karenjean

I needed to reach out.....I have been having a lot of problems staying sober.....I quit for 3 months then my life went haywire......I did as all drinkers do is turn back to the bottle.....I have been on a tetter-totter for 10 months now and want off......I do see a psychologist but it is so easy to lie to her as to myself and husband.....I want so bad to stay clean but just can't seem to get it out of my mind......I feel sad, then drink, then feel better, then feel guilty...….I was embarrassed to come back to site but realize that talking and reading posts can and will help...….tx for any suggestions you may have for me...….

SoberRican

Coming here is a good thing. So lets get them sober muscles in shape. Gonna take a little work on your end. Starting now lets make it Day one .worry about today. Dont drink. .

FreeOwl

I went to a meeting for the first time in a long time yesterday to pick up my 6 year coin.

It brought back the importance of those meetings - especially in the early days, weeks, months, years. And it helped me to see that even now, 6 years on, my slacking off on at least going to a meeting now and again is impacting me negatively.... or at least, I can see that the things I'm missing by not making time for meetings are a sacrifice I ought not make.

Anyway - my suggestion; get yourself a community of sober people and get to meetings. You can lie to your counselor but sitting in a room with a group of alcoholics and addicts on a regular basis - you can't hide the truth from yourself.

AAPJ

I get why one might lie to their spouse or other family member. Not saying I approve but I understand. But why lie to your psychologist? They have an obligation of confidentiality and you are the one paying them. In this case you are only hurting yourself.

Formy2boys2

Guilt and sadness is a huge trigger for me as well. Lying makes sense to us because it protects the little bit of dignity we have. We want to be able to do it by ourself and get frustrated when we can't. unfortunately, we only hurt ourselves. So proud of you for reaching out! That is a huge step.
I hope we can be an outlet to help you find peace and confidence. Please keep posting. We are here for you.
You can do this!

VinnyMcM

This really stood out to me. Because this was me. I didn’t start healing until I became completely honest with my wife on my drinking habits. I also sent a group text to ~50 of my close friends and family. It was very humbling but it saved my life. Every single one of those people responded with positive reinforcement.

Important thing is you took the first step again by admitting you have a problem. Even admitting it to strangers is a big deal and not easy.

HeadEast

This is exactly what I was thinking.

Surrendered19

Is this your Day 1 Karenjean? Let's get you to Day 4 and start the new year and the new decade of the Roaring 20's with 4 sober days under your belt, clear headed and calm and back on your healthy road. Can you stay sober today? My twisted alcoholic mind always made fun of the simplicity of the one-day-at-a-time approach, but my sober mind now realizes it is beautiful in its simplicity. That is all you need to do - stay sober today.

Delilah1

Welcome back KarenJean!

theVman31

Welcome back KarenJean,
Please dont be embarrassed.
Most of us have already been there and back (several times)
Is this day 1 so Karen ?
Do you have alcohol in your home ?
As said above wouldnt it be great to start 2020 with a few sober days...
Keep going and posting

DriGuy

It seems most alcoholics, at least those of us who come here, can't simply stop drinking on our own. Addiction is a rather serious business. It wouldn't be given a passing thought if everyone could just walk away. When you get to the point where you are now, and the rest of us have been, it's the beginning of recovery. Wanting out is the beginning, but that doesn't just happen naturally.

For me, I had to come to grips with the reality that I could not control my drinking. I did not know that the solution was to quit drinking forever. I had to learn that from others. Then I wanted to be the exception to the rule, and be first alcoholic who could learn to control his drinking. I thought if I did, I would stop being an alcoholic, and that's probably true, except for the one undeniable fact that it was impossible.

Being around others who had solved the same problem I had was where I learned how to do it. Well, that and a lot of painful experimenting with things that didn't work. But then one day you grab onto your seat with white knuckles and make it through a few days of unbearable craving. You begin to feel better, feel well, and feel normal. You feel cured so you drink again ready to start a new life as a cured alcoholic. Now this is the critical part. You pick yourself up and quit again. Once you learn that you are never cured and commit to never drinking again, you are in actual recovery. You learn you can never be cured, but abstinence will put you in remission, and that is your goal for the rest of your life. And contrary to what you think, it's a very good life, far better than you thought it would be when you struggled to avoid giving it up for good.