This is my story
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 3
This is my story
Hello folks,
I looked through a bunch of forums before settled into one I thought seemed to fit me. Both of my parents are alcoholics.
Climber Dad -
My dad preferred alcohol but was adventurous into many other drugs as well. He went through several rehabs before he became the recovering alcoholic he is today. We do not get along on a personal level. Part of me is proud that he has been sober for years and is happy with his new wife. Also, part of me understands that it is better that we don’t talk. I got him into rock climbing and he is a darn fine climber, which unfortunately has put us into some of the same friend groups. As a result, there have been times where I will go to a gym and his friends will tell me to “just talk to him” to “just forgive him”.
I can’t because I have, several times. It wasn’t me that left when I was 3 months old. It was me that reached out when I was 14. It wasn’t me that kick me out of the house when I was 18. But they don’t know, so I can’t blame them. They don’t know how bigoted he can be. They weren’t there when he took my tire off my car and accusing me of being a prostitute for giving some EXTREMELY lost trucker directions when I was taking my dog on a walk. They weren’t there when I was working 30 hours a week and going to college full time, and him demanding me to take in my room during any of my free time. There weren’t there when I told him I placed in a rock climbing competition and he told me never to mention climbing because it wasn’t fair that he didn’t have access to a wall as easily as I did. And of course, this is the tip of the ice burgh!
We use to write letters, but ever since I have been in my longest-standing relationship of 3 years and am considering kids did I realize, I don’t want him to have my address. It’s better that we don’t talk and I am much happier this way.
Dancer Mom -
My mother had been a stripper all my life however there is no retirement program for them. As such she had to stop dancing a few years ago and moved in with my gram and pap. She made my life a living hell, directly and indirectly. My mom is a great mother when she is sober. Which is why I often reference her as having two identities. My mother was always proud of me, my mother always had faith in me, and my mother is someone I could always talk to when I was feeling sad. Alcohol is who hit me, Alcohol exposed me to situations children should never be in, Alcohol told me “I wish you were never born”, and Alcohol ruined my childhood. Alcohol was a monster!
My mother also spent time in and out of rehab, usually after ODs that lead to stomach pumping and such. I had lived of and on between my mother and my grandparents. My grandma, in particular, was my savior. Unfortunately, she passed in 2016 and my grandfather passed a few months ago. My mom was sober for months maybe in a bit past a year, but losing her father just broke her and everything is falling apart, again!
In Conclusion -
I can’t do it anymore. I can be stong by myself. My wonderful boyfriend convinced me to go to therapy which has been nice. I adore my therapist! Though I am not sure what I am trying to get out of therapy. One of the things she suggests I do is reach out to the “Adult Children of Alcohols” community. So here I am! I think it can be extremely difficult to understand what it is like to love someone with this disease let alone be raised by them. Coming here I hope to find some closure and help in addressing particular situations.
It is nice to meet you all and I hope I can help as well!
~ShyRose
I looked through a bunch of forums before settled into one I thought seemed to fit me. Both of my parents are alcoholics.
Climber Dad -
My dad preferred alcohol but was adventurous into many other drugs as well. He went through several rehabs before he became the recovering alcoholic he is today. We do not get along on a personal level. Part of me is proud that he has been sober for years and is happy with his new wife. Also, part of me understands that it is better that we don’t talk. I got him into rock climbing and he is a darn fine climber, which unfortunately has put us into some of the same friend groups. As a result, there have been times where I will go to a gym and his friends will tell me to “just talk to him” to “just forgive him”.
I can’t because I have, several times. It wasn’t me that left when I was 3 months old. It was me that reached out when I was 14. It wasn’t me that kick me out of the house when I was 18. But they don’t know, so I can’t blame them. They don’t know how bigoted he can be. They weren’t there when he took my tire off my car and accusing me of being a prostitute for giving some EXTREMELY lost trucker directions when I was taking my dog on a walk. They weren’t there when I was working 30 hours a week and going to college full time, and him demanding me to take in my room during any of my free time. There weren’t there when I told him I placed in a rock climbing competition and he told me never to mention climbing because it wasn’t fair that he didn’t have access to a wall as easily as I did. And of course, this is the tip of the ice burgh!
