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New Years Eve and beyond (support)

Old 12-30-2019, 07:34 AM
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New Years Eve and beyond (support)

I took my last drink of alcohol on October 31st 2018, at 11:57pm. I still recall with clarity the shame, guilt, self-hatred, and anxiety I was feeling. Although it has been 425 days since then, it feels so close.

Last year on New Year’s EVE (NYE), I felt alone, down in the dumps, and very unsure of myself. I choose to sit at home while my wife and family went to a NYE party with our close friends/family. These were the same friends I used to drink with, and at this point no one really knew I wasn’t drinking. I had 61 days under my belt and to anyone else taking notice, it really had just come off as me “just not being around lately”, not some dramatic quest for sobriety.

The first 2 months were tough, and I choose to isolate myself socially. This was in my best interest. It was not a choice to seclude myself due to depression, rather I just needed time away to assess my situation and where I was heading. So I took step back from hanging out with friends. But NYE was to be the first time gathering with those old friends. I was nervous and so I stayed home…until later in the evening,

My family left and so I had the house to myself. I enjoyed it at first, starting a new Netflix series and binge watching for a while. But then I became saddened by the fact I wasn’t with my friends and family. I started to drift into thoughts of “why me, why this, what did I do to get here”. I even started to contemplate drinking. It would be so easy. It’s NYE! Of course, just go and drink with your friends one more time. It will be the last time for sure and you can wake up tomorrow and start this sober thing over. I mean, January 1 is the best time start something new anyways. I told myself it wouldn’t even really be a “relapse” because being NYE I was destined to drink anyways and starting fresh on Jan 1 is what everyone does.

I had literally talked myself into drinking and had provided all the appropriate excuses to do so. But something happened. I reached out.

I posted here on Sober Recovery and gained several responses. Almost immediately I became grounded and realized my decision making was skewed. But one person in particular responded in such detail that resonated with me to the core. That person spoke to me. I felt relief, encouragement, strength, and realized for the first time in 61 days…I wasn’t alone. I know I had posted on SR before and I certainly didn’t think I belonged to some super special elite group, but up to this point I didn’t have a connection with anyone who was sober. Up to this point, I was alone.

After reading several posts and having some back and forth conversation, I felt different. I decided to head over to the party and visit my friends. I stayed for just the right amount of time to socialize (45min to be exact). Nothing more. I was offered a drink and I declined. Only 1 person asked why, and I just said “I’m good” …no further questions. No one really cared. My good buddy joked with me a bit and I wouldn’t have expected or wanted anything less. Going to this party was the first sober socialization. It was a huge step forward. But I had a strength prior to going in. I couldn’t have done it without a strong mind and a game plan. I didn’t stay past what I believed to be just the right amount of time. I left when I needed to. I went with a purpose, not to just stand around without reason. It was the perfect social appearance.

The next day I awoke with a feeling I hadn’t experienced in years. I felt encouragement and believed in myself. I awoke sober…and best of all, I was starting a new year with 62 days sober.

It’s ok to be solitary, but not alone. I want people to know that. But as the evolution of sobriety takes hold, you will not be alone. People reach out, and one day you will reach out to others. So if you’re concerned about NYE or feeling “left out” or whatever it might be, I urge you to post on this thread. Reach out. DO NOT have the mindset that Jan 1 is ok to start over.
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Old 12-30-2019, 07:46 AM
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News Years Eve - stay home!

A guy I used to drink with told me once that New Years eve was the best night of the year to stay home. Amateur drunks on the road he said. I always agreed. I have no desire to whoop it up on New Years eve anymore. Just sit back, watch the ball drop and go to bed. Boring? You bet. But no hangover on January 1!
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Old 12-30-2019, 07:48 AM
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Hey friend good timing on that. Cause I'm gonna keep it real this gonna be my first attempt having a sober NYE I have a little sober sober time under my belt 240 days to be exact. So I have made it thru most of the holidays. But this is the big one feel me? For normal drinkers its good for . for someone like me I'm not a normal drinker nor would I ever be. I earned them stripes. I accept that. So that said I just have to turn it up a notch feel me. Keep doing what I'm doing now and not give that thought free rent in my head. And I'll be aight. ✌
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Old 12-30-2019, 07:53 AM
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What an awesome post!!! I'll keep that and read it again. One thing that is going to keep me sober tomorrow is my commitment to be on this site a bunch tomorrow and in the coming days to support people who will try to stop with the coming of the new year. Living in Day 40 here. Every day is a record for me. I haven't been sober 40 days in well over 3 decades.
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Old 12-30-2019, 08:33 AM
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Originally Posted by Surrendered19 View Post
Living in Day 40 here. Every day is a record for me. I haven't been sober 40 days in well over 3 decades.
This is your time! Congrats on the 40.
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Old 12-30-2019, 10:35 AM
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I will be lucky to make it to 10pm if I am home. Dh and I have a small transportation company, off sets expenses from the farm and me giving up my accounting company/firm. We aren't as busy through the winter so we contract with another company to plow roads. We have an old dump truck for hauling aggregate and because dh likes driving dumps lol, so in October we slap the plow on it, the magnets for the company we contract with and have 2 city routes. They take 12 hours to plow, 8 to just sand. Depending on dh's hours this week, I might have to go out 😂 Not for long, but he can only drive 13 hours, add lunch and breaks and he can only be out 15 hours before someone has to relieve him for 8 hours. We have a driver who runs it, usually for aggregate and plowing but it is the holidays. We had a small ice storm here, so I do have today off, but everything starts back with a vengeance for me on the 2nd! Maybe step son will come home after hockey on NYE and relieve dad if necessary.
Lots of us around New Years, lots of us sober. Lots of us grabbing extra sleep on a week night!
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Old 12-30-2019, 04:19 PM
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Thanks so much for sharing that jimmyJlover - fantastic post.

