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I have regrets about what I have done.

Old 12-30-2019, 09:04 AM
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I have regrets about what I have done.

I see my other thread got rightfully closed. I am not going to dwell on the bad stuff but will provide a perspective. I come from a mean and feisty family, disgustingly so. I also survived in the vicious small business world of blue collar work. It can be salty. Is it an excuse, of course not.

The only thing I will say in my defense is that I have a feeling a few of you here might have done something similar if you were in my shoes. And if its any consolation it wasn't as b ad as I made it out to be. He had to go get patched up, doesn't remember anything and on we go....sort of.

Quoting Dee "the last time you were in this state you broke both legs and lost your business". Bingo.

And as a result of that I went on this journey of expanding my thinking and perspective and get out of the little universe of small business ownership and family fighting. And what I found was wonderful. A world where love, kindness, peace and friendship were so much more rewarding that winning a fight, and much easier to accomplish. I think people are inherently good, and I was raised that people are inherently bad. SO WRONG. That is my biggest disappointment right now....I did not live by the creed I want to help grow. Kindness and to hurt no one nor anything.

I'm a little unsure where to turn for help but I am going to start with a therapist as opposed to a psychologist or psychiatrist. We have located a therapist nearby and I will be going to see them and end of week if I can get in. Otherwise first available appointment. I've created a document so I can be thorough with what is at the core of my anger. I don't want to forget anything.

For anyone new here and still reading this post. I almost lost everything while being a drunk. I got sobered up and tackled some pretty tough things head on. I ended up completely out of debt, new house and two new cars and all kinds of goodness. Now I am slipping back and its going absolutely the wrong direction. Take it for what you will, its the truth.
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Old 12-30-2019, 09:07 AM
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I think it's great you are going to see a therapist. When I see my psychiatrist I always take a document in so I don't forget anything. I think it's a great idea. My psychiatrist has given me the name of a therapist he would like me to see.
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Old 12-30-2019, 09:48 AM
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Jeff, you were going through all of these things at the same time I was getting sober. I remember the tumultuous posts that summer that you broke your legs. It was nice to have someone else to talk to who also had a small business. I also got out of debt, just bought a new house earlier this year and turned my life around. I am over 1000+ days sober right now with help from people on this forum like yourself.

I am glad to see your looking for help to keep on the positive path. Please let me know how I can help.
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Old 12-30-2019, 10:57 AM
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Simply learn from this bro x
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Old 12-30-2019, 11:11 AM
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Hi Jeff,

I’m glad you’re back posting, and that you’re going to a therapist. Have you been able to stay sober?
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Old 12-30-2019, 12:50 PM
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I'm glad to hear from you Jeff, and that you are taking action to deal with the anger.

I also have had to do lots of work on my own core issue of anger, and like you grew up in a "salty" family situation. I have found that dealing with those bottled up emotions and letting them go for good has been key to not only sobriety but peace in my life.

I'm still very much a work in progress--just now headed for my six month sober count after my last (and I mean last) relapse in June--but I finally feel like I can get past the Past and into the Present.

Then the Future will take care of itself. . .
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Old 12-30-2019, 01:23 PM
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I'm glad you're going to see a therapist. Might be just what you need.
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Old 12-30-2019, 01:55 PM
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I'm glad you're seeing a therapist Jeff.

I also come from a family where, in the extended family at least, things were settled by violence, and power established by the fear of violence.

I made a choice many years ago that was not to be the model for my conduct or my masculinity.

I hope you can find peace understanding and reconciliation Jeff and lay a few old demons to rest.

For the record tho, in the bold bit - he's not wrong but you're quoting Scott not me.

D
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Old 12-30-2019, 02:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I'm glad you're seeing a therapist Jeff.

I also come from a family where, in the extended family at least, things were settled by violence, and power established by the fear of violence.

I made a choice many years ago that was not to be the model for my conduct or my masculinity.

I hope you can find peace understanding and reconciliation Jeff and lay a few old demons to rest.

For the record tho, in the bold bit - he's not wrong but you're quoting Scott not me.

D
Scott, my apologies. Honest mistake.
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Old 12-30-2019, 02:18 PM
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Good to see that post Jeff.

Not intentionally but our families screw us up as kids and before we know it we are behaving the same way as adults that they did.

A third party like a therapist can get us to the right perspective on our issues so it's good that your going to be seeing one and for what it's worth I reckon a therapist is the right choice.

Good luck.
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Old 12-30-2019, 02:29 PM
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Jeff, I have been where you are. Arrested on Christmas Eve 9 years ago for fighting my brother. He physically abused me and my sister when we were defenseless children and he had already gone through puberty. 6'2" 15 year old vs a 5 foot 12 year old me and 10 year old sister.

I got my revenge years later when I grew up to be 6'2" and 220 lbs. He tried to 'scold' me about something to do with tracking in snow into my parents' house. Not his house. He never left.

