting the amount of alcohol on hand. I too have no off switch. If I had to go longer than usual without alcohol I’d be craving it so much I’d just get more wasted when I finally could drink.
I tried all sorts of moderation and some periods of time quitting. Couldn’t imagine life without alcohol and definitely didn’t want to call myself an alcoholic. Here I am now a recovering alcoholic with over two years sobriety. Quitting drinking was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. Everything alcohol told me why I couldn’t or shouldn’t quit were complete lies.
I tried all sorts of moderation and some periods of time quitting. Couldn’t imagine life without alcohol and definitely didn’t want to call myself an alcoholic. Here I am now a recovering alcoholic with over two years sobriety. Quitting drinking was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. Everything alcohol told me why I couldn’t or shouldn’t quit were complete lies.
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