Blackout Period in Rehab (Please help a newcomer!)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 6
Blackout Period in Rehab (Please help a newcomer!)
A significant other's family held an intervention and she agreed to go to a Rehab facility in Arizona for Alcohol and Opiates a little over 3 weeks ago. She managed to get through Detox, and was then escorted to the facility where she as been for over 2 weeks now. I understand that there is a blackout period where you are not allowed contact with anyone/cell phone/etc for a certain period of time, but what are the parameters in which that is extended? She was told 2 weeks. Anyone who is familiar with the situation, could you advise? I've been writing hand-written letters and sending them quite a bit, and was hoping they would allow those at their facility to call home on Xmas but apparently not. Do these places typically change the rules on a case by case situation?
Thanks. Merry Christmas.
Thanks. Merry Christmas.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
I think all of that is situation-related, program-related and facility-related. That might call for many different "rules" to cover many situations. I'll bet it is also dependent on what your significant other's wishes might be, which her treatment and medical providers would not necessarily divulge to you. I would trust your partner's care-givers, and your partner, to get in touch with you when the time is right. What you need right now is likely pretty low on the list of what they are trying to get done.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,609
Hi and welcome, you may also want to check out the friends and family of Alcoholics forum here:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
You might want to post your question over there too as several members have family members that have been through rehab.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
You might want to post your question over there too as several members have family members that have been through rehab.
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
It’s common practice with most rehabs to have a blackout period. When I was in rehab after doing my first few counselling sessions it was clear I was co-dependent and that my relationships had become unhealthy. For the person in rehab it’s important to take that time out so you can find out who you are. My mum was complaining to the rehab as she couldn’t talk to me and wasn’t being told what she wanted to know. She meant well and cared a lot for me but that well meaning care was actually suffocating me, not allowing me to grow and make my own decisions. I also felt a lot of shame and guilt and contact from friends and family made me feel it more strongly so removing that equation really gave me time and space to heal.
Trust the process, trust the professionals and give your friend space. xx
**Edit**. Mags posted this in the weekenders thread and I it just seems relevant here:
Do you know the story of the struggling butterfly? The story goes that one day a man saw a cocoon. There was a small hole and he could see that the butterfly was struggling to get out of the cocoon. He decided to help it and cut open the cocoon so that it could be freed. When he did this, the butterfly died.
The parable is that the butterfly needs to struggle within the cocoon, building its strength so that its wings are strong enough to fly. Bypassing that step, doesn’t advance the process.
Trust the process, trust the professionals and give your friend space. xx
**Edit**. Mags posted this in the weekenders thread and I it just seems relevant here:
Do you know the story of the struggling butterfly? The story goes that one day a man saw a cocoon. There was a small hole and he could see that the butterfly was struggling to get out of the cocoon. He decided to help it and cut open the cocoon so that it could be freed. When he did this, the butterfly died.
The parable is that the butterfly needs to struggle within the cocoon, building its strength so that its wings are strong enough to fly. Bypassing that step, doesn’t advance the process.
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Originally Posted by johnnyjakes81 
A significant other's family held an intervention and she agreed to go to a Rehab facility in Arizona for Alcohol and Opiates a little over 3 weeks ago. She managed to get through Detox, and was then escorted to the facility where she as been for over 2 weeks now. I understand that there is a blackout period where you are not allowed contact with anyone/cell phone/etc for a certain period of time, but what are the parameters in which that is extended? She was told 2 weeks. Anyone who is familiar with the situation, could you advise? I've been writing hand-written letters and sending them quite a bit, and was hoping they would allow those at their facility to call home on Xmas but apparently not. Do these places typically change the rules on a case by case situation?
Thanks. Merry Christmas.
Thanks. Merry Christmas.
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
I didn’t really answer your initial question! From my experience they do not work on a case by case basis for contact because you can’t have a bunch of addicts all cooped up together where they are being treated differently or receiving special treatment. It creates a victim mentality and as addicts we often enter rehab thinking we are “special and different” and we should be treated as such. Everyone has to follow the same rules.
Also on a side note sometimes the contact is allowed after a while but the person actually decides to not do so.. I did that myself in rehab, that place gave me the strength and courage to say no, this is about me and I am going to put my recovery first. We don’t often have that courage when out in the real world or the support either and learning how to set healthy boundaries is a big part of recovery.
Al anon might be a good start for you. If she has only been away 3 weeks and you have sent a “lot” of letters this seems a little extreme. Let her have the time she needs for herself and maybe back off a little till she is ready to call you xx
Also on a side note sometimes the contact is allowed after a while but the person actually decides to not do so.. I did that myself in rehab, that place gave me the strength and courage to say no, this is about me and I am going to put my recovery first. We don’t often have that courage when out in the real world or the support either and learning how to set healthy boundaries is a big part of recovery.
