I’m doing it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 316
I’m doing it.
<div style="text-align:left;">I’m in my hometown celebrating Christmas, AH didn’t come with me but I’m meeting him with the kids this weekend to spend the night at his parents house to celebrate Christmas with them. <br /><br />I also confirmed my rental house today. Feeling thankful because it’s not a house on the market but my sister knows someone who just has it sitting vacant not ready to do anything with it (their kids grew up in this home) and they’re letting me rent it for a very reasonable rate. It’s the perfect size with a big front and back yard and trees. When I first pulled up several neighbors were outside. Lots of kids were out too. My sister kept saying “I know it’s not your dream home but it will he just fine” and all I could think was no ifs not, I spent 2 full years designing and implementing my dream home and am living in it now. Literally what I think is the perfect house that I love so much. That sadly feels like a part of me now. And I’m giving that up because the person I’m supposed to be sharing if with won’t stop making bad f*cking choices in his life. So now I’m going to be a single parent with a newborn and a 4 year old and a 7 year old. How is this my life. <br /><br />I am feeling sad and overwhelmed and exhausted and a little scared. And also angry and resentful at my AH. <br /><br />I also started listening to “co dependent no more” and it’s depressing. I am these “extreme” examples in her book. These sad stories of these women who won’t give up on their A even though it’s OBVIOUS they should. That’s me. And I guess I’m doing it. <br /><br />I have no idea what my future holds. And I’m just feeling mostly very sad and sobbing here as I’m crawling in bed. How is this my life. <br /><br />I know I’m making the right decision. It just hurts. <br /><br /></div>
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,609
Yes it does hurt, that's for sure. Then, on balance, every time he disappoints you, that hurts and makes you disillusioned. Every time he is drunk you probably get very frustrated and tense and worried, that also hurts you.
It is truly like a rock and a hard place, the good part of what you are doing is that you are choosing to stop the hurt that you can right now. Short term pain for long term gain.
I know you are probably thinking yes, BUT how about my Husband not being an alcoholic! Ideally he wouldn't be but the truth is, he is and he won't take care of anything, truly, as long as he is, because it is so selfish, the nature of the beast.
I'm sure you are exhausted, hopefully once you move in to your new place and get settled a bit you can just relax and take your time.
Hopefully you are moving in soon, so you can have a bit of a break.
It is truly like a rock and a hard place, the good part of what you are doing is that you are choosing to stop the hurt that you can right now. Short term pain for long term gain.
I know you are probably thinking yes, BUT how about my Husband not being an alcoholic! Ideally he wouldn't be but the truth is, he is and he won't take care of anything, truly, as long as he is, because it is so selfish, the nature of the beast.
I'm sure you are exhausted, hopefully once you move in to your new place and get settled a bit you can just relax and take your time.
Hopefully you are moving in soon, so you can have a bit of a break.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
FWN, that house that wasn't even on the market but that your sister just happened to know about, that house that you rented for a reasonable price--that's just the start of the Universe bringing you the things you need.
I know it's hard leaving your AH; like so many others here, I've been there too. One of the things I found helpful was to make a practice of gratitude for all the things I DID have, all the things I received right on time, even if I didn't know that I needed them. Keeping a gratitude journal might help you move your focus away from what you wish things were but weren't.
Consider it, at least. Buy yourself a beautiful book and a pen you love to write with. It was certainly a useful tool for me...
I know it's hard leaving your AH; like so many others here, I've been there too. One of the things I found helpful was to make a practice of gratitude for all the things I DID have, all the things I received right on time, even if I didn't know that I needed them. Keeping a gratitude journal might help you move your focus away from what you wish things were but weren't.
Consider it, at least. Buy yourself a beautiful book and a pen you love to write with. It was certainly a useful tool for me...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 367
FWN, that house that wasn't even on the market but that your sister just happened to know about, that house that you rented for a reasonable price--that's just the start of the Universe bringing you the things you need.
Through a serendipitous turn of events, I met a woman who just happened to have a house for rent for a good price, and I jumped on it. I've lived here for a year. My house now is half the size of my old one and nowhere near as nice, but the peace I've felt here has been beyond description.
I wish the same kind of peace and clarity for you. I know how hard it is. But you're doing the right thing. Keep learning about codependency and addiction. Breathe. Gather your support network. See a good therapist if you can. Hugs to you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 534
Honeypig is right! You found a house, where the neighbors seem friendly and there are lots of kids hanging out. Although the situation with your AH is sad beyond belief, good things are going to happen for you.
And it sounds like your sister is helping you now, so that's great.
You are doing such a hard thing, with 2 little kids and a BABY, but IMHO it's the best thing for you and your family.
You're very strong!
It will get easier. Lots of good thoughts for you.
And it sounds like your sister is helping you now, so that's great.
You are doing such a hard thing, with 2 little kids and a BABY, but IMHO it's the best thing for you and your family.
You're very strong!
It will get easier. Lots of good thoughts for you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 194
I'm proud of you, FWN. Deciding whether to leave and the constant push/pull toward and away from the A make it so hard to make a decision. Trusting your gut and following through are painful, but I am so glad you have a good sized place, yard, and neighbors with kids, instead of an apartment where it's harder to find other kids to play with. I think your strength in addressing the issues with your AH is wonderful and in the long run, will bring you and your family peace.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 471
You are an inspiration and a great mum.
Having moments where you wondered how the heck you got to where you are now is very normal. We generally go into a relationship thinking it will last forever. You have given it your all.
Just be kind to yourself and take one day at a time.
I hope 2020 is a peaceful year for you.
Having moments where you wondered how the heck you got to where you are now is very normal. We generally go into a relationship thinking it will last forever. You have given it your all.
Just be kind to yourself and take one day at a time.
I hope 2020 is a peaceful year for you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 134
Yes it’s sad, Yes it’s scary, Yes it’s emotionally draining...that’s the honest truth. But look at all that you’ve been thru and still you persavere. If you start to doubt your decision, look at your children. I mean really look at the situation from their eyes. You are leading by example, you are the best role model for your children. This is what helped keep me on track when I was doubting myself (separating). Would I want my kids to tolerate such behavior from a SO? Not in a million years! It’s a long hard road, but their worth it and so are you. They are lucky to have you as a mommy 💓
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
