Notices

Why is my happiness so revolved around a substance?

Old 12-17-2019, 05:13 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 2019
Location: Milton, GA
Posts: 9
Why is my happiness so revolved around a substance?

Sorry to say everyone I broke after 2 months of sobriety. I’ve been waiting and waiting for me to find happiness in life after quitting. Hoping one day it would just snap in. But it hasn’t yet and boredom and depression got the best of me. I never realized how hard it was to quit until I actually did. I always thought I could if I needed too and that it wouldn’t be that big of a deal(after 15 years of weekend binging) But two months felt like an eternity and I couldn’t shake the feeling of not having anything to look forward too. I feel weak now. Controlled by something I never thought I actually was controlled by. I’m actually more scared now then I’ve ever been because of feeling the least in control of in my life that I ever have. I just wanna drink with the buds. I feel like I’m not living when I’m sober I’m never being myself. Agggh I’m so frustrated. I know this probably isn’t an uncommon occurrence. Thanks for the read. Much love yall
Mitchgc27 is offline  
Old 12-17-2019, 05:25 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,057
Hi Mitch
You posted in the chat forum which is not the chat room (the chat forum is mostly admin stuff) so I moved your post here

I know how hard it is to strike out on a new path and then to fall back into the old ways and the old crew.

Drinking with my buds would have ended up killing me because I'd go home and drink more, often for weeks.

I needed to change, and that meant making changes.

It was tough and scary but worth it.

What else did you do in those 2 months besides not drinking?

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 12-17-2019, 05:34 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,330
Originally Posted by Mitchgc27 View Post
I’ve been waiting and waiting for me to find happiness in life after quitting. Hoping one day it would just snap in. But it hasn’t yet
In my experience, that's not how it works. I had to find ways to bring joy and happiness into my life. And, I think that's the hardest part of recovery - making the lifestyle changes you need to make in order to support your recovery. If you're depressed and unhappy, what can you do to change that? Do you have an exercise program? Do you have hobbies or play sports? I had to get back to things I had loved doing before I was consumed by alcoholism.

You did great on getting through two months. I hope you can come up with some ideas to help you get beyond two months and to maintain permanent sobriety.
Anna is offline  
Old 12-17-2019, 05:35 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
Much love to you!
HeadEast is offline  
Old 12-17-2019, 05:36 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 2019
Location: Milton, GA
Posts: 9
Sorry about that,

i did various activities outside of work. Video games, worked on my music(piano and guitar) exercise. I felt great, but the amount on new energy I had only increased anxiety about how little I recognized myself and the feeling of feeling better felt subpar because it was like being a very cleared-headed and healthy depressed person. Instead of feeling happy I just became more self aware of how much I hate myself. Like drinking a cup of coffee to better focus on the negative. Atleast when I drink myself into oblivion I can’t judge myself. Idk maybe it’s deeper than alcohol.
Mitchgc27 is offline  
Old 12-17-2019, 05:39 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,416
Mitch, I understand how you're feeling. I drank for decades, & it was part of everything I did. I allowed my life to revolve around it. The times I tried to stop left me feeling sad & empty. So I kept trying to manage it - and that led me to a very dark place. My dependence grew, my weekend binging became 24/7 drinking in the end. By that time, it was no longer fun or entertaining - but a necessity. I'm not saying you'd ever reach the point that I did - but the warning signs are there. I'm glad you're taking a hard look at what it does to your life.

Be glad you have the sense to know you're in danger. I know it's difficult to learn to live in a whole new way, but I hope you'll stay with us and keep talking.
Hevyn is offline  
Old 12-17-2019, 05:47 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Surrendered19's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
I am a newbie here, 26 days sober, living in day 27. I so much admire your post and will follow it as long as you keep it going. The issues you raise worry me. I still feel so good and am so happy that I am sober and clear headed and calm, I just don't want that to end. But I know that the voices trying to get me to drink again will come eventually. Again, I am grateful for your post.
Surrendered19 is offline  
Old 12-17-2019, 06:02 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 2019
Location: Milton, GA
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by Anna View Post
In my experience, that's not how it works. I had to find ways to bring joy and happiness into my life. And, I think that's the hardest part of recovery - making the lifestyle changes you need to make in order to support your recovery. If you're depressed and unhappy, what can you do to change that? Do you have an exercise program? Do you have hobbies or play sports? I had to get back to things I had loved doing before I was consumed by alcoholism.

You did great on getting through two months. I hope you can come up with some ideas to help you get beyond two months and to maintain permanent sobriety.
Originally Posted by Surrendered19 View Post
I am a newbie here, 26 days sober, living in day 27. I so much admire your post and will follow it as long as you keep it going. The issues you raise worry me. I still feel so good and am so happy that I am sober and clear headed and calm, I just don't want that to end. But I know that the voices trying to get me to drink again will come eventually. Again, I am grateful for your post.

