thomas11

and i know it, I feel it. I am not drinking but have been up for 30 hrs, day/night...doesn't matter. I used to live my life by the clock. I was a very scheduled individual. Now its all scattered. Please DM me if you have some experience. I am reaching out folks.

biminiblue

Reach out for medical help.

Something is off, this isn't you. Call your doctor. A lot of different diagnoses could be causing this - you have been struggling for a while, get checked out, please.

thomas11

tough to call a doc because you wonder if you are going crazy. Who wants to do that? Not me.

Winslow

I remember you from when I used to be active here a few years ago and the difference is night and day in your posts😔 if you're having trouble sleeping,sadness, anxiety then the only logical choice is to see your doctor,I know they suck and just prescribe pills but I want you to feel like the old Thomas I remember again

biminiblue

It could be something other than mental health, though. Just bite the bullet - you want to feel better and it's just getting worse. Go get worked up, bloods, etc. Maybe a scan, who knows?

Or if it is psychological, why not treat that? Why continue to suffer? There's no shame in psychological help these days. We all have something...but if it's impacting you this much, it's time, Jeff.

FreedomCA

faith823

Hi,

I am so over the fact of what DR's think when I need help. Trust me they have heard and seen it all. In the same respect I do not care what ANYONE thinks
when I am under the influence. I would prefer being Sober and going to a DR with my fears and concerns. Going to a DR to get well , I know-
1) that is what they get paid for and are there for 2)self care, seeking care helps my self esteem. 3) I do not want to drink end result -blotto in the Dr's office or blotto hating myself, spilling out my guts that I need to get better to anyone who will listen in the end.
I'd rather be sober and self aware when I go through this.

The good news is you have been Sober during this time of mental anguish.
You are reaching out for help. You are aware this is not you. You desire to make changes to get back on track. I am moving ahead a day at a time to get back on track again. If I drink I have the flood of sickness, ism's, shame, guilt and I get to start all over again. Getting passed the mental anguish of the first week of sobriety is awful place to be. Move forward through this I hope you feel better soon and can get some rest.

ScottFromWI

It's the act of admitting we need help that is the hard part. Accepting that we can't do it ourselves. However you frame it - some call it stubbornness, or even denial. It's exactly the same as what we go through accepting/admitting our issues with addiction.

Bottom line though Jeff, you need to call and you need to do it right away. The decline you describe has been going on for a long time, and you have admitted as such.

This community will always be here for support, and you should continue to use it. But you need more help than we can give you. I personally needed it too, but i desperately tried to fight it for years. Looking back it was exactly what I mentioned above- stubbornness and denial, pride, ego. I still have regrets about not seeking help sooner - not just for my own personal well being, but for those around me and the problems my reluctance to get help caused them.

ShiftHappens

Dont allow false pride and ego to keep you from moving forward.

If I hadnt been so afraid to go to the doctor and admit to myself that I needed to stop and do some self care, I probably never would have picked up a drink.

Ironically, I found it very empowering.

Your fears here are empty and unfounded, and I think just taking a positive ACTION will improve your mental state.

Surrendered19

I wouldn't listen to anyone in this little digital world about an acute health issue thomas11, unless their advice is get to a doc and get checked out. So many things spring to mind that can be easily remedied. Bipolar disorder springs to my mind. But we are just guessing. Being up for 30 straight hours is highly unusual but certainly not unheard of. Sometimes your body and mind are processing something and it just isn't time to sleep. Get to a doc and find out. A low dose of some med might be all you need. Don't ask Google either. He is a worse doctor than us. I am in awe of your not drinking right now. I am on Day 25 and if I was up 30 straight hours, I cannot say I wouldn't drink. You inspire.

thomas11

I hope this doesn't end the thread, but I just told my wife to make me an appt. I need to talk. Its gonna be a therapist, and I need to go in with honesty. Thank you to those who have warned me that I may get some feedback I don't like. That's fine. I can't continue to go through life with so much anger and hatred. I don't even know if I hate myself.... or others. That's how mixed up it is.

silentrun

Ugh. That no sleep thing is a killer. The longer it goes on the worse it gets. I'm glad your going in to get some help. Have you been checked for sleep apnea? That caused some of my issues.

faith823

That is wonderful. I think your feelings are warranted. You have been through a lot the last few months. I am glad you are going to talk to someone. Thank you for your honesty and post. I will check in on this thread I find it very inspiring.

I know you said you live by structure. Can you put a small plan into your day today to feel more in control. A walk, a nap, a healthy meal? Posting and not drinking is a plan. Just keep continuing to do the next right thing for yourself.

ShiftHappens

This is fantastic. A HUGE step forward

Surrendered19

He11 no it won't end the thread. Keep us well posted and stay in touch. I am so happy you took some action. That self-loathing seems to be so common among us botched and bungled. But you can sort all of that all out for sure thomas11.

Delilah1

Hi Jeff,

I’m so proud of you for taking the steps you did today to get healthy. You reflected that something was wrong, you logged on here for help, you spoke to your wife, and you’re making an appointment with a therapist. Those are all really positive things to help you get back to feeling like yourself again.

I have always suffered from anxiety, of course it was worse when I was drinking, but even now I still do. When my mom died last year I was dealing with lots of emotion related to her death, as well as with my brother who I have since distanced myself from. I found myself in the ER with what I felt was a heart attack, but turned out to be a panic attack. I went to see a therapist that week, and it helped. Make sure you are open to what they say, and if there is something going on that you need medication to treat be open to listening to them on how that might help you as well.

Sending lots of love your way.

❤️Delilah

HeadEast

I have dealt with this all my life! I can't respond any better than Scott has above.

Anna

Jeff, I'm really glad that your wife called for an appointment for you. I know you're worried right now, but I think taking action will help to ease your mind.

Kaily

I hope you get an appointment quickly. Even just telling the Dr will hopefully begin to lighten your load.

Mental anguish is a painful lonely place to be.

I wish you all the best.

least

I hope you can find some relief.