Apri

I know we aren't suppose to venture over to the "other side". I unfortunately find myself a double winner. I can see both sides pretty clearly. The amount of hate and anger on the family side is clearly real. I only want to warn the newbies not to read that yet. I am very sober for a long time and some of the comments still ring hateful. I totally believe and validate the feelings, but sometimes kicking someone when they are down isn't helpful. I realize the response i will get is to stay on my side of the street. That everyone is entitled to the anger. Just saying, if you want to read the other side, please be open and prepared.

littlesister1

You have no idea what we family members have put up with.

IF, big IF, there is hate you have brought it on yourself.

You have some gall

Apri

This is a bit of what i was saying. I am very sorry for your pain. I have experienced myself. I understand the anger/ hate. I think you misunderstand my post. I have compassion for all sides. Yes, i have caused pain. I own that and if you knew me personally you would know i give more than 30 hours a week to charity to give back. However, you don't I know anything more than i have an alcohol problem. That's fair i suppose that you react in the way you do.
My only thought was to reach out to the newly sober. I can completely understand your viscerally based response.
I don't pretend to know you, please have a heart and don't assume everyone what you assume.
prays to you and your brother

suki44883

We can venture onto any forum on SR. There are no rules against it. I am also a double winner and can identify with both sides.

newhope01

trailmix

Apri, I don't think you are wrong to caution new folks from visiting the friends and family forums. Although you can be here for years and still be offended by them.

It is normally where I post.

I think the understanding has to be that it is a safe place for family and friends to vent their frustrations, get advice and read stories from other members that have experienced similar situations.

Just like if a person wandered in to this forum and read something along the lines of - I have been drunk for 30 years, I have been sober for a year and now my wife won't forgive me - well that might touch a nerve with a friend or family member who has been on the receiving end of that behaviour.

I don't see hate over there (by and large). Some people are at the end of their rope in many cases, who may have suffered for years.

Everyone is welcome in any forum, but yes, it can probably seem a bit harsh to some.

Apri

I agree whole heartedly. I also benefit from both sides. My only cation was to be careful and ready to hear it. I apparently didn't come across in that fashion. I apologize if my post caused anyone upset. (Hitting emoji on head included) however.... this is a place we are able to say our thoughts.

Fusion

I was the drinker. I’ve read “friends and family” and thought they were too understanding and lenient!

Although I didn't post in these terms, once I stopped drinking, after many years of trying, I wanted to say to F & F “don’t allow your loved ones to make more excuses for their drinking; please stop yourselves from being so forgiving and understanding and ask your loved ones to be accountable to you, their family, and stop drinking”.

DontRemember

I'm also a "double winner" and was still involved in my toxic relationship in early sobriety. However, reading in the F&F actually helped open up my eyes to some of the pain my drinking brought to others,thus helping me get/stay committed to not being 'that guy' anymore. The truth(s) hurt at times but,are also needed in an honest attempt at living a life of sobriety. Rigorous honesty(with myself and others) are the foundation I have built my sobriety around.

ThatWasTheOldMe

I was a jerk when I was drinking.
It takes time to rebuild one's reputation, integrity, and trustworthiness.

One thing is for certain, if I drink over those things, it will just prolong my misery.

SoberCAH

I seldom venture over to the Friends and Family sections of the Forum, but, when I do, seldom observe any vitriol.

Disappointment, yes, but anger, not so much.

I most certainly do, however, know exactly what family members have put up with, because I suffered from alcoholism (my mother's, not my own) for years and years way before I ever picked up a drink.

My mother's chronic drunkenness overshadowed my entire youth and, for that matter, most of my adult years until she finally died 6 years ago.

I think we would be better advised to try to understand each other than to cast blame.

ShiftHappens

Wow.

All I know is family and friends of mine have been unkind and dysfinctional to me and vice versa.

we can all only strive to improve/elevate ourselves.

Any friend of relative who finds it necessary to criticize my behavior drunk, sober, blonde, brunette whatever is free to leave MY home.

No nagging, no fighting, no complaining.

If I dont care for someones behavior outside of my home, I leave. And dont go back.

Im no longer interested in the blame game.


And I do not read over at that forum.

If I needed that drama Id go visiting relatives for the holidays

This is just my response to this post where an observation was met with "what gall".

Bonniefloyd

Dee74

This thread illustrates why there are two 'sides' to SR.

Newcomers - of any sort, any background - are welcome here in this forum.

There are no rules that stop anyone posting on whatever side of the forum they like.

I'm a double winner too - and I identify with the raw pain of a newcomers post, no matter what side of addiction they come from.

Apri and littlesister I'm sorry you were both upset by things you read.

It goes without saying that if something upsets you it's ok not to visit that part of the website for now.

We (Anna and I) want Newcomers to be a safe place for everyone though.

We ask only that everyone here try and remember that everyone here, no matter where they are on their journey, is here for healing.

With that in mind, I think its time to move on

Dee
Administrator
SR