Day 1 again - let myself down
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,254
Day 1 again - let myself down
Day 1 again, i messed up yesterday and drank, totally stupid and i knew it was going to happen but didn't put action in place to stop it. I had no plans for yesterday and thought a few drink would be good, stupid stupid and more stupid, i need to make sure i have plans for every day
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Sorry that you are back to day one. My history has a lot of day ones, so I can relate. A simple plan could be, before going to a drink, go to the keyboard and type a post on here. Wait for replies, and then reply to the replies. I find that using the keyboard puts me in touch with my soul, which helps to offset the chattering monkeys in my cranium. :~)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Originally Posted by Tinkerbeau 
Day 1 again, i messed up yesterday and drank, totally stupid and i knew it was going to happen but didn't put action in place to stop it. I had no plans for yesterday and thought a few drink would be good, stupid stupid and more stupid, i need to make sure i have plans for every day
What emotion did you feel right before you decided to take that drink?
Reasons for drinking are driven by emotional factors, usually feelings of helplessness (about whatever in life makes one feel overwhelmingly trapped). People drink to regain control of their intolerably helpless feelings!
Escape the trap and empower yourself with some other high value behavior that is important to you.
This is exactly what normal drinkers do. The feel tipsy and start to lose control and don't like they way they feel and stop. They value not losing control, not having a hanger, making a fool of themselves.
All human behavior is driven by the pursuit of happiness (reward) and that, when you choose to do something, you do so because you see it as your best available option. This concept is vitally important because the only way you will stop desiring heavy substances and change your behavior is by seeing more happiness in the change than in the using.
When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction.
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
I’m sorry you drank again Tinker. You mentioned not having a plan for yesterday and making sure you have plans for everyday. Are you taking about a recovery plan or just staying busy kind of stuff? In either case boredom is sometimes a trigger so staying busy helps but it’s not everything. Can you dissect how you were feeling leading up to drinking as CRRHCC mentioned?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Big hugs to you Tinkerbeau. I know hard hard it is. I had to be totally broken and on my knees to surrender and admit to my innermost self that I am an alcoholic and needed help. I couldn't do it alone.
You know I am AA and that is the only way I know to get sober and therefore I can only share with you what I have experienced myself. However, there are many people here who got sober other ways. It is about finding the right recovery plan for you. Putting down the drink is just not enough. The last time you drank you nearly lost your son. You said you were done with alcohol. Yet you say you thought a few drinks would be a good idea. Can you see the insanity of the alcoholic thinking? Your alcoholism wants you to drink and you have no defense against that first drink. I bet the thought of losing your son didn't even cross your mind? Or if it did maybe your head told you it will be different this time? This is alcoholism and you need to find a way to treat it because next time you drink you may actually lose your son for good.
Please don't take this post as me judging you. I am not! I have been where you are. I would come to in the morning and couldn't remember putting my daughter to bed, if I fed her, bathed her. I even had to check she was still breathing because if anything had happened to her in the night I would never have know I was so effing drunk. And I STILL drank after that. I am so, so grateful today that nothing bad ever happened to her. As long as I stay away from a drink one day at a time, practice my recovery every single day , then she will never be in danger with me through drinking ever again. But I have to work at it on a daily basis. Yesterday's shower isnt going to keep me clean today.
I am grateful i know what i am today. I am an alcoholic with a physicall allergy to alcohol and a mental obsession. I treat the physical allergy by not putting that first drink in me, I treat the mental obsession with my recovery programme. The 12 steps, prayer, meditation, meetings, logging on to SR to my daily support group, reading AA literature, helping others, practicing gratitude.
You say you have no friends or no one close to you. I honestly think you would benefit from finding a female sponsor in AA. You would have f2f support and working the steps is treating the hole in my soul. The void that I filled with alcohol. Admitting to my innermost self that I am an alcoholic has turned from being the worst thing ever to the best thing.
Please do not let fear or pride stop you from walking into an AA meeting. If not AA then maybe Smart. You really are fighting for your life here and the life of your son.
Always here for you and I just want to add that from my own experience , I can tell you if you put the work in life will just get better. You will feel peace, serenity, real joy and happiness. It is hard work but it is 100% worth it. We will only find misery, darkness and despair in the bottom of a bottle.
Be kind to yourself the next few days. You are siick person who wants to get well not a bad person who wants to be good.
Lots of love.