We use to write letters, but ever since I have been in my longest-standing relationship of 3 years and am considering kids did I realize, I don’t want him to have my address. It’s better that we don’t talk and I am much happier this way.
Dancer Mom -
My mother had been a stripper all my life however there is no retirement program for them. As such she had to stop dancing a few years ago and moved in with my gram and pap. She made my life a living hell, directly and indirectly. My mom is a great mother when she is sober. Which is why I often reference her as having two identities. My mother was always proud of me, my mother always had faith in me, and my mother is someone I could always talk to when I was feeling sad. Alcohol is who hit me, Alcohol exposed me to situations children should never be in, Alcohol told me “I wish you were never born”, and Alcohol ruined my childhood. Alcohol was a monster!
My mother also spent time in and out of rehab, usually after ODs that lead to stomach pumping and such. I had lived of and on between my mother and my grandparents. My grandma, in particular, was my savior. Unfortunately, she passed in 2016 and my grandfather passed a few months ago. My mom was sober for months maybe in a bit past a year, but losing her father just broke her and everything is falling apart, again!
In Conclusion -
I can’t do it anymore. I can be stong by myself. My wonderful boyfriend convinced me to go to therapy which has been nice. I adore my therapist! Though I am not sure what I am trying to get out of therapy. One of the things she suggests I do is reach out to the “Adult Children of Alcohols” community. So here I am! I think it can be extremely difficult to understand what it is like to love someone with this disease let alone be raised by them. Coming here I hope to find some closure and help in addressing particular situations.
It is nice to meet you all and I hope I can help as well!
~ShyRose
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello and welcome. I hope you do find a home here.
There's even a separate forum for friends and family of alcoholics.
I never had much in the way of parents. I basically raised myself. Needless to say, this didn't work out so well in my younger years.
I'm glad you have a supportive boyfriend and a therapist you like.
Make yourself at home and post and read all you like. It's great to have you here.
There's even a separate forum for friends and family of alcoholics.
I never had much in the way of parents. I basically raised myself. Needless to say, this didn't work out so well in my younger years.
I'm glad you have a supportive boyfriend and a therapist you like.
Make yourself at home and post and read all you like. It's great to have you here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Welcome Shy Rose,
Thank you for sharing your story. It helps me to realize why I need to be and stay Sober
for it really does affect the people you love.
My previous roommate had a passion for rock climbing. Went at least 5 X a week. Made her feel strong! I would love to try some day. Its so nice that you
have a passion/hobby that you care tremdously about.
Please reach out to friends and family board. There is much wisdom and will be invaluable to you. They will be able to empathize with you as oppose to sympathize.
So glad you are taking care of you and are asking for help. You are a strong person that has been through a lot. I have been through a lot myself living with this disease. I am grateful for any serenity, peace and genuine happiness.
I wish that for you in your life as well. You deserve the best.
Thank you for sharing your story. It helps me to realize why I need to be and stay Sober
for it really does affect the people you love.
My previous roommate had a passion for rock climbing. Went at least 5 X a week. Made her feel strong! I would love to try some day. Its so nice that you
have a passion/hobby that you care tremdously about.
Please reach out to friends and family board. There is much wisdom and will be invaluable to you. They will be able to empathize with you as oppose to sympathize.
So glad you are taking care of you and are asking for help. You are a strong person that has been through a lot. I have been through a lot myself living with this disease. I am grateful for any serenity, peace and genuine happiness.
I wish that for you in your life as well. You deserve the best.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,669
Welcome ShyRose. ACA has been a very good support for many people I know through AA meetings. What you have shown in your post was the past has not defined you, does not control you- but you have started a progress of growth and healing. Look through the threads in the Newcomer's forums..plenty to join, learn, support and get support from and share with.
Support to you.
Support to you.
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