What's your plan?
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
What's your plan?
I saw this post from Dee in the Newcomers to Recovery forum and think it can apply to F&F as well.
It's been said on this forum often - hope is not a plan. I think it's important to make a plan. Set firm boundaries for yourself.
Where do you see yourself 6 months from now? What are your boundaries on that? What changes will you make (if any)? Are you stuck, if so why? How can you change that?
The alternative is to just drift through years in an alcoholic relationship, never seeing what else might be out there for you. Not thinking about your happiness and well being.
It's been said on this forum often - hope is not a plan. I think it's important to make a plan. Set firm boundaries for yourself.
Where do you see yourself 6 months from now? What are your boundaries on that? What changes will you make (if any)? Are you stuck, if so why? How can you change that?
The alternative is to just drift through years in an alcoholic relationship, never seeing what else might be out there for you. Not thinking about your happiness and well being.
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Not being a driver when I first got my mobility scooter it was tough to learn how to manoeuvre and I 'stacked it' a time or two..
luckily I had a friend who was a professional stunt driver for many years.
He told me - keep your eyes not directly in front of you, but on the middle distance- you need to know whats coming up in order to stay safe and avoid accidents.
I often think that's useful advice for recovery too.
We get caught up in the immediate...or we leap so far ahead that all we can do is get bogged in our fears of what might happen...
Sometimes I think we forget to look ahead...make plans, take evasive action, stay safe/sober.
Maybe today or over the weekend, just take a moment...think about the middle distance for a little.
Whats coming up in your eyeline?
D
luckily I had a friend who was a professional stunt driver for many years.
He told me - keep your eyes not directly in front of you, but on the middle distance- you need to know whats coming up in order to stay safe and avoid accidents.
I often think that's useful advice for recovery too.
We get caught up in the immediate...or we leap so far ahead that all we can do is get bogged in our fears of what might happen...
Sometimes I think we forget to look ahead...make plans, take evasive action, stay safe/sober.
Maybe today or over the weekend, just take a moment...think about the middle distance for a little.
Whats coming up in your eyeline?
D
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Hi trailmix,
Thank you for this! It's a great way to kick things off as we get ready to enter a new year.
Hope: this is my plan. The road ahead of me paved smooth by prayer, meditation, new actions, enlarging my comfort zones, being around recovery communities, actively implementing my daily recovery program and allowing myself room to enjoy life in healthy ways. This can look like many things, hence hope, prayer and meditation being centrally important.
#onedayatatime
Thank you for this! It's a great way to kick things off as we get ready to enter a new year.
Hope: this is my plan. The road ahead of me paved smooth by prayer, meditation, new actions, enlarging my comfort zones, being around recovery communities, actively implementing my daily recovery program and allowing myself room to enjoy life in healthy ways. This can look like many things, hence hope, prayer and meditation being centrally important.
#onedayatatime
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
6 months from now?
Goals:
To be enjoying life fully.
Tent camp for as long as I like in extremely beautiful places.
Watch movies that add value to my life at home and at my favorite theaters.
Kayak often.
Have a fabulous vacation with DS13 that's educational, inspiring and extremely healthy.
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
https://youtu.be/2zNSgSzhBfM
Goals:
To be enjoying life fully.
Tent camp for as long as I like in extremely beautiful places.
Watch movies that add value to my life at home and at my favorite theaters.
Kayak often.
Have a fabulous vacation with DS13 that's educational, inspiring and extremely healthy.
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
https://youtu.be/2zNSgSzhBfM
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Trailmix,
Thanks for Sharing.... Love Dee!! I agree we need to have short and long term goals.
Six month goal..
I hope to have a job that I have been trying to get, making enough money to put a little away for my retirement.
I will be working from home and hope to be able to adopt a dog from a shelter. I work long hours so can't have a buddy now.
Will see what happens, but fingers crossed.
Happy New Year!!
Thanks for Sharing.... Love Dee!! I agree we need to have short and long term goals.
Six month goal..
I hope to have a job that I have been trying to get, making enough money to put a little away for my retirement.
I will be working from home and hope to be able to adopt a dog from a shelter. I work long hours so can't have a buddy now.
Will see what happens, but fingers crossed.
Happy New Year!!
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Happy New Year, trailmix and maia1234!
DS (now 13) and I watched Jumanji, The Next Level and Spies In Disguise at a theater with super comfortable recliners while I was visiting, before Christmas and Christmas day.
