How do I tell my brain that I am not needing to work anymore
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 17
How do I tell my brain that I am not needing to work anymore
You know, like, relax? I guess this is a mechanism I never really fully developed, because honestly without alcohol I never HAVE relaxed. I have always worried about something, I have always been anxious over work/life/stress.
How do you guys do it? I could use some tips on that.
How do you guys do it? I could use some tips on that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 17
Tonight and tomorrow night I have to work so I know I will be fine without drinking for those 2 days. But I am worried that come the weekend I will need it. Otherwise, I feel like I won't be 'off' work at all. I will just be in limbo, waiting to go back to work.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
I have this issue as a result of trauma.
There are complex physical responses that occur after long-standing trauma and one of them is the inability to relax or feel safe or serene in almost all environments.
Just sharing in case you can relate.
There are complex physical responses that occur after long-standing trauma and one of them is the inability to relax or feel safe or serene in almost all environments.
Just sharing in case you can relate.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by OjaMentabe 
I am worried that come the weekend I will need it. Otherwise, I feel like I won't be 'off' work at all. I will just be in limbo, waiting to go back to work.
As for being "off" from work, you are off from work. So find something to do that isn't alcohol related. Here's a thought. Look up what's happening in the area that you can take the wife and kids to...and fake it till you make it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: South west uk
Posts: 960
Early days are tough to fill weekends if it used to be filled with drinking, but in time it gets easier, then eventually you stop thinking about it.
I can relate on always being in work mode. I’m a nightmare for thinking about work in the evenings and Sundays (work Saturdays) however now Sundays are about my wife and children, they now get my full attention. Anything work related can wait until I am back at work.
Not sure if this is helpful or not but thought I would share it
I can relate on always being in work mode. I’m a nightmare for thinking about work in the evenings and Sundays (work Saturdays) however now Sundays are about my wife and children, they now get my full attention. Anything work related can wait until I am back at work.
Not sure if this is helpful or not but thought I would share it
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Plan ahead for the weekend. Plan something different than you would normally do and get out and enjoy yourself. Exercise helps calm your mind, as does meditation. There are tons of good meditation videos on youtube. It's a process and you will have to learn to just 'be' sometimes. 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
I have a brain that won't switch off as well.
Over time, and without resorting to booze anymore I was able to refocus on being productive.
I also accepted that balance was needed tho.
It was hard to relax and 'do nothing' sober in the beginning but in time I got used to it.
I enjoy my down time now. (Its not really doing nothing)
It will take time, like Carl said, but the idea that only drinking will give you a break is an absolute lie.
D
Over time, and without resorting to booze anymore I was able to refocus on being productive.
I also accepted that balance was needed tho.
It was hard to relax and 'do nothing' sober in the beginning but in time I got used to it.
I enjoy my down time now. (Its not really doing nothing
)It will take time, like Carl said, but the idea that only drinking will give you a break is an absolute lie.
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 652
I hear you. I am the same. Since I quit drinking I work a lot.
Because I am not good at being still I tend to 'active relax' - walk, gym, spin. I see my neighbours reading a lot. That would be a long game goal. Not there yet. I think modern life makes it hard to switch off and take chill time
Because I am not good at being still I tend to 'active relax' - walk, gym, spin. I see my neighbours reading a lot. That would be a long game goal. Not there yet. I think modern life makes it hard to switch off and take chill time
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
All I can say is practice practice practice. I am doing like 60 hours a week and in recovery with 215 days of no sauce . I had to deprogram my thinking. Work week is work eat sleep repeat. Weekend. R&R family stuff. If you think about it . it goes pretty quick then it's prepping for the work week. You notice booze is not part of the equation . you can do it brother. ✌
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,912
What a great question. I am almost two years in and a lot of my sober classmates who quit at the same time and I all struggle with this same theme of finding the off switch. I think Dee as always hit the nail on the head with the part about alcohol offering the only relief valve being an absolute lie.
On the other hand, especially for Type A personalities, without booze it can be hard to give ourselves permission to just say [blank] it. When I was drinking it sort of felt like self preservation in the sense that I would tacitly give myself permission to be unproductive by being checked out thanks to booze. To do silly things like watch tv and veg out, or just look at old pictures, or listen to music on the front porch. All of those things are things I can do now but it’s harder to give myself permission to do them at least so far.
I guess like usual listening to the wise advice here of practice, practice, practice makes sense. After two years I definitely have gotten better at it: taking joy in early bedtime with a book, finding that if I’m sitting by a fire pretty much anywhere I really can just take a deep breath and feel relaxation and joy, etc. But I guess all by way of saying it’s something that takes somewhat of a conscious effort if booze has been your only pathway to get there in the past.
And whatever else fails, if you’re struggling to relax or juggle or whatever, just be sure to come here first if you’re tempted to drink.
Much luck to you!
On the other hand, especially for Type A personalities, without booze it can be hard to give ourselves permission to just say [blank] it. When I was drinking it sort of felt like self preservation in the sense that I would tacitly give myself permission to be unproductive by being checked out thanks to booze. To do silly things like watch tv and veg out, or just look at old pictures, or listen to music on the front porch. All of those things are things I can do now but it’s harder to give myself permission to do them at least so far.
