Not drunk, can't take it anymore
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Not drunk, can't take it anymore
I need out of my head. Now. I am an abject failure in life. Do no want to carry on, do not resuscitate . the video explains it all. Jeff.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dth4...&start_radio=1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dth4...&start_radio=1
Yeah - that can happen. I end up that real dark place some times. It seems like there's nowhere to go. It passes after a little while - posting here helps a bit.
Feel free to share - that can make a difference.
Feel free to share - that can make a difference.
yeah, Jeff that video is very dark, especially since it is originally from Linkin Park.
I hope you can take a few deep breaths and work through whatever is going on, we all have regrets and shame. It's kind of the Human Condition.
Call a Helpline if you need it...you're not alone, this will pass.
I hope you can take a few deep breaths and work through whatever is going on, we all have regrets and shame. It's kind of the Human Condition.
Call a Helpline if you need it...you're not alone, this will pass.
I'm sorry your in so much pain Jeff. I find that song to contain an answer though. Let go of what I've done...let mercy come.
I'll just speak for myself. I felt that mercy pass over me during an episode of self-hating abuse I regularly heaped on myself. I felt it release. It was like sunlight moving across a field and it caught me. We all do what we are programmed to do until we examine ourselves. Self-hatred had become an addiction in its own right for me. There was no one to blame, not even me. It was if I had been acting out a part I was made to play. So had the people who hurt me.
No one had been keeping score beside me. I was raised to believe my actions were of supreme importance and had the power to affect God. They weren't. The didn't amount to much at all. I alone had the power to wipe the slate clean as the song goes, so I did.
I'll just speak for myself. I felt that mercy pass over me during an episode of self-hating abuse I regularly heaped on myself. I felt it release. It was like sunlight moving across a field and it caught me. We all do what we are programmed to do until we examine ourselves. Self-hatred had become an addiction in its own right for me. There was no one to blame, not even me. It was if I had been acting out a part I was made to play. So had the people who hurt me.
No one had been keeping score beside me. I was raised to believe my actions were of supreme importance and had the power to affect God. They weren't. The didn't amount to much at all. I alone had the power to wipe the slate clean as the song goes, so I did.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
I need out of my head. Now. I am an abject failure in life. Do no want to carry on, do not resuscitate . the video explains it all. Jeff.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dth4...&start_radio=1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dth4...&start_radio=1
Hi Jeff
there's no extra points in suffering alone.
None of us can make you go see someone or call a helpline...but I hope you will.
It's not necessary to suffer like this - especially when to me and your many other friends here you're anything but a failure, man.
You deserve a break - and a little help Jeff.
D
there's no extra points in suffering alone.
None of us can make you go see someone or call a helpline...but I hope you will.
It's not necessary to suffer like this - especially when to me and your many other friends here you're anything but a failure, man.
You deserve a break - and a little help Jeff.
D
Heres the answer in the song you chose Jeff:
For what I've done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I'm forgiving what I've done
I found it exceptionally hard to forgive myself because for some weird reason I thought I should be held to a higher standard. I'm not better than anyone else so why should that be the case?
Something that helped me was I would forgive someone for something they had done to me then I figured I should get forgiven for something. It soon became clear to me this would end up being a wash. Such a shame because some of those things I had been holding onto for 40 years like there was going to be a final exam or something and I should remember them.
For what I've done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I'm forgiving what I've done
I found it exceptionally hard to forgive myself because for some weird reason I thought I should be held to a higher standard. I'm not better than anyone else so why should that be the case?
Something that helped me was I would forgive someone for something they had done to me then I figured I should get forgiven for something. It soon became clear to me this would end up being a wash. Such a shame because some of those things I had been holding onto for 40 years like there was going to be a final exam or something and I should remember them.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
One last thing Jeff. I was raised in an abusive home that pretty much told me I was a failure, that I wouldn't amount to much. If I stayed in my head and went along with this belief, I wouldn't of managed to succeed at what I have done. What's going on in your head is just a roadblock to what you are capable of doing. John
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
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yeah, Jeff that video is very dark, especially since it is originally from Linkin Park.
I hope you can take a few deep breaths and work through whatever is going on, we all have regrets and shame. It's kind of the Human Condition.
Call a Helpline if you need it...you're not alone, this will pass.
I hope you can take a few deep breaths and work through whatever is going on, we all have regrets and shame. It's kind of the Human Condition.
Call a Helpline if you need it...you're not alone, this will pass.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
One last thing Jeff. I was raised in an abusive home that pretty much told me I was a failure, that I wouldn't amount to much. If I stayed in my head and went along with this belief, I wouldn't of managed to succeed at what I have done. What's going on in your head is just a roadblock to what you are capable of doing. John
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
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To answer your question, I believe I have an untreated mental illness. I have days in which I do not want to live any longer. Very selfish, but true. Today has been one of those days.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
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So yes Dee you are 100% correct. And maybe that is the craziness if mental illness. I say that because I read your response and smile. And yet I flirt with death earlier in the day.
Yeah, its a common myth that people with mental illness are always one way or another. I could still smile on my worst days, could never stay in bed all day although nothing in me made we want to get up, always felt the responsibility to be there for others no matter how bad I felt inside...
there is a light at the end of every tunnel Jeff - and it's not an oncoming train
D
there is a light at the end of every tunnel Jeff - and it's not an oncoming train
D
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