Tetrax

It's hit me tonight like a train. There's zero chance I'm actually gonna drink but I've just gotta let it out somewhere.

I went to a great meeting yesterday but the one today just got me thinking, why do we all need to keep coming back???

'Cause we've all got it so bad, is why. So very very bad.

wildflower70

Keep reminding yourself how that "old flame" hurt you so badly;

Many, many sick days
Ruined holidays and vacations
Lost self esteem and self worth
Relationships put to the test, or lost
More money down the drain than you can count

Kick that old flame to the curb and let it stay there..

You've got this!!

least

Wildflower said it well. It brings nothing but misery and trouble. Aren't you coming up on 7 months sober? I'm glad you have 0 chance of drinking. Yeah, life sucks sometimes but my worst day sober is still much better than my best day drunk.

boreas

I’m fond of the break-up analogy. After all, wine was my best buddy and constant companion. And just like a break up, time passes and the bad fades away. Ah, the good times.

Then you kick yourself back to reality and realize that it was mostly pissing on the toilet seat, crumbs on the couch, and stealing the covers. Yep, dodged that bullet!

Just remember what it was really like.
-bora

Anna

Tetrax, have you read "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp? I think it might resonate with you.

Tetrax

Thanks for your replies. Just one of them days. I can truly feel when the depression lessens and the, let's say AUD, rises.

It's just various neuroses like storms passing through. Serenity shall return I'm sure, probably when I go on my next run tomorrow.

Also, one meeting a week is usually enough for me, maybe it's been too much talk on the subject (and oftentimes - frustratingly - talk AROUND the subject) for me this weekend.

And yeah I'm actually like seven and a half months sober or something. I wouldn't really **** with a streak like this.

faith823

It hit me like a train today too! I was planning the drink.
I am sooooooooooo glad I made it another day. I know in my heart
that I would of picked up for sure in the past even if I wanted to be Sober= it was just to painful my last drunk. Not drinking no matter what.

Tetrax

Yeah I've read it, maybe I should dig it out again. I've just finished Infinite Jest so I'm a bit lost without that particular companion of a book (which by the way def needs to go on the reading list, a truly great encyclopedic novel about addiction - took me five months).

Hevyn

Tetrax - I do know what you mean & agree about those feelings of 'lost love'. Eventually those thoughts faded away though - and I never long for it any more. I drank 30 yrs. & never expected it to be far from my thoughts - but it is.

silentrun

It was like that for me too. It took me 6 months to get to the point where I dedicated this song to my alcoholic life:




She's left me no chance at redemption
No further exemption
Just a big red "Goodbye" in lipstick on the wall
Goodbye says it all
No long explanation
No reconciliation
No let's-talk-it-over number I can call
Goodbye says it all
Goodbye

Anna

Added to the Book List.

brighterday1234

Dee74

sometimes the best thing for an old bad love is a good new one.

I love my life myself and my recovery - not every days a winner but they all beat drinking days

D

ciowa

This week i paid my first visit back to the home city i left a few months ago and walked thru the old neighborhood. Passed several bars and talked to a couole drinking buddies standing out front and continued in my way.

I too was feeling nostalgic but i had to remind myself that my drinking didnt stop at the bar but continued on by myself at my place, sometimes for days.

DontRemember

Once I got away from my toxic exAgf and had a couple months sober, I realized it was the exact same 'feeling'.. Now, a couple years later..I don't even think about either one that often. Still some random dreams and 'what if' moments pop up but, they fade quickly. Just keep doing the next best/right thing for YOU, is my advice.

snitch

I can really identify. I was the same. Still can be 19 months in. My alcoholism completely romanticizes the drink. Wine. My poison. (Literally). Willow's post hits the nail on the head. THINK THINK THINK those first couple of drinks ALL the way through to the bitter end. Well now, that I do not miss lol. Good old Serenity Prayer. I accept today that I am an alcoholic and cannot tolerate alcohol in any way shape or form. I can change my thinking around it and as Dee says build a life I love that I do not wish to escape from by drinking.

These thoights and feelings do come but it is what we do with them that matters. 7 months ago I bet you would have given anything to be where you are now? The good news is, by working our recovery pn a daily basis we never need to revisit the hell we were we in before. As long as we stay away from that FIRST drink

❤

Surrendered19

I am 17 days in but have been reading on SR for a few months. The most powerful suggestion thus far when struggling with temptation has been to just play the tape forward and look at how the first drink inevitably ends. I am very new but that particular visualization tool is extremely effective with me. Play the tape. Play the tape. I'm still working out my plan for this thing, but that one is powerful.

HeadEast

Great post. Thank you Surrendered.

Hodd

Kaily

Yeah I miss it, I would be lying if I said I didn't. Can't have it though, just can't.