OjaMentabe

Hi. I'm a 34 year old male and I think I am probably an alcoholic. I haven't ever been given a specific diagnoses or anything, but I know that I often need it to feel ok.

Lately I am having a hard time understanding why I keep doing this to myself. My life is not that bad, really. Pretty "normal" I guess you could say. Maybe it's the normalcy I resent. I don't know.

Anyway, I have tried AA online before and I did not care for their preachiness. I am an atheist and had a hard time reconciling a "higher being" or leaning on them for guidance. They were well intentioned people, but that system just wasn't for me.

I am scared I am setting a bad example for my kids, and I am sometimes a lacking husband because I am more concerned with getting ripped and running away then I am about her own needs. She has been very tolerant of my whimsy, and I feel bad that I am never really, well, there.

Any help you guys could provide would be great. Like I said, no AA. though.

Thanks for listening. This already helped a little.

least

Welcome to the family. AA is not the only way to get sober. There are many recovery methods. I don't think it matters so much what you do to stay sober, just that you do it like your life depends on it - cause it does. Reading and posting here has helped me tremendously over the last 10 yrs. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.

OjaMentabe

Any ideas where I should start? I associate drinking with a lot of things now, and am worried that I will either boring or mad or stressed out or sad without it.

Pretty much all my free time in some way requires it, or at least greatly enhances it. I'm afraid my whole life is a trigger, it seems.

NerfThis

Welcome Oja! I was 34 when I decided I really did have a problem that needed to be stopped. I joined this forum, have kept close to it and am now nearly 500 days sober. There was nothing bad in my life. I just drank too much, too often, for no reason other than alcoholism.

As least said, there are many way to get sober. I didn't use AA. I just used this forum and made the decision that I can never drink again. However, had this forum not worked, I'd have explored other methods (AA included, even if I'd found it less than favourable in the past)

If one method doesn't work, don't rule out trying others, even if it's a method you've had issues with in the past.

OjaMentabe

Ok, I will keep trying. I'm just nervous this is going to be pretty difficult. I don't really want to deal with things. I just want to avoid them, silence them, run away from them. Is that normal?

JustTony

It can be normal for some people with a drink problem. I for one identify.

The problem with excessive use of alcohol is it makes that kind of anxiety worse. It becomes an ever deepening vicious circle until you can be literally jumping at a quick surprise glimpse of your own shadow.

The way to stop the demons talking to you is to stop drinking.

doggonecarl

Normal? For the addict/alcoholic it's normal. Drink to cope.

One of the changes you are going to have to make is dealing with life sober. That may include new coping strategies. It may include being uncomfortable, perhaps even miserable, when we decide to no longer avoid, silence, or run away from the things we don't want to deal with.

It's said that when a problem drinker quits drinking, the problems go away. When an alcoholic quits drinking, the problems begin.

Why is this? Because alcohol is the solution to the alcoholic's problems. When we become sober, we need to find new solutions. That's where recovery comes in--learning to live and love the sober life.

decchemist

Really? Requires it? You can't seriously believe that you are required to drink.

I know you said no AA but just to correct your wording, AA talk about a higher power which does not have to be a person at all. Someone I know told me his higher power was time, which I thought was really interesting. I too am an atheist and do not use AA. My sister is an atheist and has been going to AA for well over 20 years. Be open minded.

You are a youngster, relative to many, and now is a great time to quit. I wish I had quit at your age.

As far as a diagnosis goes, there isn't one really. If you are unhappy about your alcohol use then it doesn't matter what you call it, you need to do something about it.

Welcome!

least

Try posting here if you feel like drinking. We'll do our best to talk you out of it.

I too wondered what my life would be like if I didn't drink. I thought it would be boring. I was so wrong! My life might not be 'exciting', but there's no drama in it, and I like the peace and quiet of a sober life.

OjaMentabe

Truth is, I can't be myself without it. I don't know why. I guess I feel like I can finally be 'myself' when I am drunk. I have a very hard time expressing myself in any other circumstance, it's like beer is the key that opens the door. I am scared I won't feel anything, express anything, anymore. I just want to be able to be happy again like I was when I was a kid. Is that so wrong? I keep reaching for it and it keeps getting farther away, like some cruel joke. The beer is never enough, but I don't know any other way to even get close to what I thought I wanted to be.

JustTony

That’s the drunk ‘you’ talking. You’ve forgotten who the sober ‘you’ is.

I speak from experience.

SoberRican

Hello my friend and welcome. Well from what I read. My opinion is first thing is you got to give up the sauce. And that is a process for sure. But it can be done. I dont go to AA but I apply the things they say that work for me. Like the one day at a time thing. Think about it. Can you not drink for 24 hours? Odds are you can. Then the next day you say I am not drinking today. Before you know it you will be at 215 days like me. Again its different strokes for different folks. Stick around. ✌

OjaMentabe

That's probably true. How do I get back then?

Delilah1

Welcome to SR Oja!

This site has been my biggest support in recovery. January 1st I will have four years sober, and now I can’t imagine myself ever drinking alcohol again. Some of the things that really helped me were:
-Reading and Posting daily on SR, I still do this.
-Reading recovery related books, I learned from each person’s story, there is a thread with a list of titles, I will post it below.
-Exercise, I try to go for a walk outdoors everyday, the combinations of exercise and nature calms me. Sometimes I will go for short walks throughout the work day if I won’t have time after work,
- Mindfulness, I work really hard to remain in the present moment, this is still challenging for me, but I cannot change the past, only learn from it, and worrying about what “might” happen just causes unnecessary stress.

I’m really glad you found SR, it is an incredible support. Two threads you may want to join in on are:
-Class of December 2019, you will find others who have committed or recommitted to sobriety this months the class of January 2016 was a big part of my support system.
-The 24 Hour Recovery Thread. This is a great place where everyone checks in for the next 24 hours, we also share what’s going on in our daily lives, the stresses and celebrations, it would be great to have you join us.

Glad you’re here!

OjaMentabe

Ok I don't see a class of December 2019. Is there a link for it somewhere?

Pouncer

Pouncer

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-1-a-9.html (Class of December 2019 part 1)

(I joined the December class yesterday).

Anna

Hi,

Welcome! I would say that stopping drinking is the first step, but the hard part is staying sober and learning to live your life without alcohol. It's hard, but you can do it. I'm not an AA person either and I think motivation is more important than a specific program.

Here is a link with lots of good info:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...at-we-did.html (Recovery Programs & What to Expect (What We Did))

Delilah1

Here is the link to the book list. It’s a good one.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ependence.html (Books on Recovery, Spirituality & Codependence)

Delilah1

Hi Oja,

Here is the link to the 24 hour thread. It’s a great place to just commit to remaining sober for today, and then do the same tomorrow. After a bit you’ll feel like you have a new family, everyone shares the good, the bad, and the ugly, and we all support each other.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-465-a.html (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 465)