dizzybee

I'm writing here because I don't know where else to vent right now. The sum of it: my spouse confessed to me 2 weeks ago that he's addicted to opiates and he was going through withdrawals so badly that I didn't know what to do. We panicked and I took him to a medical detox rehab. I've never seen him or anybody acting the way he did. It was painfully obvious that he was feeling the symptoms. His behaviors cemented the words that were coming out of his mouth - he was telling me he's an addict. I still can't believe that happened, that this is all happening.

This is f***ing with my own drinking. I want to hide and numb and cry and drown. So of course I've been turning to that old ally, booze. I know it's so wrong and so messed up, that he's in a rehab and I'm sitting here drinking wine to cope. Alone. I know when he comes out of rehab it will mean big change at home, and I'm honestly ok with that. But I feel so dumb for missing all the signs. I found a million reasons why he was cranky or never had money. But I never thought to ask if it was something more.

I guess I'm feeling alone in this stupid sickness, the way addiction has put its claws in me and my family. Me, so drunk I didn't know how to notice what he was going through. Him, so high (I guess) that he wasn't paying attention to or just didn't seem to care about my binge drinking.

Nothing to ask for right now, just venting. I'm embarrassed and ashamed and feeling pretty alone in this. I keep waiting to wake up from a nightmare but the truth is I helped build this nightmare. I hate that part of me for being so willing.

Prayers for all who are suffering. This beast of addiction is scarier and more insidious than even I ever imagined. And I knew it was big. It's been stealing my life.

Thank you for letting me vent.

Awake61

Thank you for sharing. I feel it is freeing to get it out.

Steely

Hi dizzy.

It's good that your spouse has gotten himself into detox. I hope he takes up on a life that is drug free. I know he won't regret it, and nor will you.

It's of no importance now, that you "didn't see the signs". You've seen them now, and he's been honest with you.

Time now to work on your own sobriety dizzy.

Keep posting here and maybe join the December Class. It's for people who quit in December, 19. I joined and it's helping a lot.

Booze is not your allie dizzy. You will find true allies here.

Hope to see you there.

Dee74

Hi dizzybee

I don;t think you're stupid.

One of the hallmarks of addiction is we try and keep it a secret. Heck, even if you had known, no one else can 'make' an addict stop til they're ready - I'm sure you know that.

Your husband is doing the work he;s meant to be doing. This could be a great time, and opportunity, for you to start your recovery journey too?

D