Today, after devoting time for meditation, self-care and prayer, I was inspired to install the Movies Anywhere app. I'm watching Rise Of The Guardians. I like this synopsis someone wrote about it:
The film has a message but is not preachy, showing how we should never stop believing in good, no matter what the odds.
It applies to all three of these movies. I appreciate the connections, made easy.
Thank you, again, trailmix. It feels really good to have a goal and see the small steps I can take in allowing bigger things coming together.
Originally Posted by Mango212
Watch movies that add value to my life at home and at my favorite theaters.
Today, after devoting time for meditation, self-care and prayer, I was inspired to install the Movies Anywhere app. I'm watching Rise Of The Guardians. I like this synopsis someone wrote about it:
The film has a message but is not preachy, showing how we should never stop believing in good, no matter what the odds.
It applies to all three of these movies. I appreciate the connections, made easy.
Thank you, again, trailmix. It feels really good to have a goal and see the small steps I can take in allowing bigger things coming together.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,003
I've been working on getting better at finances. Money seems like diet and exercise; it needs to happen regularly most days to work.
I've been trying to do 20 minutes a day which has helped. Now I'm trying to decide what I will do towards financial health the day before . . . . so . . . .tomorrow: call my sister who I work with on this, make a spreadsheet on some surgery expenses for tax deduction purposes, print out spread sheets.
I'm thinking that I need some more middle distance goals . . . getting taxes in ASAP is kind of that type of goal I suppose.
I've been trying to do 20 minutes a day which has helped. Now I'm trying to decide what I will do towards financial health the day before . . . . so . . . .tomorrow: call my sister who I work with on this, make a spreadsheet on some surgery expenses for tax deduction purposes, print out spread sheets.
I'm thinking that I need some more middle distance goals . . . getting taxes in ASAP is kind of that type of goal I suppose.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Dear trailmix
Thanks for an excellent thread, and HAPPY NEW YEAR to you!!!
My primary plan is to remain drama free. In other words, to change what I can ala the Serenity Prayer.
Case in point: an old friend refriended me on Facebook that I had a blowup with several years ago. After perusing his page, I saw very quickly that he is still a boilin' mess, and his Facebook page reflects this. No photos of his kids or recipes on that page, it is always a political tirade.
The day I accepted his friend request, I unfollowed him. We can be "friendly" without me getting hovered into his deal and getting angry.
My other plan is a 7 year plan. Part of this will be trying to decide whether to buy another house here in California, or just rent for the next 7 years and retire out of state. The housing market is high and the governor is knocking the legs out from under our economy one by one. Right now is a horrible time to buy real estate here.
Thanks for an excellent thread, and HAPPY NEW YEAR to you!!!
My primary plan is to remain drama free. In other words, to change what I can ala the Serenity Prayer.
Case in point: an old friend refriended me on Facebook that I had a blowup with several years ago. After perusing his page, I saw very quickly that he is still a boilin' mess, and his Facebook page reflects this. No photos of his kids or recipes on that page, it is always a political tirade.
The day I accepted his friend request, I unfollowed him. We can be "friendly" without me getting hovered into his deal and getting angry.
My other plan is a 7 year plan. Part of this will be trying to decide whether to buy another house here in California, or just rent for the next 7 years and retire out of state. The housing market is high and the governor is knocking the legs out from under our economy one by one. Right now is a horrible time to buy real estate here.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Hopefully maybe the housing market will calm!
I have a whole facebook account for old friends and acquaintances (which I rarely log in to and never speak on or reply to messages) - and then I have one where it's just me and say, 7 people lol.
Happy new year Eauchiche!
I have a whole facebook account for old friends and acquaintances (which I rarely log in to and never speak on or reply to messages) - and then I have one where it's just me and say, 7 people lol.
Happy new year Eauchiche!
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Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 3,767
Thanks for the question trailmix & the quote from Dee.
In 6 months I look forward to feeling more mentally stable, with 6 months of consistent self-care behind me. I hope to have a certain house project completed or in motion by then. I hope to have a new tree planted in our yard. (A neighbor cut down a gorgeous evergreen last year and we lost our privacy.) I hope to be connecting better with others, having easier connections after much isolating and social anxiety the past year.
It's good to have some positive thoughts & plans for the "middle" future. It really helps. Thank you.
