Three years sober and dealing with treatment resistant depression
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Three years sober and dealing with treatment resistant depression
hi all ..... I don’t even know where to begin . I quit drinking three years ago cold turkey and have not had a drink since. I thought it was the right decision however it has put me on a journey of total despair. I am experiencing my third recurrent depression that started after I quit drinking and I have not recovered from it . I have MDD, anxiety disorder and ocd along with the alcohol abuse diagnosis . I have been on 20 different medications in three years and nothing has helped . The last couple weeks have been the first time that I even felt remotely tempted to drink again because I cannot deal with the horrific pain of this depression . I am currently trying to ween off the three psych drugs I am on because nothing has helped . I have also been on ativan everyday for three years as I was to taper off of it once I found an SSRI to work, which I never did . I went to AA in the beginning but stopped when I felt confused by it all . I simply don’t know where to turn anymore. My therapist suggested that I go back to AA and give it another try . So to sum it all up ...... I gave up drinking three years ago, remained sober and am worse off with mental illness than I have ever been . The other two depressions were helped by medication, but not this time . While I was drinking heavily for 14 years , I was also going through menopause. I don’t know if drinking and menopause screwed up my brain chemistry so much that now I have a treatment resistant depression that is killing me . Thanks for listening.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi rharman
Congrats on 3 years but I'm sorry for your treatment resistant depression.
Tho my conditions are different, I've had to try a number of meds for various chronic conditions myself - some I lucked upon the right med first off and sometimes it took years of searching and trying.
I hope you won't give up looking for solutions.
I hope the support you'll find here will help, because I'm positive drinking again won't.
D
Congrats on 3 years but I'm sorry for your treatment resistant depression.
Tho my conditions are different, I've had to try a number of meds for various chronic conditions myself - some I lucked upon the right med first off and sometimes it took years of searching and trying.
I hope you won't give up looking for solutions.
I hope the support you'll find here will help, because I'm positive drinking again won't.
D
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
I can absolutely relate to this because I am going through the same thing. Make staying off alcohol an absolute priority through all of this. You cannot self medicate. Beyond that, make sure you are seeing a psychiatrist. Immediately. There are still options to treat your depression, but alcohol shouldn't be one of them. It is easy to self medicate when we are depressed. Don't do it. See a psychiatrist to treat this.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,335
I have treatment resistant depression. Sometimes a medicine that's been working, just stops being effective. My psychiatrist will see me more often and change up my meds till we land on something that works.
My drinking was at it's worst during menopause and I was coping with a difficult loss........in retrospect the drinking just made it worse.
I've found tapering medications hard. I usually end up doing it very slowly and sometimes just plateauing for while before reducing the dose again.
From my experience, I try not to make too many med changes at once....besides being challenging, it's hard to figure out what is and is not working.
Hang in there, it can and will get better. I've also found sticking to a good sleep schedule and daily exercise helps immensely. Big congratulation on your sobriety!
My drinking was at it's worst during menopause and I was coping with a difficult loss........in retrospect the drinking just made it worse.
I've found tapering medications hard. I usually end up doing it very slowly and sometimes just plateauing for while before reducing the dose again.
From my experience, I try not to make too many med changes at once....besides being challenging, it's hard to figure out what is and is not working.
Hang in there, it can and will get better. I've also found sticking to a good sleep schedule and daily exercise helps immensely. Big congratulation on your sobriety!
I hope you can get some help for your depression. 
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by HeadEast 
I can absolutely relate to this because I am going through the same thing. Make staying off alcohol an absolute priority through all of this. You cannot self medicate. Beyond that, make sure you are seeing a psychiatrist. Immediately. There are still options to treat your depression, but alcohol shouldn't be one of them. It is easy to self medicate when we are depressed. Don't do it. See a psychiatrist to treat this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by HeadEast
I can absolutely relate to this because I am going through the same thing. Make staying off alcohol an absolute priority through all of this. You cannot self medicate. Beyond that, make sure you are seeing a psychiatrist. Immediately. There are still options to treat your depression, but alcohol shouldn't be one of them. It is easy to self medicate when we are depressed. Don't do it. See a psychiatrist to treat this.
Originally Posted by Pondlady
I have treatment resistant depression. Sometimes a medicine that's been working, just stops being effective. My psychiatrist will see me more often and change up my meds till we land on something that works.
My drinking was at it's worst during menopause and I was coping with a difficult loss........in retrospect the drinking just made it worse.
I've found tapering medications hard. I usually end up doing it very slowly and sometimes just plateauing for while before reducing the dose again.
From my experience, I try not to make too many med changes at once....besides being challenging, it's hard to figure out what is and is not working.
Hang in there, it can and will get better. I've also found sticking to a good sleep schedule and daily exercise helps immensely. Big congratulation on your sobriety!
