Milano58

So EXAH blew off his contact with kids for a month to go away with his enabler. He's now come back and is demanding more time with kids as 'I've had them for a whole month'. Quack, quack, quack. He's also not happy with his increased contact over Christmas cos it's not 50/50. We DON'T have dual custody due to his drinking. I have custody and he has access only. He's still drinking.

I think he's convinced himself that we have 50/50 to suit his delusion that all is well. I'm always the one getting it in the neck cos I won't play ball. This is so hard. Every time I stand by the legal boundaries set in place by family court.. I get the abuse!!!

trailmix

This is classic quacking.

He just makes up things to suit himself and why can't you just go along with that! You are so unreasonable!

There is a reason the court gave you custody. He can demand anything he wants, I assume this holds no weight with you?

Milano58

Ye.. He's actually got more time with kids than last Christmas .. When we all believed he was in recovery... He's relapsed or was never in recovery and has the audacity to complain. I can't take him back to court (have to wait 2yrs) and have his access reduced due to relapse and potential to hurt kids. But he can't take me to court either as I'm not breaching parenting order by limiting his contact.. I've increased...

It's insane....

I love how there's absolutely no consideration for me and the fact that I'll be COMPLETELY on my own the days he has kids as I've no family here. Sorry.. Ranting.

PuzzledHeart

The consequence of inconsistent behavior is wariness.

I've been in situations where friends blew me off for no good reason. Previously, I would have bent over backwards to be more accommodating, and all it accomplished was the nasty feeling that I was a doormat. Now, I ask them if anything is wrong, and if the answer is "No" I just go about my regular business. If and when they do come back, I am very wary and guarded. Because who in the world wants yoyo relationships? All it causes is motion sickness.

You're better off granting your heart to people who won't fling it like a hot potato when it serves them. It sounds like that's what you're teaching your children - I wish somebody had set that example when I was a child.

trailmix

Eek! This sounds all too familiar (as a child who had divorced parents - one who was an alcoholic).

The fight for the children. Granted I was much older than your kiddies - from a teen upwards when they divorced but xmas was always about my two parents and who goes where. I have 2 siblings, one of which lived here in the same city at the time (now lives elsewhere) and we did the hauling around of the families.

We did our duty of going to my Father's place, not that it was all terrible, he could be nice (and sober). Then haul everyone off to spend time with my Mom (this was the fun part).

Anyway, I bring this up because the "being alone on those days" can drag down the festivities for all. I know that is not what you want it to be about, so how about making it not be that way.

I don't know what your plans are but maybe on the days you are alone you can celebrate in your own way. Get together with friends, shop, go out and do something you like.

Have you made up a visitation for the holidays that you think is fair? Not that it necessarily needs to be "fair" btw. Or do you feel you have given in to his demands?

Milano58

Na, I've increased his access do the degree it's acceptable to the courts. Honestly the courts don't care how much more I give him... Just that I don't withhold his court ordered contact. I've already sent invites out to some other lonely mums in my area. But my issue is there's nobody where I am.

My priority is to the kids, that they're spending the holidays with both of us and I'm not changing their routine that much either...also mitigating risk to them via his drinking. That's why hes got reduced contact in the first place.

hopeful4

Just because he has sent you an invite to his circus does not mean you need to attend!!!!

Milano58

I know. Legally I'm adhering to the court order. He just doesn't like that I have the control. I'm working on something else so I have to be careful how I tip toe right now...