🙏❤🙏❤
You know I am AA and that is the only way I know to get sober and therefore I can only share with you what I have experienced myself. However, there are many people here who got sober other ways. It is about finding the right recovery plan for you. Putting down the drink is just not enough. The last time you drank you nearly lost your son. You said you were done with alcohol. Yet you say you thought a few drinks would be a good idea. Can you see the insanity of the alcoholic thinking? Your alcoholism wants you to drink and you have no defense against that first drink. I bet the thought of losing your son didn't even cross your mind? Or if it did maybe your head told you it will be different this time? This is alcoholism and you need to find a way to treat it because next time you drink you may actually lose your son for good.
Please don't take this post as me judging you. I am not! I have been where you are. I would come to in the morning and couldn't remember putting my daughter to bed, if I fed her, bathed her. I even had to check she was still breathing because if anything had happened to her in the night I would never have know I was so effing drunk. And I STILL drank after that. I am so, so grateful today that nothing bad ever happened to her. As long as I stay away from a drink one day at a time, practice my recovery every single day , then she will never be in danger with me through drinking ever again. But I have to work at it on a daily basis. Yesterday's shower isnt going to keep me clean today.
I am grateful i know what i am today. I am an alcoholic with a physicall allergy to alcohol and a mental obsession. I treat the physical allergy by not putting that first drink in me, I treat the mental obsession with my recovery programme. The 12 steps, prayer, meditation, meetings, logging on to SR to my daily support group, reading AA literature, helping others, practicing gratitude.
You say you have no friends or no one close to you. I honestly think you would benefit from finding a female sponsor in AA. You would have f2f support and working the steps is treating the hole in my soul. The void that I filled with alcohol. Admitting to my innermost self that I am an alcoholic has turned from being the worst thing ever to the best thing.
Please do not let fear or pride stop you from walking into an AA meeting. If not AA then maybe Smart. You really are fighting for your life here and the life of your son.
Always here for you and I just want to add that from my own experience , I can tell you if you put the work in life will just get better. You will feel peace, serenity, real joy and happiness. It is hard work but it is 100% worth it. We will only find misery, darkness and despair in the bottom of a bottle.
Be kind to yourself the next few days. You are siick person who wants to get well not a bad person who wants to be good.
Lots of love.
🙏❤🙏❤
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,254
Thank you for all your replies, beforei drank i was feeling stressed and had too much time on my hands. I know i needto work harder at recovery I am going to start by using the recovery plan info on here to write myself a plan.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,536
I wish it didn't take us so long to finally realize there's no comfort or escape when we drink. I had to prove it to myself so many times. Finally got it after 30 yrs. of self-sabotage. You are getting ready for sobriety, Tinker. 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
beforei drank i was feeling stressed and had too much time on my hands.
while having a recovery plan is good, the above situation is a fairly normal one that is bound to come up from time to time. the critical element is to make the decision that "I will not drink, no matter what, not under any circumstances whatsoever" and then to reaffirm as often as necessary.
we have to develop an aversion to the notion that a drink will EVER be a good idea. for us. others that can can just lap 'em up - our only concern is that WE do not take that first drink.
in the Basic Text of NA, they talk about reservations in very simple yet articulate words:
Until we let go of our reservations, no matter what they are,
the foundation of our recovery is in danger. Reservations rob us
of the benefits that this program has to offer. In ridding ourselves
of all reservations, we surrender. Then, and only then, can we be
helped to recover from the disease of addiction
We are never forced into relapse. We are given a choice. Relapse is never an accident.
Relapse is a sign that we have a reservation in our program.
We begin to slight our program and leave loopholes in our daily lives. Unaware of the pitfalls ahead,
we stumble blindly in the belief that we can make it on our own.
while having a recovery plan is good, the above situation is a fairly normal one that is bound to come up from time to time. the critical element is to make the decision that "I will not drink, no matter what, not under any circumstances whatsoever" and then to reaffirm as often as necessary.
we have to develop an aversion to the notion that a drink will EVER be a good idea. for us. others that can can just lap 'em up - our only concern is that WE do not take that first drink.
in the Basic Text of NA, they talk about reservations in very simple yet articulate words:
Until we let go of our reservations, no matter what they are,
the foundation of our recovery is in danger. Reservations rob us
of the benefits that this program has to offer. In ridding ourselves
of all reservations, we surrender. Then, and only then, can we be
helped to recover from the disease of addiction
We are never forced into relapse. We are given a choice. Relapse is never an accident.