My drinking was at it's worst during menopause and I was coping with a difficult loss........in retrospect the drinking just made it worse.
I've found tapering medications hard. I usually end up doing it very slowly and sometimes just plateauing for while before reducing the dose again.
From my experience, I try not to make too many med changes at once....besides being challenging, it's hard to figure out what is and is not working.
Hang in there, it can and will get better. I've also found sticking to a good sleep schedule and daily exercise helps immensely. Big congratulation on your sobriety!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
I responded to the others but the comments didn’t come through . Thank you all for your replies. I have been seeing a psychiatrist for the three years I have been sober . We have tried over 18meds and combinations in three years and nothing has worked . I am tapering off the three I am currently on because I simply don’t know what else to do . I remain horribly depressed - never had any relief with all those meds . I am going back to AA in hopes that starting over there will help relieve this depression . I am focused on not drinking . As I said before , I have not felt tempted at all in three years but the longer the depression goes on, the more I think about it.
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
I did two years dry and ended up in the same predicament. It's actually pretty common, you can hear Clancy I talk about the same thing happening to him. (He is now 50 plus years sober in AA)
He likens it to the world going slowly grey then dark.
My suicide plan was to go off a bridge with a barbell chained to my ankles ... It was that or drink again.
so I drank again and got temporary relief for a month or so before I was back up to my eyeballs in booze.
So I went to AA and got in with some big book thumpers, did the steps.
Changed my life, sober and no more grey / dark world.
He likens it to the world going slowly grey then dark.
My suicide plan was to go off a bridge with a barbell chained to my ankles ... It was that or drink again.
so I drank again and got temporary relief for a month or so before I was back up to my eyeballs in booze.
So I went to AA and got in with some big book thumpers, did the steps.
Changed my life, sober and no more grey / dark world.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: France
Posts: 3,040
As someone who has a lot of experience in depression, alcohol will make it 10 times worse than ever, keep going back to the doctors to try other tablets, it’s taken me years to get the right medication after getting post natal and then it continuing, wishing you all the best
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by Bekindalways
Aargh Rharman, this so so sucks. Kudos to you for throwing everything you can at that damn black dog.
Does exercise help at all? I mean if you can do it. I understand if you can't.
Does exercise help at all? I mean if you can do it. I understand if you can't.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by Derringer
I did two years dry and ended up in the same predicament. It's actually pretty common, you can hear Clancy I talk about the same thing happening to him. (He is now 50 plus years sober in AA)
He likens it to the world going slowly grey then dark.
My suicide plan was to go off a bridge with a barbell chained to my ankles ... It was that or drink again.
so I drank again and got temporary relief for a month or so before I was back up to my eyeballs in booze.
So I went to AA and got in with some big book thumpers, did the steps.
Changed my life, sober and no more grey / dark world.
He likens it to the world going slowly grey then dark.
My suicide plan was to go off a bridge with a barbell chained to my ankles ... It was that or drink again.
so I drank again and got temporary relief for a month or so before I was back up to my eyeballs in booze.
So I went to AA and got in with some big book thumpers, did the steps.
Changed my life, sober and no more grey / dark world.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
As I said before , I have not felt tempted at all in three years but the longer the depression goes on, the more I think about it.
I really do hope you find a solution - but returning to drinking won't be it rharman.
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by Mummyto2
As someone who has a lot of experience in depression, alcohol will make it 10 times worse than ever, keep going back to the doctors to try other tablets, it’s taken me years to get the right medication after getting post natal and then it continuing, wishing you all the best
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by rharman
thank you for this . It gives me some encouragement that maybe AA can help . I keep thinking that AA is for overcoming alcohol addiction and mental health issues should be handled by a psychiatrist.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,668
I have had major depression, among other mental stuff- all my life. When I stopped drinking, my emotions woke up. Depression was worse- because I was in the real world. My sobriety does not help cure the depression, it gives me a level playing field to attempt to deal with it. It is still there- it waits. The best I have managed- is to still function, while always feeling self loathing, a failure- sad, to function with everyday life and perhaps grow and heal a little. This is because of CBT and ACT. Exercise and art help too.
My prayers and support to you.
Do not give up- you are not alone. Keep posting.
My prayers and support to you.
Do not give up- you are not alone. Keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
I didn't really have depression so far as I know or maybe it was undiagnosed until the last year's of drinking, then when I quit drinking it cleared up temporarily before coming back full force and worse than ever. I took Sertraline in high dose which helped initially before it dropped off in effectiveness to finally be of no real use.
The end goal of the 12 steps is a "spiritual awakening" ... This I credit with my sobriety and with my normal mental health to date.
Google the "9 step promises" to acquaint yourself with the outcomes that can be expected
The end goal of the 12 steps is a "spiritual awakening" ... This I credit with my sobriety and with my normal mental health to date.
Google the "9 step promises" to acquaint yourself with the outcomes that can be expected
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