I tackled him to the ground because he stepped up to me thinking he still had 'dominance' and could intimidate me. He was crying to my mom to call the police within 3 seconds. He hasn't spoken to me since. He is a scared little bully.

However, although I was arrested and slept in a jail cell on Christmas Eve. There were no charges or anything. I could have hurt him badly. But I stopped. Yes, he deserved it 100 percent. Violence is never a solution to violence.

You have my support. 10 days sober myself. No judgement here.
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Old 12-30-2019, 02:32 PM
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Old 12-30-2019, 06:29 PM
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Jeff, I am one of the folks who really went after you on your last post. I don't know what to say yet as I am still confused about your post. But I am new here and still learning and am open. I am still struggling with what you did but I also know that all of us have sinned so much and committed crimes that we didn't get caught at, and yet we are all still here. I drove hammered drunk with my tiny kids in my car hundreds of times. My crimes are not different than yours. Anyway I apologize for my high-handedness.
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Old 12-30-2019, 07:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Wastinglife View Post
Jeff, I have been where you are. Arrested on Christmas Eve 9 years ago for fighting my brother. He physically abused me and my sister when we were defenseless children and he had already gone through puberty. 6'2" 15 year old vs a 5 foot 12 year old me and 10 year old sister.

I got my revenge years later when I grew up to be 6'2" and 220 lbs. He tried to 'scold' me about something to do with tracking in snow into my parents' house. Not his house. He never left.

I tackled him to the ground because he stepped up to me thinking he still had 'dominance' and could intimidate me. He was crying to my mom to call the police within 3 seconds. He hasn't spoken to me since. He is a scared little bully.

However, although I was arrested and slept in a jail cell on Christmas Eve. There were no charges or anything. I could have hurt him badly. But I stopped. Yes, he deserved it 100 percent. Violence is never a solution to violence.

You have my support. 10 days sober myself. No judgement here.
Can't say I blame you, but yes....violence is never the answer. Congrats on your 10 days.
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Old 12-30-2019, 07:44 PM
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Originally Posted by Surrendered19 View Post
Jeff, I am one of the folks who really went after you on your last post. I don't know what to say yet as I am still confused about your post. But I am new here and still learning and am open. I am still struggling with what you did but I also know that all of us have sinned so much and committed crimes that we didn't get caught at, and yet we are all still here. I drove hammered drunk with my tiny kids in my car hundreds of times. My crimes are not different than yours. Anyway I apologize for my high-handedness.
No need to apologize to me, this is a global community and we come from different backgrounds and cultures etc....

To add to my earlier post, one thing I try not to do is pass judgement on others as I have never walked in their shoes.
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Old 12-30-2019, 10:57 PM
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I think you're on the right track, Jeff. Screwing up is part of living but we have to be able to learn from those screwups. Many of us had problems that we covered up with booze; getting sober is just half the batter. We have to face all the things we spent our drunk lives hiding from.

I'm glad you're back and taking steps to get right.
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Old 12-31-2019, 09:38 AM
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Thanks for this thread, Jeff.

You know, every single one of us has things in our past we need to deal with and put to rest. It's not an easy thing to get over being exposed to a lot of turmoil, anger, violence....those kinds of things seem to linger on long long after they rightfully should. Sometimes, it takes a few generations even to root some of those things from history out.

I think it takes a lot of forgiveness and time to heal....healing can take a lot of time and work on our part with help from others...we all heal differently....and we cannot fully heal if the scabs keep being ripped off or if the wounds are just covered up to fester and become infected. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know....hang in there and here's to healing. Happy New Year.
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Old 12-31-2019, 09:45 AM
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Interesting thread. Not sure what you are saying. Blue-colour violence? I guess that can’t be a generalisation.
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Old 12-31-2019, 12:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Callas View Post
Interesting thread. Not sure what you are saying. Blue-colour violence? I guess that can’t be a generalisation.
When I worked in the corporate world I wore clean clothes and a starched and ironed shirt. Any friction what so ever was a passive aggressive comment in some point in the day.

Blue collar: I started my own landscaping company and through the years I had to break up fights between my own damn employees. That's what I meant by blue collar salty-ness.
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Old 12-31-2019, 12:56 PM
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I come from a family of steelworkers. See my avatar. Molten metal being ladled from a crucible. Iron ore. I could mould my own lead sinkers (for fishing) by the time I was five. Only telling you this so you don't think it's only men who can work in heavy metal.

Got a bit confused about your generalisation of 'blue collar' workers too, because we attended every peace rally in town.

I don't apologise Thomas11. I could only base my response on what you said happened, and it was brutal.

I am glad you are going to see a therapist though, and hope you gain some lasting benefit. The world is not going to continue to turn with violence as its axis.
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