New Here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 15
New Here
Hi All,
Long time lurker recently registered. A bit about me -25 years of drinking often moderately and sometimes problematically. That’s what’s made it so hard for me to quit drinking because it’s so easy to look at the periods of time where nothing bad happened and be able to justify the blackout disaster nights as “well that got a little out of hand ha ha let’s skip the rounds of double shots next time and all good”. But inevitably it happens again.
The good news is right now I am approaching 120 days of complete abstinence from alcohol and I’ve never felt better!
I wanted to start actively posting because I find myself thinking maybe I can control it and successfully moderate this time and I want a place to document my thoughts as I progress on this journey.
Here’s the problem with me trying to moderate, even if I can successfully keep from blacking out and keep from being my worst self, I’m guaranteeing I won’t be my best self and perhaps guaranteeing that is a worse result than an occasional bad night.
So moving on to month 5 and looking forward to the journey!
Long time lurker recently registered. A bit about me -25 years of drinking often moderately and sometimes problematically. That’s what’s made it so hard for me to quit drinking because it’s so easy to look at the periods of time where nothing bad happened and be able to justify the blackout disaster nights as “well that got a little out of hand ha ha let’s skip the rounds of double shots next time and all good”. But inevitably it happens again.
The good news is right now I am approaching 120 days of complete abstinence from alcohol and I’ve never felt better!
I wanted to start actively posting because I find myself thinking maybe I can control it and successfully moderate this time and I want a place to document my thoughts as I progress on this journey.
Here’s the problem with me trying to moderate, even if I can successfully keep from blacking out and keep from being my worst self, I’m guaranteeing I won’t be my best self and perhaps guaranteeing that is a worse result than an occasional bad night.
So moving on to month 5 and looking forward to the journey!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Welcome to the family. 
As our Dee says so often, abstinence is not control. Just because we stay sober doesn't mean we can drink normally.
Congrats on your sober time!
I hope we can help you stay sober for good.
As our Dee says so often, abstinence is not control. Just because we stay sober doesn't mean we can drink normally. Congrats on your sober time!
I hope we can help you stay sober for good. Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Welcome. I look forward to hearing more about your Sober journey. I am so glad you are feeling better. I understand it is no fun trying to successfully not black out- or be your worst person. It is not worth drinking-its awful, scary and soul crushing.
120 days is remarkable. I am on day 36 . Shaky earlier today but got through the worst of it with all the support here.
120 days is remarkable. I am on day 36 . Shaky earlier today but got through the worst of it with all the support here.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I found trying to moderate my drinking was exhausting and depressing. I thought about it all the time. Quitting alcohol for good was really much easier. Congratulations on 4 months of recovery!
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Hi RPM. I’m glad you’ve been lurking but more glad you’ve started posting. Congrats on you alcohol free time. I agree with Anna. It’s much easier to quit than moderate. Moderation is prolonged suffering imo.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Congrats on your 120 days, RPM! I agree that the times we're able to control ourselves serve to keep us drinking. I always insisted if I used enough willpower I could be a social drinker. As the years went on, the 'manageable' drinking sessions became less & less - then non existent. In the end, I drank all day. You're wise to take action now.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by RPM 
Here’s the problem with me trying to moderate, even if I can successfully keep from blacking out and keep from being my worst self, I’m guaranteeing I won’t be my best self and perhaps guaranteeing that is a worse result than an occasional bad night.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,164
Originally Posted by RPM
[left]
The good news is right now I am approaching 120 days of complete abstinence from alcohol and I’ve never felt better!
I wanted to start actively posting because I find myself thinking maybe I can control it and successfully moderate this time and I want a place to document my thoughts as I progress on this journey.
The good news is right now I am approaching 120 days of complete abstinence from alcohol and I’ve never felt better!
I wanted to start actively posting because I find myself thinking maybe I can control it and successfully moderate this time and I want a place to document my thoughts as I progress on this journey.
I'm pretty sure every alcoholic attempts moderation at some point. It would be the logical thing to do if it actually worked. Some recognize it doesn't work sooner than others. Other's keep trying to smash that square peg into the round hole.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 15
Thank you all for the warm welcome, encouragement and your perspectives!
There were a couple comments on "abstinence doesn't equal control" and "moderation is exhausting" that caused me to reflect further.
My initial post stated my drinking was "often moderate". I don't think that is completely honest upon reflection.
My periods of non problematic drinking were typically several weeks to maybe a couple months of complete abstinence followed by bargaining that I'll drink at a work function, but get the beer with the least alcohol content and only have two. So following that rule things worked ok and eventually would start getting a few 9% IPA's on a weekend, then maybe midweek, and eventually every day to where at a minimum drinking 4 per day and much more on weekends.
And for long periods of time, that would work, until it wouldn't and I'd have an all day bender and a blackout which is horrible.
"Moderation is Exhausting" is so true. So much harder than just being abstinent.
Most importantly I'm at the phase where I can say confidently that I am an alcoholic. I didn't ask to be one, I don't deserve to be one, it's not my fault I am one, I just am one, I don't have a choice. And there is nothing wrong with that as long as I continue to make the choice to abstain. That I can control.
Stay strong all, I'm glad to be here!
There were a couple comments on "abstinence doesn't equal control" and "moderation is exhausting" that caused me to reflect further.
My initial post stated my drinking was "often moderate". I don't think that is completely honest upon reflection.
My periods of non problematic drinking were typically several weeks to maybe a couple months of complete abstinence followed by bargaining that I'll drink at a work function, but get the beer with the least alcohol content and only have two. So following that rule things worked ok and eventually would start getting a few 9% IPA's on a weekend, then maybe midweek, and eventually every day to where at a minimum drinking 4 per day and much more on weekends.
And for long periods of time, that would work, until it wouldn't and I'd have an all day bender and a blackout which is horrible.
"Moderation is Exhausting" is so true. So much harder than just being abstinent.
Most importantly I'm at the phase where I can say confidently that I am an alcoholic. I didn't ask to be one, I don't deserve to be one, it's not my fault I am one, I just am one, I don't have a choice. And there is nothing wrong with that as long as I continue to make the choice to abstain. That I can control.
Stay strong all, I'm glad to be here!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Congrats on the sober time. That's a nice foundation to work from and with. As far as "moderation", I could go on. And on. But suffice to say
those who can moderate, don't need to; those who need to moderate, can't.
Best of luck on your sober journey. I hope you find permanency as your answer sooner than later.
those who can moderate, don't need to; those who need to moderate, can't.
Best of luck on your sober journey. I hope you find permanency as your answer sooner than later.
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