Momamy3

I have been here before, but it has been a while. My husband has an addiction problem, but the addiction changes from month to month, week to week, or whatever else. He started getting into alcohol really badly at the end of 2003, I told him he needed to be out of my house--in treatment or at his own place. He went into treatment, was clean for a while, then started becoming addicted to computer games. Again, I gave him an ultimatum, he went into treatment and was clean for a while. Then in April 2004 it was alcohol again. Same story. In October of 2004 he lost his job, and a few weeks later he started abusing his prescription medication. The last few weeks it has been alcohol again.

He tried the AA groups, but like I said, he switches addictions so it is never just alcohol. We have been going to Celebrate Recovery, which seems to be a more general addiction group, but it only meets twice weekly.

Is AA a good choice for us? I feel like when alcohol is involved, I immediately have a "very little tolerance" because we have two small children, and it poses a threat to their very lives.

Thanks.

minnie

Are you an alcoholic too?

Momamy3

I am not alcoholic at all--I very much hate the feeling of being in an altered state. I was just thinking for the Al-Anon aspect for me, I guess.

ellima01

Addicts tend to do those things I think- my AH is addicted to music as well as drugs and alcohol-i know that sounds weird, but it is true. He jumps from one thing to another. I think if he would actually go to AA- they could help him figure out why he does these things- so yeah- I think AA could help(him)
Alanon for you

JT

Al Anon teaches us to live our own lives in peace with them or without them, so yes I would say that would be for you. The addiction of another person can become an obsession on our own part regardless of what the addiction is. Speaking from experience my advice would be to save yourself regardless if he wants to join you.

Hugs and welcome back,
JT

Momamy3

I rarely have time to obsess about his addictions--too busy taking care of my children. He is willing to go, and I hate to say this, but if he wasn't, he would be out of my house, and I could live VERY peacefully without him and his addictions. It is too draining to be constantly setting boundaries and protecting our money and children from his compulsions. Life is too short.

Regardless, I am willing to work on it if he is, and right now he is. He stops working, he knows he will be out.

To the ones whose addicts go from one addiction to the next--do they completely give up one and go to the next or do they do them all at once?

Thanks--I am feeling fairly green here!

minnie

Momammy

I asked if you were an alcoholic because you said "Is AA a good choice for us?".

If you aren't an alcoholic, then AA isn't a good choice for YOU, but Al-anon probably is. I picked up on that question, because when I first realised the extent of my A b/f's problems, I thought that we could sort them out together. Over time, I have realised that I can't solve his problems for him, I can only sort out my own. So I go to Al-anon and have personal counselling. Funnily enough, 3 weeks after I'd started going to al-anon, he started going to AA. But that wasn't my aim. My aim was to get help for ME.

As to the questions about multiple addiction, I believe that addiction is caused, in the first instance, by a "hole in the soul" and if this is not dealt with, then the addict will try and fill it with anything, be it drink, drugs, gambling etc etc. I have done the same thing, but I filled it with people. This is why I have found al-anon so helpful, because it has made me realise that I need to fill the hole with me. I could easily have filled it with drink or drugs. Unless the root cause is indentified and addressed, then problems continue. This is only my opinion, though.

Take care and keep coming back.

Love

Minnie
xxxx

Momamy3

I will definitely be going to Celebrate Recovery the two times a week, but I don't know how many Al-Anon meetings I will be able to go to. It is hard with two small children and working full time.

What is the theory behind the initial push for 90 meetings in 90 days? My husband gets tired of the ritual stuff, and he appreciates the individual time in CR more, but I told him maybe it was so he would have the 12 steps memorized in the forefront of his brain. He says that the sponsor thing would definitely help, and he wants to do that, but he is not sure how much he will benefit from restating the steps every day. He has been through some intensive therapy and has really done much of what the steps ask to do already (including asking forgiveness, etc).

It IS just that hole in the soul. He struggles with depression...the kind where nothing gives you pleasure. When his meds don't work and nothing gives him pleasure, he tries to fill it with whatever he can find at that point. Unfortunately, he has a bad case of treatment resistant depression, and there has not been any med combo that has worked for more than 3 months in the past 10 years.

The alcohol was an issue recently, in April of this year, and again in November of last year. It is sporadic...not an entire lifestyle of alcohol yet, but he definitely gets out of control with it. I guess the lifestyle is just of plain ol' addictions/compulsions, and that is bad enough.