I am glad. I hope to keep going. As long as I let myself. Perhaps I have other issues that I’ve used alcoholism to deflect away, and once I quit drinking those other issues surfaced and I have to face them. That is literally the only explanation i can give for why I hate feeling more clear headed so much. A lot of people say that they feel immediately better because of a calmness and clear mindedness, but I have been feeling immediately worse. I’m the exact opposite of that. The more I see people post about how they are happier because their mind is cleaner, the more anxiety I get because it’s the opposite for me
Mitchgc27 is offline  
Old 12-17-2019, 06:20 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 10
I feel like I could have wrote this post...bored depressed want to hang with friends and have a few...I just passed 8 months sober...I have to learn how to live sober...I go to Aa meetings read the posts here on s.b. and got the courage to ask another man to be my sponser...there are grey days and some sunny ones also...read the doctors opinion in a.a big book explains a lot...I no I can't drink like normal people...black outs cocaine etc.etc...I'm highly functional in the work place...paid mortgages child support bills no debts...don't no if I have that GENE or what...but I'm honest with myself and no i can't drink... I have an allergy...lots of great speakers on YouTube or Xa speakers.com...lets do this sober journey together..we have to learn how to live sober....Keep posting...
Villa is offline  
Old 12-17-2019, 06:26 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 259
Congratulations on getting on a path to recovery. There may be some slips but they don't have to turn in to long relapses. Dust yourself off and keep moving forward.

A couple of things come to mind when reading your post. The first is that many people drink as a way of dealing with some other issues like anxiety, depression etc. Drinking makes these things worse but when you get sober, those issues are often still there and will need to be addressed as a part of recovery.

The other thing is that recovery varies among all of us. As a binge drinker, I often went experienced a lot of good things in life without alcohol so when I got into recovery, I didn't experience the pink cloud (or elation at being sober) and instead felt like I normally did when not drinking for a few weeks or months.

I don't know if you've read much about Post Alcohol Withdrawal Syndrome but it can last for several months and one of the symptoms can be anhedonia- the inability to feel happiness or pleasure. This is because your body has to find balance again. Here is a short video you can check out
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=so-BZyj21ZA&t=

Keep it going and things will get better over time. Good luck
ciowa is offline  
Old 12-17-2019, 06:28 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
Hi Mitch. Welcome to SR. I’m currently 18 months sober and I can tell you that the first 3-4 months were very difficult. Depression, anxiety, boredom, extreme anger were just par for the course for me. You referenced some people relating immediate positive experiences. For me, that was only true physically. Emotionally, it took a lot longer to work my way out of the muck.
Atlast9999 is offline  
Old 12-17-2019, 06:53 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 725
I get a lot of that comfort that I would seek from drinking by running. A good, hard run gives me a little bit of that soothing feeling I would get from a beer buzz.

A big difference with a run is I pre pay. I push myself out the door when I don't feel like it. I push myself hard when it's not always comfortable. With a beer buzz i pay later and there is more to pay than a bar tab. It never ends with a buzz. There is the headache and anxiety the next day. The did i act like an idiot. The drugs and other trouble it leads to. That buzz from running makes me more content. I dont feel the need to keep running all night. With drinking I'm still never happy, its never enough, all the comfy buzz does is make me drink me more.
RecklessDrunk is offline  
Old 12-17-2019, 07:11 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
~sb
 
sugarbear1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,951
For me, it's internal.....I have to create my happiness....staying sober is just part of it. Life is beautiful today.
sugarbear1 is online now  
Old 12-17-2019, 07:25 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,057
when I quit it was like the tide went out and all this other stuff got uncovered.
If you find that sobriety brings depression and anxiety, that's not going to be conducive to maintaining a long term recovery - maybe its worth consulting a dr 'uncovered issues' like that?

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 12-17-2019, 08:38 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
joe801's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 433
I don't think your true happiness is tied to a substance, it's a false removal of a perceived negative feeling. There is no positive feeling to substance/alcohol abuse it's a temporary removal of a negative feeling to a temporary neutral feeling with no way to reach the positive until you quit the substance.
joe801 is offline  
Old 12-17-2019, 09:25 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 2019
Location: Milton, GA
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by RecklessDrunk View Post
I get a lot of that comfort that I would seek from drinking by running. A good, hard run gives me a little bit of that soothing feeling I would get from a beer buzz.

A big difference with a run is I pre pay. I push myself out the door when I don't feel like it. I push myself hard when it's not always comfortable. With a beer buzz i pay later and there is more to pay than a bar tab. It never ends with a buzz. There is the headache and anxiety the next day. The did i act like an idiot. The drugs and other trouble it leads to. That buzz from running makes me more content. I dont feel the need to keep running all night. With drinking I'm still never happy, its never enough, all the comfy buzz does is make me drink me more.
Originally Posted by joe801 View Post
I don't think your true happiness is tied to a substance, it's a false removal of a perceived negative feeling. There is no positive feeling to substance/alcohol abuse it's a temporary removal of a negative feeling to a temporary neutral feeling with no way to reach the positive until you quit the substance.

