I am trying to understand why I second-guess myself in the situation whenever I speak with him on the phone, even if it is not about the situation at hand. When I speak to my good friends here about the situation, explaining things aloud, or even when I write on here it is like I am speaking or writing the facts and I know for certain I’m doing the right thing, why do the facts get so muddied when I talk to him? After I’m done speaking with him I have to remind myself of the facts and then it centers me. It’s just annoying that I keep going back to that place where I feel bad or I second guess things.

He’s also probably actively trying to manipulate you when he talks to you right now. He is really good at it- he has convinced you to stay a hundred times already. And his whole lifestyle, family, and crutch while he isn’t a fully functional adult himself are all on the line.

When I first left my XAH, every conversation we had left my head spinning. It was a combination of being lied to and being manipulated like his life depended on it. When I first told him I was divorcing him I got some of the best performances of his life. I stuck to my guns but it was confusing and difficult.

It doesn’t impact me anymore or make me question myself. But it took many long months, probably close to a year, before I became mostly immune to it. Also, I completely refused to engage on any topic other than parenting and only as much as is needed. Whenever you can get to that point, it’s much harder to be sucked back into the black hole. I realize that’s not practical at this stage but long-term it will get much easier.