blessing or curse
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
blessing or curse
Being a long time member of SR can be both a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing cause people know who you are and what your history is. It gives other members to use your past posts to help a person work through current issues. It helps people to get them back on track if they are having problems. Sometimes, reminders of what once was can help someone to get back what is most important and help to remember how bad things were, and how better things are.
But like all good things, there is a downside. I wouldn't admit that I am drinking now, cause some people would check my past posts and focus on them to find fault in my current situation and provide little support or suggestions.
Maybe some people feel that a member that have been here a long time have heard all the suggestions, so there is nothing left to say. They are probably right. But I think sometimes someone as hard headed as me has to hear the same stuff over and over again for it to eventually stick.
But even if it doesn't stick, knowing there are people out there with an open mind and a non judgemental attitude can help someone carrying the weight of alcoholism a bit more tolerable.
This post is not a put down on SR. It has helped me through many difficult times. The administrators and members are amazing people. This community has helped me to survive as I'm sure it has with other people. John
But like all good things, there is a downside. I wouldn't admit that I am drinking now, cause some people would check my past posts and focus on them to find fault in my current situation and provide little support or suggestions.
Maybe some people feel that a member that have been here a long time have heard all the suggestions, so there is nothing left to say. They are probably right. But I think sometimes someone as hard headed as me has to hear the same stuff over and over again for it to eventually stick.
But even if it doesn't stick, knowing there are people out there with an open mind and a non judgemental attitude can help someone carrying the weight of alcoholism a bit more tolerable.
This post is not a put down on SR. It has helped me through many difficult times. The administrators and members are amazing people. This community has helped me to survive as I'm sure it has with other people. John
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Derbyshire Dales, UK.
Posts: 2,618
Hi John 
It took a fair while for it to 'stick' with me but with the help and support of this forum alone, it did stick and I hope that you also receive support rather than criticism.
Good to see you posting
It took a fair while for it to 'stick' with me but with the help and support of this forum alone, it did stick and I hope that you also receive support rather than criticism. Good to see you posting
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Are you drinking now? When is your day one going to be?
Do not got give up on yourself. This is for you. This is your life.
You deserve to be sober. Please try not to think about what others might think. Unless you use their wisdom for support, guidance and motivation. I have relapsed many times. I am so grateful I have another chance. You do as well. Trust me if I end up in a jail, institution, nursing home or dead - I am going to be upset that I did not give myself another chance. I felt shame going back to AA as well but I am trying to save my life. Keep your head up and embrace all the people who care about you here and in the real world
xo keep going
Do not got give up on yourself. This is for you. This is your life.
You deserve to be sober. Please try not to think about what others might think. Unless you use their wisdom for support, guidance and motivation. I have relapsed many times. I am so grateful I have another chance. You do as well. Trust me if I end up in a jail, institution, nursing home or dead - I am going to be upset that I did not give myself another chance. I felt shame going back to AA as well but I am trying to save my life. Keep your head up and embrace all the people who care about you here and in the real world
xo keep going
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 456
Originally Posted by 2muchpain 
But I think sometimes someone as hard headed as me has to hear the same stuff over and over again for it to eventually stick.
But even if it doesn't stick, knowing there are people out there with an open mind and a non judgemental attitude can help someone carrying the weight of alcoholism a bit more tolerable.
John
But even if it doesn't stick, knowing there are people out there with an open mind and a non judgemental attitude can help someone carrying the weight of alcoholism a bit more tolerable.
John
I've thought of coming back under a different name, but I have been lying to myself for so long, I didn't want to pretend and lie to others here, so I stay who I am. Someone that keeps trying, drinking far less than I ever had, but still can't seem to kick it completely.
Once again I had some, "some" sober time in and last night, stress got to me, so I drank...... Didn't sleep and when I did, had nightmares, feel rough today. I don't want to drink, yet I do, "hair of the dog".
I get what you are saying. With me, I am thinking I am just getting to old to change. But, I am still not going to give up, I want to make this happen. And I know I am the one that has to make it happen. That part did sink in for me, I just need to apply it.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Originally Posted by time2
I am one of those hard headed people that needs to hear the same stuff over and over again. I recently crossed over in to my young 60's and being an everyday drinker since my early teens and married to an everyday drinker, I can't seem to stay afloat very long.
I've thought of coming back under a different name, but I have been lying to myself for so long, I didn't want to pretend and lie to others here, so I stay who I am. Someone that keeps trying, drinking far less than I ever had, but still can't seem to kick it completely.
Once again I had some, "some" sober time in and last night, stress got to me, so I drank...... Didn't sleep and when I did, had nightmares, feel rough today. I don't want to drink, yet I do, "hair of the dog".
I get what you are saying. With me, I am thinking I am just getting to old to change. But, I am still not going to give up, I want to make this happen. And I know I am the one that has to make it happen. That part did sink in for me, I just need to apply it.
I've thought of coming back under a different name, but I have been lying to myself for so long, I didn't want to pretend and lie to others here, so I stay who I am. Someone that keeps trying, drinking far less than I ever had, but still can't seem to kick it completely.