Al anon might be a good start for you. If she has only been away 3 weeks and you have sent a “lot” of letters this seems a little extreme. Let her have the time she needs for herself and maybe back off a little till she is ready to call you xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 6
Thanks for the replies...
Hi all,
Thank you for the information you've provided. I think the best route would be for me to go to a few meetings myself to be honest. Not only do I feel like I would learn a lot but here's to thinking I could use some help myself. I keep telling myself that I don't have a problem, but tonight I went to a family Christmas party of that consisted of my family and another close family, whose father is my Dads age and is an alcoholic, went to treatment, worked and then relapsed. His 2 20-something sons drink, but one is Sober and went to rehab. One of his 2 sons is married to a woman who is now Sober and went through rehab, so the fact there was even booze served at this party was surprising. I had my 3 beers in 3 hours and drove home my 3 blocks away. I felt guilty even drinking around these people. I even sought out the sober wife of the son and talked to her in private about my situation. She was comforting but, it didn't really help much. I feel like this is going to be a good place for me. I'm actually glad I found it.
Thank you for the information you've provided. I think the best route would be for me to go to a few meetings myself to be honest. Not only do I feel like I would learn a lot but here's to thinking I could use some help myself. I keep telling myself that I don't have a problem, but tonight I went to a family Christmas party of that consisted of my family and another close family, whose father is my Dads age and is an alcoholic, went to treatment, worked and then relapsed. His 2 20-something sons drink, but one is Sober and went to rehab. One of his 2 sons is married to a woman who is now Sober and went through rehab, so the fact there was even booze served at this party was surprising. I had my 3 beers in 3 hours and drove home my 3 blocks away. I felt guilty even drinking around these people. I even sought out the sober wife of the son and talked to her in private about my situation. She was comforting but, it didn't really help much. I feel like this is going to be a good place for me. I'm actually glad I found it.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Kerry, Ireland
Posts: 2,700
Well over here at least, the Rehabs have their own policies about contact and visits from the outside. When I was in Treatment I knew a few people that weren't allowed visitors or calls for the full month.
This was usually the exception though as most people were allowed visits and calls after the first few days. Why not ring the place and see what their policy is?
This was usually the exception though as most people were allowed visits and calls after the first few days. Why not ring the place and see what their policy is?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,151
Originally Posted by johnnyjakes81
I think the best route would be for me to go to a few meetings myself to be honest. Not only do I feel like I would learn a lot but here's to thinking I could use some help myself. I keep telling myself that I don't have a problem
It can't hurt to check out some meetings. You may find something there that you find helpful. You will be welcomed. Some meetings are closed to non-alcoholics. But if you are concerned about your drinking, that's good enough. There is no proof of alcoholism card you need to get in.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Gainesville, Fl
Posts: 435
I think the type of rehab/facility makes the rules, but as was mentioned, there is no individual variation.
The detox/rehab I went to for a week (some there much longer) let us use the phone for a 2 hour window each day unless it was directly related to Drs/Recovery/Insurance, etc. However, you could sign an information release to where the therapists or nurses could give someone an update (in my case, the therapist called my mom).
From there, they highly recommended a live-in rehab for a minimum of 30 days. Your own apartment, more group therapy, psychiatrists, etc. They did have a 2 week blackout period with zero exceptions. After that, you got 1 visitation a week with immediate family only, but no phone calls or other contact otherwise. The focus is on recovery and often those who care for us can also be stressers. Of course for $25,000 a month, $2,000 rent/mo for the apartment, and $150 per psychiatrist visit....I told them thanks, but I'll pass lol
The only way to know for sure is to call the facility and ask.
The detox/rehab I went to for a week (some there much longer) let us use the phone for a 2 hour window each day unless it was directly related to Drs/Recovery/Insurance, etc. However, you could sign an information release to where the therapists or nurses could give someone an update (in my case, the therapist called my mom).
From there, they highly recommended a live-in rehab for a minimum of 30 days. Your own apartment, more group therapy, psychiatrists, etc. They did have a 2 week blackout period with zero exceptions. After that, you got 1 visitation a week with immediate family only, but no phone calls or other contact otherwise. The focus is on recovery and often those who care for us can also be stressers. Of course for $25,000 a month, $2,000 rent/mo for the apartment, and $150 per psychiatrist visit....I told them thanks, but I'll pass lol
The only way to know for sure is to call the facility and ask.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 534
I went to a 30 day rehab and we had phones available for 2 hours in the evening. We were allowed to send or receive letters and cards.