In 6 months I look forward to feeling more mentally stable, with 6 months of consistent self-care behind me. I hope to have a certain house project completed or in motion by then. I hope to have a new tree planted in our yard. (A neighbor cut down a gorgeous evergreen last year and we lost our privacy.) I hope to be connecting better with others, having easier connections after much isolating and social anxiety the past year.
It's good to have some positive thoughts & plans for the "middle" future. It really helps. Thank you.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by silversky
Thanks for the question trailmix & the quote from Dee.
In 6 months I look forward to feeling more mentally stable, with 6 months of consistent self-care behind me. I hope to have a certain house project completed or in motion by then. I hope to have a new tree planted in our yard. (A neighbor cut down a gorgeous evergreen last year and we lost our privacy.) I hope to be connecting better with others, having easier connections after much isolating and social anxiety the past year.
It's good to have some positive thoughts & plans for the "middle" future. It really helps. Thank you.
In 6 months I look forward to feeling more mentally stable, with 6 months of consistent self-care behind me. I hope to have a certain house project completed or in motion by then. I hope to have a new tree planted in our yard. (A neighbor cut down a gorgeous evergreen last year and we lost our privacy.) I hope to be connecting better with others, having easier connections after much isolating and social anxiety the past year.
It's good to have some positive thoughts & plans for the "middle" future. It really helps. Thank you.
Yes i've never understood people who cut down perfectly good trees! I had that happen next door, the person who fixed up the house (then sold it) cut down an evergreen in the front yard that must have been 30 years old (I have one in my front yard too) and trimmed to nothing another tree that is on the edge of the property line. Thankfully the new owners are letting it grow again!
I'm also going to be more social this year.
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Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 471
Knocking malignant optimism on the head and preparing to move out. Part of that will be drawing up a budget.
Right now I'm a bit overwhelmed with what i need for my own place, but have some savings now from enacting last year's goal.
Right now I'm a bit overwhelmed with what i need for my own place, but have some savings now from enacting last year's goal.
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Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 436
My 2019 was spent recovering from 2018, which was a bad year.
In 2020 I am focusing on opportunities rather than losses. I have several options to launch a new career for myself. All will take commitment, dedication, hard work and self confidence.
I am continuing to practice gratitude and recognise that life deals good things along with the bad. I strive not to be overwhelmed with the bad experiences, to try to fully embrace the joy when it is there, regardless of the pain that lives alongside it.
I have faith that my higher power is working for the higher good and all will become clear in the end.
I am continuing with self care that includes many, many doctors appointments but I will not allow these to define who I am now. I also practice meditation, tai chi and other excercise. And a 12 step fellowship.
I plan to continue to live in acceptance, to accept that my whole life has changed and will never be the same again. I accept I can never rebuild the life I had and I have spent a year mourning it. 2020 is my year to rebuild, to create a life for myself free from another persons addictions.
I still have a divorce to navigate. I feel at peace with that now, now that I know going back is not an option. I am grateful that I am fully ready to move on but I am not impatient. It will take time but I plan to focus on moving ahead with my own plans while the divorce is in process rather than feeling stuck and feeling like I can't move on till I'm divorced. I can move. I have less to move with but I can still move.
Great thread Trailmix.
In 2020 I am focusing on opportunities rather than losses. I have several options to launch a new career for myself. All will take commitment, dedication, hard work and self confidence.
I am continuing to practice gratitude and recognise that life deals good things along with the bad. I strive not to be overwhelmed with the bad experiences, to try to fully embrace the joy when it is there, regardless of the pain that lives alongside it.
I have faith that my higher power is working for the higher good and all will become clear in the end.
I am continuing with self care that includes many, many doctors appointments but I will not allow these to define who I am now. I also practice meditation, tai chi and other excercise. And a 12 step fellowship.
I plan to continue to live in acceptance, to accept that my whole life has changed and will never be the same again. I accept I can never rebuild the life I had and I have spent a year mourning it. 2020 is my year to rebuild, to create a life for myself free from another persons addictions.
I still have a divorce to navigate. I feel at peace with that now, now that I know going back is not an option. I am grateful that I am fully ready to move on but I am not impatient. It will take time but I plan to focus on moving ahead with my own plans while the divorce is in process rather than feeling stuck and feeling like I can't move on till I'm divorced. I can move. I have less to move with but I can still move.
Great thread Trailmix.
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