Once again I had some, "some" sober time in and last night, stress got to me, so I drank...... Didn't sleep and when I did, had nightmares, feel rough today. I don't want to drink, yet I do, "hair of the dog".
I get what you are saying. With me, I am thinking I am just getting to old to change. But, I am still not going to give up, I want to make this happen. And I know I am the one that has to make it happen. That part did sink in for me, I just need to apply it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hi John
I understand that people feel bad when they relapse.
Most of us here have been in the same situation and most of us treat the relapser with kindness and compassion.
Sometimes relaying someones words back to to them can be helpful. Sometimes its not.
I think by and large we get it right way more than we get it wrong.
The bottom line is we wouldn't be much good if relapsed people didn't feel welcome here, or didn't think they could be honest.
99.9999% of posts here are all about support or suggestions, John.
You, and everyone else here, is free to report those few exceptions and we'll take a look.
Of course, there will be some straight talking - cos this is a recovery site and the expectation is that we're all here because we want change. No ones going to tell anyone else here its ok to drink or whatever.
If there is a member or members whose tone is not helpful to you (or anyone else) you can always use the ignore function
Wishing you a happy and sober Xmas John
D
I understand that people feel bad when they relapse.
Most of us here have been in the same situation and most of us treat the relapser with kindness and compassion.
Sometimes relaying someones words back to to them can be helpful. Sometimes its not.
I think by and large we get it right way more than we get it wrong.
The bottom line is we wouldn't be much good if relapsed people didn't feel welcome here, or didn't think they could be honest.
99.9999% of posts here are all about support or suggestions, John.
You, and everyone else here, is free to report those few exceptions and we'll take a look
.Of course, there will be some straight talking - cos this is a recovery site and the expectation is that we're all here because we want change. No ones going to tell anyone else here its ok to drink or whatever.
If there is a member or members whose tone is not helpful to you (or anyone else) you can always use the ignore function
Wishing you a happy and sober Xmas John
D
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
John,
I lurked for years before I joined, and continued to drink for a bit after I set up an account. It was all part of my preparations for what I knew had to happen....putting it down. That journey isn’t here for you to go back and read, but the years and years of denial, justification, and self punishment are all part of me and what I remember when I see someone struggling. I think that type of a story is what we all share, whether it is written down or not.
In the end, all we can do is try to be a better person today than we were yesterday, and to set the same goal tomorrow. Don’t get hung up on what others think of your journey, because if you are anything like me that’s just more of the thinking that keeps you stuck.
Best wishes,
-bora
I lurked for years before I joined, and continued to drink for a bit after I set up an account. It was all part of my preparations for what I knew had to happen....putting it down. That journey isn’t here for you to go back and read, but the years and years of denial, justification, and self punishment are all part of me and what I remember when I see someone struggling. I think that type of a story is what we all share, whether it is written down or not.
In the end, all we can do is try to be a better person today than we were yesterday, and to set the same goal tomorrow. Don’t get hung up on what others think of your journey, because if you are anything like me that’s just more of the thinking that keeps you stuck.
Best wishes,
-bora
Last edited by boreas; 12-07-2019 at 04:11 PM. Reason: typo
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
John, I know you are aware you can use the Ignore function for anyone who posts something you don't like. You know you don't need to read posts that bother you. I believe everyone here does their best to help when a member posts, but as I said, you know you can choose to read or not read any or all posts.
As always, I hope you're doing well.
As always, I hope you're doing well.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,913
I read the post a little differently than others, I think. Was thinking it was just a commentary on how if you have been through stuff and been on the forum a good long while there’s a chance your own posts can kind of be used not against you exactly but In a way kind of against you—rather than the kind of advice you’d get if it was a first (or at least earlier) rodeo. I can see both sides —how it could be helpful or how it could be hurtful to be reminded of some of your own words, whether from a better or worse or just repetitive time. Guess the thread is aptly titled if I’m understanding it! Really no commentary other than that.
May we all find peace, solace and grace—and also have a good, sober weekend!
May we all find peace, solace and grace—and also have a good, sober weekend!
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
It takes a lot of courage to come back. I am in AA and the door is always open to anyone who relapses, the same as this site is always open. After all, where would we go? I myself am not immune to a relapse. I have to work my recovery programme on a daily basis to keep me well and stop me from picking up that first, fatal drink. Yesterday's shower won't keep me clean today lol.
Well done for posting and sharing. Are you still drinking now? We all have to start with a day one. Whether it is our first or our 100th. Get through this day only without picking up a drink. Pray, post, go to meeting. Keep sharing. Eat, walk, bath, scream, shout! Whatever it takes. Get your head on your pillow sober tonight. Just concentrate on this day only. You can do something for 12 hours that would appal you if you had ti keep it up for a lifetime. You can do this, you know you can and you know that sobriety, whilst it takes work, is totally worth it.
Welcome back. Stay. Read. Share .
