My Husband Left and It Hurts

Old 12-26-2019, 01:14 PM
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My Husband Left and It Hurts

My husband moved out of our home into a Recovery Home. He said it would help him try to stay clean so I was on board. On December 5, two days after my birthday, I got a text message while I was at work. He told me that we were going to split up. He said that he knew I’d stay with him forever and continue to suffer but he didn’t want that. Then he blocked me on all social media and the phone. Finally he texted me saying he was sorry but his sponsor asked him how much longer he was going to continue to hurt me, and he said he had decided. He told me that he wasn’t going to pull me down with him anymore.

I’ve been in Al-Anon for fourteen months at this point and felt like I was less sad, demanding, etc than I had been. I am really trying to work my program and keep my side of the street clean. I’m trying to consider the kind of person I want to be in this situation. I am being kind without being a doormat. We’ve talked. He has picked up some of his things from the house. He’s told me that he misses me without trying to get back together.

I just don’t understand. I felt like things were getting better. My sponsor told me that I can’t concentrate on the reasons because I may never understand, but that I need to accept it and focus on myself, and peace will come. I’m just very hurt and feel rejected. I love this man despite his addiction. I feel like everyone (my family, my husband, my friends) think I should feel this sense of relief. I just don’t. I feel like I was just thrown away.
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Old 12-26-2019, 02:07 PM
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Hi Lissajill and welcome.

So other than sparing you any more hurt, he gave no other reasons at all?

Apparently he wasn't very happy with himself if he decided to move out to a recovery center. Maybe that is truly what he needs.

I'm really sorry that you are hurt though. I'm sure it was a shock and nothing that you planned for and that's very hurtful. It doesn't matter at all what other people think you should or shouldn't be feeling, your feelings are your own, of course.

The best I can offer knowing so few details is to look after yourself well, spend time with family and friends, do things you like. What other support do you have besides Al-Anon, are you in therapy at all?

Lots of support here for you too.
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Old 12-26-2019, 02:12 PM
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That’s really the only reason that I got. Of course, my mind and the way it works has blamed myself and tried to figure out what I did wrong.

Maybe, he just didn’t feel the same anymore and that answer was just easier for him. I don’t know. I don’t suppose it really matters.

Al Anon has been really good for me. I use to be in counseling, but I haven’t in years.
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Old 12-26-2019, 02:57 PM
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Well if you are able to now I would really suggest it, you need all the support you can get.

It all sounds a bit odd. What type of drugs was he using. Is he still using?
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Old 12-26-2019, 03:19 PM
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Also, you might want to check out the Friends and Family of alcoholics forum as well, it's quite a bit busier than this forum and there are many posts there you can probably relate to:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

Also the stickies that are found at the top of the forum:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
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