I guess like usual listening to the wise advice here of practice, practice, practice makes sense. After two years I definitely have gotten better at it: taking joy in early bedtime with a book, finding that if I’m sitting by a fire pretty much anywhere I really can just take a deep breath and feel relaxation and joy, etc. But I guess all by way of saying it’s something that takes somewhat of a conscious effort if booze has been your only pathway to get there in the past.
And whatever else fails, if you’re struggling to relax or juggle or whatever, just be sure to come here first if you’re tempted to drink.
Much luck to you!
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
What a great question. I had a hard time with it in the beginning also. I would get so antsy and couldn't sit still. When I drank it was easy to waste time doing pretty much nothing - I sat around with friends drinking for hours and hours each week. I called it "socializing."
So in early days I had to figure out what to do with all that free time I suddenly had. I filled it up with meetings, outpatient treatment, reading recovery literature, hiking, cleaning, cooking elaborate things, really whatever I could find. I hated just sitting and trying to relax - my mind would just keep spinning and dwelling on the past and my shame, etc. It was awful. I didn't like to sit with my thoughts. Gradually, I was able to slow down. As I did the work of recovery, a lot of the negative thinking went away and I learned to meditate and just breathe. I was able to channel some of the energy in more positive and constructive ways. I can now just sit with a book, watch a movie without needing to do something else at the same time, or sit in nature and just enjoy the scenery. I still have lots of energy. I still work a lot. But I can give myself the gift of relaxation without feeling like I need to be doing something every minute of every day.
So in early days I had to figure out what to do with all that free time I suddenly had. I filled it up with meetings, outpatient treatment, reading recovery literature, hiking, cleaning, cooking elaborate things, really whatever I could find. I hated just sitting and trying to relax - my mind would just keep spinning and dwelling on the past and my shame, etc. It was awful. I didn't like to sit with my thoughts. Gradually, I was able to slow down. As I did the work of recovery, a lot of the negative thinking went away and I learned to meditate and just breathe. I was able to channel some of the energy in more positive and constructive ways. I can now just sit with a book, watch a movie without needing to do something else at the same time, or sit in nature and just enjoy the scenery. I still have lots of energy. I still work a lot. But I can give myself the gift of relaxation without feeling like I need to be doing something every minute of every day.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Work out until you are cross-eyed. Get a healthy food cook book and read it cover to cover. Meditate. Walk. I walk everywhere now because I have so much time to fill that I used to need to sleep off a drunk. One of my favorite things to do is take a backpack, hike 3 miles to the grocery store, do my shopping, then hike home. I've done that 4 or 5 times in the 16 days I've been sober. I'm new at this and am also still shifting gears into a normal life, searching for ways to occupy my mind and body now that I am not in a self-inflicted struggle to survive each day.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
My brain never had a problem with a segue from work to drinking, so I could use the same thought process but just sub relax for drinking.
"I worked hard. I deserve a reward. Time to drink." becomes "I worked hard. I deserve a reward. Time to relax."
"I can't believe my boss did that. It makes me so angry. I need to drink." becomes "I can't believe my boss did that. It makes me so angry. I need to relax."
Might seem stupid and absurd, but so is drinking. For me, recovery is a lot about changing thought processes. It is not as easy as the examples given make it seem, but those examples get my wheels spinning into investigating what makes nez tick, which is a good start on changing thought processes.
"I worked hard. I deserve a reward. Time to drink." becomes "I worked hard. I deserve a reward. Time to relax."
"I can't believe my boss did that. It makes me so angry. I need to drink." becomes "I can't believe my boss did that. It makes me so angry. I need to relax."
Might seem stupid and absurd, but so is drinking. For me, recovery is a lot about changing thought processes. It is not as easy as the examples given make it seem, but those examples get my wheels spinning into investigating what makes nez tick, which is a good start on changing thought processes.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1,065
I have always experienced a problem shutting off, being still. To the point I used to abhor people who didn't work. I am probably the reason my one child is anxious. I accept that, hate I have probably done this to a child and try to do better.
I wound down my main business interest this week. I had a day off, I didn't know what to do with myself between 5am and 8:30 when I drive the girls to school. It was bizarre to just sit.
The longer I am sober, the easier it gets.
I think it is unique to some of us, the way we are results, goal driven, work minded, the way alcohol gripped us, it almost complimentary to the fast paced lifestyle. We take booze out of the equation, start looking at our lives, get back the 3-5 hours a night we wasted, it is do different than what we have lived for so many years.
I was at everything my kids do, but I was never present. Now I am, it was so hard to learn. So hard to quiet my brain. So hard to go to a dance recital and not think, how can I monetize this event for my gain, because that's how my brain works. Sit down, zip it and watch your kid dance A whole new world.
I wound down my main business interest this week. I had a day off, I didn't know what to do with myself between 5am and 8:30 when I drive the girls to school. It was bizarre to just sit.
The longer I am sober, the easier it gets.
I think it is unique to some of us, the way we are results, goal driven, work minded, the way alcohol gripped us, it almost complimentary to the fast paced lifestyle. We take booze out of the equation, start looking at our lives, get back the 3-5 hours a night we wasted, it is do different than what we have lived for so many years.
I was at everything my kids do, but I was never present. Now I am, it was so hard to learn. So hard to quiet my brain. So hard to go to a dance recital and not think, how can I monetize this event for my gain, because that's how my brain works. Sit down, zip it and watch your kid dance
A whole new world.
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