🙏🙏🙏
Well done for posting and sharing. Are you still drinking now? We all have to start with a day one. Whether it is our first or our 100th. Get through this day only without picking up a drink. Pray, post, go to meeting. Keep sharing. Eat, walk, bath, scream, shout! Whatever it takes. Get your head on your pillow sober tonight. Just concentrate on this day only. You can do something for 12 hours that would appal you if you had ti keep it up for a lifetime. You can do this, you know you can and you know that sobriety, whilst it takes work, is totally worth it.
Welcome back. Stay. Read. Share .
🙏🙏🙏
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Just re read your post and am not aure if you are drinking or just musing ?
I have been sober avout 19 months and for the most part the obsession to drink has left me. About 3 weeks ago I could feel the obsession starting to creep in. That horrible gnawing feeling that I just didn't want to live my life without wine! Anyway it did pass and a couple of days later I was sat in my AA homegroup meeting and one lady (my ex sponsor actually) who has been sober for 5 years, was sharing how someone she knew had relapsed and she was really angry with her and intolerant of her situation she said she just couldn't understand why people would relapse??! In my share I said I could completely understand why someone would drink again. That when that obsession hits it is like being possessed by an entity. An entity that wants alcohol at any cost. My point is that people forget. In recovery, when we are not drinking and the obsession has left, it is very easy to forget just how hard it is to chained to alcohol. To wake up not giving a crap about anything except where our next drink is coming from.
I admire people who come back I really do. It could easily be me.
I have been sober avout 19 months and for the most part the obsession to drink has left me. About 3 weeks ago I could feel the obsession starting to creep in. That horrible gnawing feeling that I just didn't want to live my life without wine! Anyway it did pass and a couple of days later I was sat in my AA homegroup meeting and one lady (my ex sponsor actually) who has been sober for 5 years, was sharing how someone she knew had relapsed and she was really angry with her and intolerant of her situation she said she just couldn't understand why people would relapse??! In my share I said I could completely understand why someone would drink again. That when that obsession hits it is like being possessed by an entity. An entity that wants alcohol at any cost. My point is that people forget. In recovery, when we are not drinking and the obsession has left, it is very easy to forget just how hard it is to chained to alcohol. To wake up not giving a crap about anything except where our next drink is coming from.
I admire people who come back I really do. It could easily be me.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 456
Originally Posted by snitch
she said she just couldn't understand why people would relapse??! In my share I said I could completely understand why someone would drink again. That when that obsession hits it is like being possessed by an entity. An entity that wants alcohol at any cost. My point is that people forget. In recovery, when we are not drinking and the obsession has left, it is very easy to forget just how hard it is to chained to alcohol.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
John, how are you today? I drank this year, after two and a half years sober (on the back of decades of drinking). I posted on SR and was grateful to the kind folks who responded and offered me hands of support and encouragemen. I’m sober, once more 😃.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Originally Posted by snitch
Just re read your post and am not aure if you are drinking or just musing ?
I have been sober avout 19 months and for the most part the obsession to drink has left me. About 3 weeks ago I could feel the obsession starting to creep in. That horrible gnawing feeling that I just didn't want to live my life without wine! Anyway it did pass and a couple of days later I was sat in my AA homegroup meeting and one lady (my ex sponsor actually) who has been sober for 5 years, was sharing how someone she knew had relapsed and she was really angry with her and intolerant of her situation she said she just couldn't understand why people would relapse??! In my share I said I could completely understand why someone would drink again. That when that obsession hits it is like being possessed by an entity. An entity that wants alcohol at any cost. My point is that people forget. In recovery, when we are not drinking and the obsession has left, it is very easy to forget just how hard it is to chained to alcohol. To wake up not giving a crap about anything except where our next drink is coming from.
I admire people who come back I really do. It could easily be me.
I have been sober avout 19 months and for the most part the obsession to drink has left me. About 3 weeks ago I could feel the obsession starting to creep in. That horrible gnawing feeling that I just didn't want to live my life without wine! Anyway it did pass and a couple of days later I was sat in my AA homegroup meeting and one lady (my ex sponsor actually) who has been sober for 5 years, was sharing how someone she knew had relapsed and she was really angry with her and intolerant of her situation she said she just couldn't understand why people would relapse??! In my share I said I could completely understand why someone would drink again. That when that obsession hits it is like being possessed by an entity. An entity that wants alcohol at any cost. My point is that people forget. In recovery, when we are not drinking and the obsession has left, it is very easy to forget just how hard it is to chained to alcohol. To wake up not giving a crap about anything except where our next drink is coming from.
I admire people who come back I really do. It could easily be me.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 533
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
Your post reminded me of when I told the people at an AA meeting that I relapsed. This one guy used his fingers to make the shape of an L on his forehead, meaning of course, loser. Lessened learned. John
John if someone actually did that, I hope the lesson you learned was you need to speak up to the group about innapropriate behavior and that there are people who need to build themselves up by trying to put someone else down.
That person would have to be a serious mental case to call someone a loser if hes over the age of 5 years.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 690
It is hard to admit failure. I really admire those who come here and ask for help. Some again and again. After all it is a recovery site. I am so sorry that happened to you at an AA meeting. I cannot believe someone would be that insensitive. Please keep checking in to let us know how you are doing.
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