I was never much of a go out guy on NYE...but I appreciate that FOMO (fear of missing out) is strong on nights like these.

I'm on my 13th sober NYE - 13 years of not blacking out, not embracing oblivion, not running away from reality,

I miss nothing these days
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Old 12-30-2019, 05:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Jim1958 View Post
A guy I used to drink with told me once that New Years eve was the best night of the year to stay home. Amateur drunks on the road he said. I always agreed. I have no desire to whoop it up on New Years eve anymore. Just sit back, watch the ball drop and go to bed. Boring? You bet. But no hangover on January 1!
Same. For many years I was a daily drinker. Often hit the bar on the way home from work. But I never went out on big "party" nights. Even as a youngster I knew that was a bad idea. More drunks on the road, way more cops on the road, DUI check points, etc. And I never needed a day or occasion to drink anyway, so I never saw the point in NYE celebration anyway.
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Old 12-30-2019, 11:58 PM
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My first introduction to New Years Eve was when I was a small child. It seemed like a wonderful idea. I got to stay up so late that it became the next day, and even the next year, although that seemed of lesser importance. In addition, you got to make noise in the middle of the night. My dad rolled an empty 50 gal oil drum out to the front of the house. The top had been removed, and we beat on it with a hammer, until a couple of the neighbors shouted at us because they were trying to sleep.

Later, when I was part of the workforce, I liked New Years because it was an official day off from work. I never quite understood the day off, when the celebration seemed to happen the day before. I guess it was because everyone would be nursing hangovers and not be worth having around the shop when work was to be done.

It's a strange thing to celebrate the passing of time, even a new year. Other than some arbitrary date on the calendar, there's not much reason to do anything different. Perhaps it's important because the planet has completed one full revolution around the sun, but that happens every day of the year. A revolution has no identifiable beginning. The Big Bang didn't occur on Jan 1st as far as I know, and the Earth didn't suddenly start revolving on Jan 1st. But I always enjoy a day off from work, except now I'm retired, so I kind of miss out on the one important aspect of the holiday.

Bah Humbug!
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Old 12-31-2019, 08:38 AM
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last year i went to a sober nye party and i loved it its for people who are in recovery last year was brillant this year should be the same missed most of the christmas party as i was feeling anxous hopefully i will be ok my husband will be with me
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Old 12-31-2019, 10:44 AM
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I have not been a big New Years Eve drinking celebrant for many many many moons and suns. So, for me, luckily I don't usually associate New Years with drinking. But, I know it's a big excuse for many folks to drink and another reason this time of year can be very precarious for those trying not to drink. Growing up we usually had outdoor parties for New Years that didn't involve alcohol...sledding, skating, snowmobiling, bonfires, cookouts,homemade chili and hot chocolate, followed by games and playing with new Christmas toys. Staying active is a big part of my recovery.
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Old 12-31-2019, 11:55 AM
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Great post jimmy.
Happy New year
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Old 12-31-2019, 02:24 PM
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Inspiring post Jimmy!
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Old 01-01-2020, 05:08 AM
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Originally Posted by DriGuy View Post
My first introduction to New Years Eve was when I was a small child. It seemed like a wonderful idea. I got to stay up so late that it became the next day, and even the next year, although that seemed of lesser importance. In addition, you got to make noise in the middle of the night. My dad rolled an empty 50 gal oil drum out to the front of the house. The top had been removed, and we beat on it with a hammer, until a couple of the neighbors shouted at us because they were trying to sleep.

Later, when I was part of the workforce, I liked New Years because it was an official day off from work. I never quite understood the day off, when the celebration seemed to happen the day before. I guess it was because everyone would be nursing hangovers and not be worth having around the shop when work was to be done.

It's a strange thing to celebrate the passing of time, even a new year. Other than some arbitrary date on the calendar, there's not much reason to do anything different. Perhaps it's important because the planet has completed one full revolution around the sun, but that happens every day of the year. A revolution has no identifiable beginning. The Big Bang didn't occur on Jan 1st as far as I know, and the Earth didn't suddenly start revolving on Jan 1st. But I always enjoy a day off from work, except now I'm retired, so I kind of miss out on the one important aspect of the holiday.

Bah Humbug!
Time doesn't exist, it is humanely created. The universe is cyclical, but it's us humans that have created the idea of it being linear. You are absolutely correct that a revolution has no identifiable beginning. The calendar is a mark of measurement that allows humans to attach feelings of reality. These planets have been here long before me, and will remain long after me. I am merely a speck of matter, hopeful to create bountiful energy in this whole project

Ok....now that we've covered physics, LOL.

Happy New Year DriGuy! I always love your posts. Inspiring to others and that is what counts.
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