Yeah like I said running and exercising have helped me relax and clear my mind, but it’s never as satisfying. I guess i just need to give it more time. Even though 2 months felt like an entire year. I guess alcohol re-wires your brain and you have to un-wire it.

That actually makes a ton of sense. I guess when I started drinking it was purely for fun because i didn’t have those issues. Once they arose I guess it was easy to dull them with booze. Finding happiness is so much deeper than just removing alcohol
Mitchgc27 is offline  
Old 12-17-2019, 09:31 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 2019
Location: Milton, GA
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by ciowa View Post
Congratulations on getting on a path to recovery. There may be some slips but they don't have to turn in to long relapses. Dust yourself off and keep moving forward.

A couple of things come to mind when reading your post. The first is that many people drink as a way of dealing with some other issues like anxiety, depression etc. Drinking makes these things worse but when you get sober, those issues are often still there and will need to be addressed as a part of recovery.

The other thing is that recovery varies among all of us. As a binge drinker, I often went experienced a lot of good things in life without alcohol so when I got into recovery, I didn't experience the pink cloud (or elation at being sober) and instead felt like I normally did when not drinking for a few weeks or months.

I don't know if you've read much about Post Alcohol Withdrawal Syndrome but it can last for several months and one of the symptoms can be anhedonia- the inability to feel happiness or pleasure. This is because your body has to find balance again. Here is a short video you can check out
Keep it going and things will get better over time. Good luck
Originally Posted by Atlast9999 View Post
Hi Mitch. Welcome to SR. I’m currently 18 months sober and I can tell you that the first 3-4 months were very difficult. Depression, anxiety, boredom, extreme anger were just par for the course for me. You referenced some people relating immediate positive experiences. For me, that was only true physically. Emotionally, it took a lot longer to work my way out of the muck.

Thanks I’ve never heard of post alcohol withdraw syndrome. It makes sense though. I’ll check that out

If I can survive this holiday season without hating everyone and everything and somehow manage to get through New Year’s Eve juicing with apple cider, then I hope to make it 4 months.... Hopefully by then I will start to truly understand why i want to stay sober.
Mitchgc27 is offline  
Old 12-17-2019, 09:42 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,673
Counseling is a good idea if you have issues you need help dealing with. I used to see a counselor and she was a great help to me.

The other thing I would suggest is that you start to practice gratitude every day. I had to force myself to find even the smallest thing to be thankful for, as I was very depressed the first few months of sobriety and didn't feel very 'thankful'. I kept on doing it tho and before long, it became a habit, and now I am astounded at how much I have to be grateful for.

Practicing gratitude made me happier too.

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
least is offline  
Old 12-18-2019, 12:19 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
Gabor Mate suggests you/we ask not 'why the addiction, but why the Pain?' For instance, I used booze to escape. I probably spent next to no time trying to figure out what it was exactly that I was trying to escape from, because I seemed to always be on the run and hence 'preoccupied'. If I thought I felt good, I wanted to feel 'better' (drink). If I thought I felt bad, I wanted to feel better (drink). The common trait, even in these two simple examples, is that I pretty much always wanted to feel something other than what I was feeling in the moment, good or bad. In my personal understanding of things, and in a broad framework, this seems to apply equally to cases where people feel that their life 'sucks' when they are drinking, but seems to also suck months, maybe even a year, after they've stopped. The shared aspect there is 'life sucks', boozing or not boozing. Thus, it's the 'life' that needs work on. People on SR simply know from experience that taking on the challenge of working out 'life' is FAR EASIER when sober.

You also mentioned you play instruments. Have you ever witnessed - what I'd assume would be a miracle tbh - that you get better at playing guitar/keys by waiting to get better? When I was learning guitar, only playing it improved things

Maybe there's some food for thought in there for you, Mitch

Good luck!
kk1k5x is offline  
Old 12-18-2019, 03:58 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
DriGuy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,111
Realizing I was addicted, that is DEEPLY ADDICTED, when I previously thought I could stop anytime I wanted, was worse than the drinking itself. OK, the drinking was worse, but the thought of being addicted to a substance is so abhorrent to me that it became one of the bigger reasons to quit.

I was so happy to get rid of the addiction and to stop drinking, that I think I could have been happy for that alone, but I'm not sure. In fact, I have a lot of things that make me happy. Drinking is not one of them. But all of those things that make me happy were things I worked hard at. I was even happy working hard for them.

What I'm saying is that it doesn't seem like happiness is something that rains down upon us without us being part of the cause. Maybe it does. Maybe happiness is a chemical balance that we cannot control, but whether it is or it isn't it seems like we make a lot of our own happiness. I believe many of us make our own discontent also.
DriGuy is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:44 AM.