Relapse is a sign that we have a reservation in our program.
We begin to slight our program and leave loopholes in our daily lives. Unaware of the pitfalls ahead,
we stumble blindly in the belief that we can make it on our own.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,916
i need to make sure i have plans for every day
That sounds like a lot of work.
Really, all you need is 1 plan. You need a detailed plan on how to stay sober everyday. There are lots of ideas on this website (spend some time reading), and you can also get some real time advice (and maybe even a sponsor) at an AA meeting.
Once you have your 1 plan in place, you just follow it day after day (occasionally you may need to tweak it).
All of the other plans you need to accomplish things in life, job, school, relationships, health, whatever, you make as you live your life.
And it's a helluva lot easier to make, and achieve, those other plans if you follow your sobriety plan everyday.
That sounds like a lot of work.
Really, all you need is 1 plan. You need a detailed plan on how to stay sober everyday. There are lots of ideas on this website (spend some time reading), and you can also get some real time advice (and maybe even a sponsor) at an AA meeting.
Once you have your 1 plan in place, you just follow it day after day (occasionally you may need to tweak it).
All of the other plans you need to accomplish things in life, job, school, relationships, health, whatever, you make as you live your life.
And it's a helluva lot easier to make, and achieve, those other plans if you follow your sobriety plan everyday.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,382
I'm sorry you drank TB.
I agree with the others here - staying busy is good but no one can be busy all day everyday so any kind of plan that hinges on always being busy is going to fall down sometime.
I had a serious health condition called addiction.
I didn't need a plan to stay busy - I needed a plan to stop drinking.
I had to make changes in my life, and I had to find the right support to help me make those changes - and stick to them.
I had to be willing to do other things other than drinking - and do those things before I picked up a drink again whether it's posting here, going to AA or some other meeting based recovery method, inpatient or outpatient rehab.
I'm so thrilled you got a little bit of sober time under your belt this time - but you don't want what happened a few weeks ago to happen again.
Convincing yourself it was ok to drink again, after all that, is madness, TB.
I'm not judging you by any means - just stating the obvious really - you need to fight with both hands against an enemy like this.
Please do, ok?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html
D
I agree with the others here - staying busy is good but no one can be busy all day everyday so any kind of plan that hinges on always being busy is going to fall down sometime.
I had a serious health condition called addiction.
I didn't need a plan to stay busy - I needed a plan to stop drinking.
I had to make changes in my life, and I had to find the right support to help me make those changes - and stick to them.
I had to be willing to do other things other than drinking - and do those things before I picked up a drink again whether it's posting here, going to AA or some other meeting based recovery method, inpatient or outpatient rehab.
I'm so thrilled you got a little bit of sober time under your belt this time - but you don't want what happened a few weeks ago to happen again.
Convincing yourself it was ok to drink again, after all that, is madness, TB.
I'm not judging you by any means - just stating the obvious really - you need to fight with both hands against an enemy like this.
Please do, ok?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
"before i drank i was feeling stressed and had too much time on my hands."
Reasons for drinking are driven by emotional factors, usually feelings of helplessness (about whatever in life makes me feel overwhelmingly trapped). These circumstances that drive intolerable helplessness must be vitally important to us. (loss of spouse or loved one, income, etc). Obviously, the circumstances vary from person to person. Escape the helplessness trap with a high value behavior that empowers you to regain control. (music, exercise, pray, journal, etc).
It's not stinkin thinking, it all about control, specifically emotional control. Do you regain control with a displaced behavior such as drinking or do you regain control with a direct healthy behavior that empowers you?
The choice is yours. Choose the option that is the bigger, better offer(reward) in the long run.
Reasons for drinking are driven by emotional factors, usually feelings of helplessness (about whatever in life makes me feel overwhelmingly trapped). These circumstances that drive intolerable helplessness must be vitally important to us. (loss of spouse or loved one, income, etc). Obviously, the circumstances vary from person to person. Escape the helplessness trap with a high value behavior that empowers you to regain control. (music, exercise, pray, journal, etc).
It's not stinkin thinking, it all about control, specifically emotional control. Do you regain control with a displaced behavior such as drinking or do you regain control with a direct healthy behavior that empowers you?
The choice is yours. Choose the option that is the bigger, better offer(reward) in the long run.
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