Day 1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 230
Day 1
Woke this morning with heart palpitations and shaking lost a lot at the casino.
Have thrown all the alcohol I have in the flat down the sink.
Im beat this time and will not see another day 1 again. I lost the battle last night but I will win the war.
Have thrown all the alcohol I have in the flat down the sink.
Im beat this time and will not see another day 1 again. I lost the battle last night but I will win the war.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
That drinking/casino thing is really beating your butt, man.
I hope you can find whatever it is you need to make this the last day one Stable. Do something different this time - make a plan - stick to it and follow through.
I hope you can find whatever it is you need to make this the last day one Stable. Do something different this time - make a plan - stick to it and follow through.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Rest and hydrate , I promise you will feel better. I am rooting for you.
I have a couple of weeks and I feel better myself. I never want to go through
another day one myself. Done with that poison. We both deserve better
I have a couple of weeks and I feel better myself. I never want to go through
another day one myself. Done with that poison. We both deserve better
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 742
Some of us are just drawn to danger when we drink. How many mornings I would hit my head against the wall, how can I not smoke crack the next time I drink. We just foolishly jeopardize everything we have worked for. Once I touch alcohol my sense of risk and reward is all screwed up.
I use to love the thrill once I got out of the inner city, then off the main roads and into my neighborhood successfully with crack cocaine. Take that first hit and look at all those beautiful little rocks still left on my counter. Then they would dwindle down and I have to conserve . This feeling of serenity was turning into anxiety. Before I know it I'm feeling anxiety about everything and I'm crawling around on the floor looking for any rocks that may have dropped. You would not believe how many things in your carpet can be mistaken for a piece of crack cocaine at 4 in the morning. You don't want to know how bad they taste when you smoke them! The taste of metal after you've burned up everything you can. The anxiety when that stuff runs out is hard to describe, at least for me with anxiety issues going in. That is one of the winning nights.
Once I got busted and it looked like I was going to lose everything I had no where else to go but God. Maybe after 30 years my attitude about drinking was all wrong. It's hard to describe what I felt in those early morning hours in a jail cell. How was I going to make a living now, if I get fired, who will hire me, how will i support myself, will I be in a homeless shelter, all those worries. It's not like God came out and fixed everything right there. I remember that next morning well. Holy crap the anxiety. Getting car out of impound, had to be cash and by a certain time or it would be there all weekend. Yeah, explain that one at work monday!
It was the first AA meeting my lawyer sent me to that really put the anxiety back on its heels. Reading step 1 in the 12 & 12 for the first time. I got home and took out the remainng 7 or 8 whatever craft beers in the fridge and threw them out. I thought about all the damage alchohol did over the years and it felt good throwing it in the trash where it belongs.
I use to love the thrill once I got out of the inner city, then off the main roads and into my neighborhood successfully with crack cocaine. Take that first hit and look at all those beautiful little rocks still left on my counter. Then they would dwindle down and I have to conserve . This feeling of serenity was turning into anxiety. Before I know it I'm feeling anxiety about everything and I'm crawling around on the floor looking for any rocks that may have dropped. You would not believe how many things in your carpet can be mistaken for a piece of crack cocaine at 4 in the morning. You don't want to know how bad they taste when you smoke them! The taste of metal after you've burned up everything you can. The anxiety when that stuff runs out is hard to describe, at least for me with anxiety issues going in. That is one of the winning nights.
Once I got busted and it looked like I was going to lose everything I had no where else to go but God. Maybe after 30 years my attitude about drinking was all wrong. It's hard to describe what I felt in those early morning hours in a jail cell. How was I going to make a living now, if I get fired, who will hire me, how will i support myself, will I be in a homeless shelter, all those worries. It's not like God came out and fixed everything right there. I remember that next morning well. Holy crap the anxiety. Getting car out of impound, had to be cash and by a certain time or it would be there all weekend. Yeah, explain that one at work monday!
It was the first AA meeting my lawyer sent me to that really put the anxiety back on its heels. Reading step 1 in the 12 & 12 for the first time. I got home and took out the remainng 7 or 8 whatever craft beers in the fridge and threw them out. I thought about all the damage alchohol did over the years and it felt good throwing it in the trash where it belongs.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 230
Interesting post and I can relate as I act on impulse the second a drop of alcohol enters my body.
i have no problem throwing booze down the sink but I do have a problem maintaining sobriety which I will work on.
Losing all my money last night may be a blessing in disguise and make it easier to get through this week sober.
i have no problem throwing booze down the sink but I do have a problem maintaining sobriety which I will work on.
Losing all my money last night may be a blessing in disguise and make it easier to get through this week sober.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Stable - try to be kind to yourself. None of us set out to sabotage ourselves. It took me a few times to finally admit I could never be a social drinker. Every time I picked up, no matter how much willpower I intended to use, it caused a disaster. The first drink always led to 10 drinks - misery and danger. Then more the next day to calm my fears & stop the shakes. A horrible way to exist.
You sound ready. We are with you & we know you can get free.
You sound ready. We are with you & we know you can get free.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 230
Thank you all for your kind replies. This has been a very difficult time in my life, I have spent nearly 3 months in hell because I acted on a sudden impulse to drink.
I so badly want to get sober and never touch a drink again. I have had a very miserable lonely life.
I am glad I through the alcohol down the sink. I feel enough is enough I can’t take any more.
I so badly want to get sober and never touch a drink again. I have had a very miserable lonely life.
I am glad I through the alcohol down the sink. I feel enough is enough I can’t take any more.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
I wonder why some people have to suffer this way.
Read what you like in this, but as soon as I stopped drinking so did the suffering you speak of.
Sure early recovery was hard, took a lot of effort, and was not very pleasant, but it was better than my drinking life.
When you're in the middle of the storm it's hard to see things clearly but I learned I wasn't a victim.
you can absolutely choose another road besides drinking, and cease that suffering
D.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
Originally Posted by Stable 
Feeling deppressed today, I wonder why some people have to suffer this way.
Life was not meant to be like this. Its going to take a lot to pick myself up from this one.
Life was not meant to be like this. Its going to take a lot to pick myself up from this one.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
You can do this Stable, we all have our own horror stories of loss and heartache, they all share a common denominator......substance abuse. It doesn't matter if it's weed, booze, coke, crack, crystal, heroin or pills. It all changes our ability to make smart choices, the more we do it, the more idiotic choices we make. I have made some big ones, including loosing hundreds of dollars at a casino, many times.
I am 14 months sober today, and i'm never going back to that personal hell. Start making different choices, begin by staying close to this site and things will gradually get better. We are here for you.
Turn that headbange into a hug!! Start by forgiving yourself...
I am 14 months sober today, and i'm never going back to that personal hell. Start making different choices, begin by staying close to this site and things will gradually get better. We are here for you.
Turn that headbange into a hug!! Start by forgiving yourself...
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