No computers, cell phone or any type of Internet access was allowed EXCEPT for some people who needed to check emails for legal issues, business matters or to check-in with family to reassure them that we were ok.
It was always done in a counselors office so they kept an eye on what we were doing----not going on Facebook, etc.
We gave permission for our counselors to talk to whomever we wanted--mostly it was only a spouse or parents.
People were allowed to call and leave us phone message, but seriously...we were so busy with counseling, meetings, recuperating etc. that most of us only called immediate family members.
Most people in my group were over 40, so there wasn't anyone throwing a fit about not having their cellphone or computers.
As abgator said, the focus was on RECOVERY and not just for us. They told our families to take this time while we were away to get rest, take care of themselves and not have to worry about the addict in their life.
No computers, cell phone or any type of Internet access was allowed EXCEPT for some people who needed to check emails for legal issues, business matters or to check-in with family to reassure them that we were ok.
It was always done in a counselors office so they kept an eye on what we were doing----not going on Facebook, etc.
We gave permission for our counselors to talk to whomever we wanted--mostly it was only a spouse or parents.
People were allowed to call and leave us phone message, but seriously...we were so busy with counseling, meetings, recuperating etc. that most of us only called immediate family members.
Most people in my group were over 40, so there wasn't anyone throwing a fit about not having their cellphone or computers.
As abgator said, the focus was on RECOVERY and not just for us. They told our families to take this time while we were away to get rest, take care of themselves and not have to worry about the addict in their life.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 268
The times I've been to rehab my phone was taken at intake, we could get letters though...phones are seen as a huge distraction, especially early on. I know I left one early because my boyfriend talked me into it, on a payphone. I regret it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,504
The no contact blackout rule applies to some places here in Australia. It is a topic of debate here as to whether this is good practice. On the face of it I don't like it.
If a family member of mine had agreed and wanted to go to rehab I would not be pursuing any of the blackout ones.
I think it's important for people to see family and friends, even if restricted. It doesn't seem very inclusive.
Edit: Phones were banned. Good idea too.
If a family member of mine had agreed and wanted to go to rehab I would not be pursuing any of the blackout ones.
I think it's important for people to see family and friends, even if restricted. It doesn't seem very inclusive.
Edit: Phones were banned. Good idea too.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 6
Guess who is Sober now?
I just wanted to update. I haven't been on this forum in quite some time. Some of you may remember my posting about a SO who was in rehab that I was trying to reach out to.
I have some great updated news to share.
a) I am 72 days Sober. I decided to join the path of recovery. It has not been easy, but it's been rewarding. I've lost 18 lbs just by not drinking. My mental clarity has improved dramatically. My relationships have gotten better, and I feel like a new person.
b) The individual whom I spoke of before is home and still sober as well. We have attended meetings together occasionally and realize our lives were unmanageable and continue to make progress every day while maintaining a friendship that has only improved through sobriety
c) 94 meetings in 72 days, and now we're going virtual due to this virus, but hey, a meeting is a meeting, right? I was given the chance to chair a meeting on my 60th day of recovery, and that was really special. Never did I think something so small would have such an impact
d) The meetings work, but you have to work the steps. If I find myself frustrated, I try to find a meeting. Getting a sponsor helped. The fellowship helps. I've made friends with people I've never met and otherwise would never have had a connection with. These friendships and connections are more powerful and meaningful than some of my existing friendships.
e) I'm just so happy I made a change. It is possible. Thanks for reading.
I have some great updated news to share.
a) I am 72 days Sober. I decided to join the path of recovery. It has not been easy, but it's been rewarding. I've lost 18 lbs just by not drinking. My mental clarity has improved dramatically. My relationships have gotten better, and I feel like a new person.
b) The individual whom I spoke of before is home and still sober as well. We have attended meetings together occasionally and realize our lives were unmanageable and continue to make progress every day while maintaining a friendship that has only improved through sobriety
c) 94 meetings in 72 days, and now we're going virtual due to this virus, but hey, a meeting is a meeting, right? I was given the chance to chair a meeting on my 60th day of recovery, and that was really special. Never did I think something so small would have such an impact
d) The meetings work, but you have to work the steps. If I find myself frustrated, I try to find a meeting. Getting a sponsor helped. The fellowship helps. I've made friends with people I've never met and otherwise would never have had a connection with. These friendships and connections are more powerful and meaningful than some of my existing friendships.
e) I'm just so happy I made a change. It is possible. Thanks for reading.
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