Breaking my cycle
A lone wolf staring back at me
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: The good old midwest!
Posts: 27
Breaking my cycle
Hey everyone. Been a long time since I have been on the forums. My last post was in 2005. Life has not been easy since. This year though things have slowly spiraled out of control and my drinking is now daily. I get off work around 4pm, drink till 8pm... go to work at 7am etc etc etc....I rarely take a day off anymore. I am ready to break the cycle. The devil starts to creep in around 11-12 (that justification voice) and by the time I get off work I have convinced myself everything is ok and to go and get a bottle. It is time to reach out for some support. Hope everyone is doing well, or better than me at least. Sitting hung over at 4:00 A.M unable to sleep and full of shame...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 87
Glad to see you posting and want to get out of the cycle. It is absolutely worth doing! I was in that same vicous cycle of working, drinking, working, drinking, etc.
It's a miserable way to live and my life just kept getting smaller. I basically lost a lot of the joy in my life.
The good news is if you can stop, and give your brain some time to heal. Instead of needing a drink after work, you can find much more fulfilling, fun, and joyous ways to live your life.
For me finding meetings of people going through similiar things and having what I wanted got me over that hump of wanting that first drink after work.
It's a miserable way to live and my life just kept getting smaller. I basically lost a lot of the joy in my life.
The good news is if you can stop, and give your brain some time to heal. Instead of needing a drink after work, you can find much more fulfilling, fun, and joyous ways to live your life.
For me finding meetings of people going through similiar things and having what I wanted got me over that hump of wanting that first drink after work.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
My advice is to keep it simple....in the beginning, just get through the days without drinking. Change your routine, practice self care, and stock up on ice cream! Every day will feel like a small victory, as time goes by you will realize that you are going to win the war!! You can do it 
Congratulations for making the best decision of your life.
Congratulations for making the best decision of your life.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,152
Were things different before 2005, or was that just a time when you started to be concerned about your drinking?
I had concerns about my drinking for 30 years, just occasional red flag thoughts at first, but more serious flags and slightly more often later on. The progress of my alcoholism was a slow creep, hardly even noticeable. I had the feeling that I was OK most of the time, until I eventually realized I was not OK. I struggled on with being NOT OK, until my situation became intolerable. I became frightened and started watching my life fall apart month by month. Then I stopped drinking for good.
Looking back, I don't know why I waited so long. I messed up part of my life, but it's in the past and there's nothing I can do to get an instant replay. I am OK now, and it's a relief, but relief is actually a bit of an understatement.
I hope you can do this. Good luck.
I had concerns about my drinking for 30 years, just occasional red flag thoughts at first, but more serious flags and slightly more often later on. The progress of my alcoholism was a slow creep, hardly even noticeable. I had the feeling that I was OK most of the time, until I eventually realized I was not OK. I struggled on with being NOT OK, until my situation became intolerable. I became frightened and started watching my life fall apart month by month. Then I stopped drinking for good.
Looking back, I don't know why I waited so long. I messed up part of my life, but it's in the past and there's nothing I can do to get an instant replay. I am OK now, and it's a relief, but relief is actually a bit of an understatement.
I hope you can do this. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
After a decade of abusing alcohol and two additional decades of being a severe addict, I am three weeks sober. My life had become only drinking and working. I had lost everything else that made me happy. Being present for my kids, reading, walking, working out, writing, reading old cook books, cooking good food, and on and on and on. I had lost all of it. In three short weeks I can say that all of those things have returned to my life and have made me so happy. Welcome back BoothJ. Here we go. Let's do this together.
A lone wolf staring back at me
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: The good old midwest!
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by DriGuy 
Were things different before 2005, or was that just a time when you started to be concerned about your drinking?
I had concerns about my drinking for 30 years, just occasional red flag thoughts at first, but more serious flags and slightly more often later on. The progress of my alcoholism was a slow creep, hardly even noticeable. I had the feeling that I was OK most of the time, until I eventually realized I was not OK. I struggled on with being NOT OK, until my situation became intolerable. I became frightened and started watching my life fall apart month by month. Then I stopped drinking for good.
Looking back, I don't know why I waited so long. I messed up part of my life, but it's in the past and there's nothing I can do to get an instant replay. I am OK now, and it's a relief, but relief is actually a bit of an understatement.
I hope you can do this. Good luck.
I had concerns about my drinking for 30 years, just occasional red flag thoughts at first, but more serious flags and slightly more often later on. The progress of my alcoholism was a slow creep, hardly even noticeable. I had the feeling that I was OK most of the time, until I eventually realized I was not OK. I struggled on with being NOT OK, until my situation became intolerable. I became frightened and started watching my life fall apart month by month. Then I stopped drinking for good.
Looking back, I don't know why I waited so long. I messed up part of my life, but it's in the past and there's nothing I can do to get an instant replay. I am OK now, and it's a relief, but relief is actually a bit of an understatement.
I hope you can do this. Good luck.
A lone wolf staring back at me
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: The good old midwest!
Posts: 27
It was a sober day yesterday. I did get a little anxious in the evening but it passed. Feeling pretty good this morning, no fog. I am anxious for the general swelling to continue to go down. I am not thinking about being sober forever, it is to much to promise to myself. I am just thinking about being sober again today. Hope this finds you all well
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,152
Originally Posted by boothj9544
I am not thinking about being sober forever, it is to much to promise to myself. I am just thinking about being sober again today. Hope this finds you all well
It's just that sometimes what we want, even those things which seem so desirable and good, are beyond our capabilities. And that kept me in the game believing that I could someday achieve that, and I eventually found myself in the downward spiral after years of what in hind sight was just struggling without any reward. That was the worst thing that ever happened in my life. It was a hopeless and frightening experience. Recognizing that normal drinking was beyond my capability was the turning point for me. I don't know why it took so long or had to get so bad. Well, I do actually. It was because I was in denial.
I'm not going to tell you to stop drinking, but I hope you sort this out sooner than later, and well before you hit that downward spiral, I don't want to watch anyone get to that point. Almost all of us over the top problem drinkers go through a period of trying to moderate our drinking. Those who don't succeed are the identifiable alcoholics. I doubt that those who do succeed were alcoholics to begin with.
And for what it's worth, many normal people don't drink, even on the most special of occasions, and they are people enjoying their lives. The fact is that alcohol is not necessary for happiness. It's just something we do that we don't have to do. It has the approval of society, so I guess we feel entitled. But that doesn't mean it's good for us, and it's certainly not necessary.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,627
Welcome Booth. Join some of the threads in the Newcomer's forum. Maybe Class of December '19? I joined C/O March '16, and SR is part of my daily recovery routine. I put alt least much daily effort into my recovery as I used to in drinking. Support to you.
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